Chapter 86 – Afterword – Eli

I can’t sleep.

“…”

The world is already locked in deep darkness. Even the moonlight, which had been shining through in a whitish way, was unable to use its hands in this pitch-dark night sky and scattered beyond the thick clouds. Even the crickets hiding in the grass and the robins that occasionally announced their survival are now holding their breath and cringing. I am the only one struggling to sleep.

I know why. It’s because of the very desire that has settled in my heart at some point.

“…”

I tried to deny it and clenched my fists tightly. No. It is not so. But reason always triumphs over instinct only when dead. The desire that has already taken control of my empty heart smiles and waits for me to surrender.

“Ha…”

I took a deep breath and tried to let go of that feeling, but it didn’t take long before I realized that it was useless. How sad and helpless it is to face the promised defeat. When I thought of that, my stomach started to churn.

“Aww…”

Hate yourself I am so helpless and pathetic that I cannot even solve my own desires without borrowing the help of others. If only I was a little bit stronger If only I had a little more willpower.

Even in the midst of such thoughts, I was thoroughly giving in to my desires. My head is already full of thoughts about it. No matter how much I erase it, it keeps coming back to me, and it seems like I even smell it.

As my whole body was completely dominated by desire, I began to rationalize myself. In fact, it may be unavoidable. Because I’m a person who can’t help it after all. No matter how much she denies it, no matter how much she clears her head, she is a pathetic girl who has no choice but to respond to the call of her body.

Okay. At last. Because that’s it.

…

And if you look at it…

Eating alone is not…

The moment that one sentence popped into my head, I made up my mind and turned around. Then, he shook another figure that was sleeping soundly in the dark to wake it up.

“Luka.”

“…”

“Luka…Now?”

“…Uh…Uh? Why? What happened?”

Luca woke up with more than necessary surprises. I felt a little sorry for the fact that I was wet with fatigue, but it was already spilled water. I hesitated a little, then lowered my head and said.

“That is…”

“Why? Where are you uncomfortable? What’s the matter?”

“Hmm…”

…

“I want to eat strawberries…”

“…”

At that word, Luca lowered her head just a little. She tried not to show it, but she could feel the helplessness in her parted lips.

“It’s not yet… Until the strawberry comes out.”

“I know. But you know.”

I caressed Luca’s cheek, then slowly lowered her hand and laid it gently on her belly.

“My baby wants to eat.”

“…”

With that one word, Luca’s time stopped. He probably wants to bury his face in her hands. But what can I do? I want to eat. No no, my baby wants to eat. What should I do? As Dori, a mother, I have to let her eat.

Of course, Dad will come to the rescue.

“Can I have a strawberry?”

Finally, Luca accepted her fate and asked me. But unfortunately the way she asked was a bit wrong. You just have to say you want to go. That word that gave her space aroused another desire.

“Apple pie if possible…”

“Apples…Apple pie?”

“Ah…No! I can make it myself and eat it. Yes. I have apples at home, so I have them all.”

“No no…No need to do that. I’ll bring you strawberries. Then I can do it while you eat. Yes, then that’s fine…”

Perhaps it was because he was still drowsy, and he seemed to be talking in a state of disillusionment. I said as I kissed her on the cheek to keep her spirit from escaping from Luka’s body.

“Thank you. I love you Luca.”

“Yeah… I love you too.”

Unfortunately, the soul did not return. Luca put on her clothes as they were, and she quickly opened the door and disappeared. It wouldn’t be a crowd. It’s already the fourth time this week.

…

Even I thought it was a bit too much.

“Haaa…”

I gasped and leaned against the wall. Judging from how he’s begging for something to eat even though he’s not even full yet, it seems that the guy inside is not an ordinary troublemaker.

However, thinking about it brought a smile to my lips. Of course, it’s scary, and there are many uncomfortable things like this. Even so, I felt better just by feeling the energy of life wriggling inside, as if I had a maternal instinct.

Is it a daughter or a son? These days, I live with such happy worries. Personally, it doesn’t matter either way, but Luca hoped it wasn’t just his son. If a boy is born, they say that he will become an uncontrollable troublemaker or something.

Of course I know It’s not for such a lame reason.

…Thud.

I heard a low noise and looked out the window to see thick dust drifting through the darkness. It was probably a trace of Luca kicking off the ground. While I opened my eyes for a moment No, while I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, the boy I loved had changed a little.

You may not know yourself well. You might think that the only thing that has changed is that ignorant strength and body. However, there are times when I wander into the past I don’t know with those empty eyes in the smallest moments of everyday life. The fact that