Heat Rash (2)

Haven’t you ever felt something was off?

Your being… I mean, things about Raiden and Naru.

That sense of unease, like something’s out of place, or awkwardness… you really didn’t feel any of that?

Being able to do things you’ve never done before so skillfully.

Or, maybe just naturally accepting feelings that weren’t your own.

Hmm~ judging by your expression, it seems like you’re getting the gist, right?

Good, then things will move much faster.

A lot of unnecessary explanations will be cut out, too.

What? Saying to cut the weird preamble and just get back to what we were talking about before?

Don’t worry~ Like I said, we plan on telling you no matter how much you refuse to hear it.

That’s the role given to us, beings of ‘we’.

Um… okay, then let’s start with the story of ‘possession’, first?

In a way, this is the most important part.

You could say it’s the core story among countless others.

Listen closely, and really use your head.

You believed, with absolute certainty, that you were possessing Raiden’s body.

Sadly, possession like that never existed.

You were just Raiden from the very beginning.

You simply remembered your previous life due to some trigger.

That trigger is the memory of Kim Naru.

That’s what we meant when we said we were not different.

Raiden and Kim Naru. Both of them were, ultimately, the same essence of existence.

Around now, you’ll start to feel a growing sense of disbelief.

Because clearly, when you woke up in the forest, you didn’t have Raiden’s memories.

It was like all the situations were perfectly aligned, as if possession had actually happened.

It’s understandable you’d think that way.

But you’re wrong.

Your memories are a mess.

Like someone’s tampered with them, they’re randomly cut and stitched together.

This might be a bit hard to follow, I guess.

Seeing your reaction, you do look kind of confused.

‘I… I don’t know. Are you sure it wasn’t possession?’

You’re not accepting it at all.

Well, I understand.

The scenes you’ve believed in so firmly all this time, are actually just fabricated lies.

That must be a headache.

‘But, I…’

Okay, let’s take this step by step.

Shall we start with the fact that what you experienced wasn’t possession?

Think carefully.

Like I said before.

All those feelings of alienation, déjà vu, and melancholy you felt while living as Raiden…

Try to reflect on them.

Weren’t there just too many odd things?

You, who had never even touched a book, how were you so proficient in this world’s academic subjects?

And at the Academy’s lectures, notorious for being difficult, no less.

Have you ever thought that you were learning the material too easily when you looked at the textbooks?

‘That’s…’

And, your behavior in everyday life is the same.

In your past life, you clearly grew up isolated and lacking social skills due to your father’s cruel abuse.

But have you ever shown such behavior in this life?

Rather, you showed flexibility in your conversations with others.

You built friendships and naturally expanded your relationships with people like Millium, Golden Sun, and your master.

Things that the ‘you’ from your past life couldn’t even have imagined, you did as if it were completely natural.

‘That’s, well… because I had the Iron Spirit…’

No, you’re wrong.

The Iron Spirit is just a mental shield.

It might be able to block things like trauma, compulsions, or nightmares.

But it has no effect whatsoever on creating social skills you didn’t have.

‘……’

And finally, one last, strangest thing.

If you’re just Kim Naru, possessing Ryden’s body…

Then how can you feel Ryden’s emotions?

Rachel, Ariel, Lucy, Maharet.

Those foreign emotions you felt whenever you met the people around you.

How is it possible to feel those things?

Those aren’t emotions you should have, are they? Those are things Ryden should have.

‘…It was thanks to the possession perk I got when I first entered Ryden’s body.’

Hmm, a possession perk, huh?

‘If you’ve been watching me, you should know? That I received the perk called ‘Synchronization’.’

Unfortunately, that’s the wrong answer this time, too.

Would you like to try to remember again?

What exactly was the effect of the possession perk ‘Synchronization’?

‘What was it…well, it was the effect where I shared Ryden’s memories…’

That’s exactly it.

Synchronization was only about receiving ‘memories’.

It wasn’t about receiving the emotions Ryden had cherished.

In other words, everything you’ve perceived as someone else’s emotions, those were all actually ‘yours’.

Even if your memories were cut away, and your head became all jumbled up because of someone’s interference.

You can see it as the traces of your own self, remaining in your soul, reacting.

‘…What the hell.’

I know, it’s hard to accept.

You must be dizzy.

Well, don’t worry about it too much.

We’ll be here for you until you’re able to accept it.

I told you, ‘we’ exist for that purpose…

So, let’s keep mulling it over.

Until you can understand all of these truths.

*

“……”

It’s been over eight hours since I fell into this surreal dreamscape.

Of course, I couldn’t know the exact time, but that’s how it felt to me.

“Are you okay…? You’re completely out of it.”

“Let’s leave him be. He seems to have fully grasped the situation for now.”

“Yeah, he probably needs time to process it all on his own…”

Me, slumped on the floor, frozen.

And two other ‘me’s,’ looking at me with troubled expressions.

“……”

I stared blankly at the two of them, inwardly chewing on tangled thoughts.

Sometimes, the churning ideas made me nauseous, but I didn’t stop being aware.

For a long time, I stayed there.

Desperately trying to use my mind to refute the stories the two boys told me.

Searching for inconsistencies, for flaws, in their words.

Struggling to somehow produce evidence that their claims were wrong.

“……The status window said it at first. It said it had possessed me as Raiden.”

It was strange.

The status window clearly offered me a contract, trying to keep me in this world.

It had told me, numerous times, that I was a possessor.

“It doesn’t add up…”

“We told you, didn’t we? That there’s something that manipulated your memories.”

Who do you think that could be?

Even though there was a question mark at the end of the sentence, it wasn’t a question.

Rather, it was more like an answer.

“The status window… manipulated my memories…?”

It felt like a powerful blow had struck the back of my head.

A lie.

I wanted to shout that denial, but my lips wouldn’t move.

Probably from the shock of the status window having deceived me.

“It’s just a guess, but… if the status window’s true identity is really ‘that person,’ then everything fits.”

My vision blurred and spun.

What even is “that person” supposed to mean?

I tried to ask, but their refusals came quicker.

“We can’t tell you. This is a taboo, placed by an absolute being…”

“We don’t have the power.”

“The only thing we can tell you… is that they’re famous?”

“Yeah, famous everywhere.”

Ryden and Naru locked eyes, then nodded as if it was a magnificent clue.

It was so hard to follow the conversation.

I’m confused.

Unable to fight the swirling dizziness, I ended up sprawled on the floor.

“Just accept it.”

“It’s a truth you can’t ignore anymore. Snap out of it, Ryden.”

The boys’ voices echoed in my ears.

I let out a hollow laugh at their whispers.

“Ha, haha… Just accept it…?”

A thick emptiness trickles from my lips.

“How can I just accept this, if I accept this…”

If all these stories were true.

“…then I’d be admitting that all the hate, the disgust, the misunderstandings I’ve endured are all my responsibility.”

They said.

That the blame for all the hate and disgust that had inflicted so much pain and suffering on me.

That the blame for the boundaries and misunderstandings that almost banished me from this world.

Was, in fact, all mine.

That the things I’d thought were unreasonable and unfair.

Were due to my own faults, faults I wasn’t even aware of.

“You saw how much I suffered because of them…”

“……”

“You heard what I said to Rachel and Ariel, when I decided to leave this world…”

Ariel, Lucy, and Rachel.

You saw how I gave the people who stayed by my side unforgettable, terrible memories, made them cry.

“……After all that chaos, you’re telling me *I* was the cause of everything now.”

“……”

“Am I… supposed to just accept that?”

A downpour stings between my burning eyelids.

My breath is wet as I wipe away the heavy raindrops.

Bubbles, long trails of exhaled air, rise to the surface, one after another.

“I blamed Lyden so much, and the one I should’ve been blaming was myself…”

“……”

“……Shit.”

A curse bursts out.

Clenching my lips tight, as I soothe the knots in my heart, the boys beside me come closer.

“So… it means you have to pull yourself together even more.”

“You know nothing good comes of being like this.”

They grip my limp body and force me to stand.

Held by their hands, I plant my unsteady feet on the ground.

“Think about it. You are Lyden, without a single lie.”

“So what… what’s that even supposed to mean?”

“It means you can finally receive the love from people who stayed by your side, like Rachel and Ariel. You don’t have to ignore it anymore.”

You are Lyden, Naru, us all, you know.

Their calm words resonate, and I stare at the two of them, momentarily lost in thought.

Love.

People who love me…?

I’m frozen, dumbstruck, mulling over those words, when Lyden reaches a hand out to me and speaks.

“I understand you… I mean, we *are* basically ‘data’ built on your memories.”

“……”

“Because all the painful times you’ve endured in your past life and this life, are what make us who we are.”

The boy looks at me.

He smiles gently with my face.

“I know, Naru. It must have been painful, you must have been sick of this thing called life… But even so, we are…”

“……”

“……Even so, we have to move forward, right, Raiden?”

Naru, and Raiden.

Two names that call to me,

And two lives I had to bear in days past.

“You said you didn’t want to leave… you muttered thousands of times that you wanted to live, to be happy.”

“……”

“Just running away, steeped in fear, will never get you to your desire.”

So take our hands, Raiden.

There’s still time to fix it.

You still have people by your side who love you.

“……”

I stared for a moment at the hand outstretched to me.

My own hand, visible within the rippling water.

Mulling over the fleeting emotions welling up in my chest, I took that hand.

-Thud…

“Good, you made the right choice. From now on, leave it to us.”

“Listen closely. We’re going to fill the gaps in your memories and emotions. And when we do……”

“When you open your eyes again, you’ll have completely accepted that you are Raiden.”

Raiden and Naru each extended a hand, covering my eyes.

Cool, yet warm skin touches my eyelids.

My eyelids naturally close, and I exhale my final breath.

“It’s nothing strange, so there’s no need to be scared. Just think of it as waking up from a long dream.”

“We’ll count for you, so open your eyes again when we give the signal.”

“Okay, we’ll go slowly……”

One.

Two.

Three.

“Remember this.”

With the two boys’ signals reaching my ears, I opened my eyes.

And immediately after, my consciousness was severed.

.

.

.

“Kuh-huck…! Huk…!!”

With a dry cough, I opened my eyes to find myself lying on the bed.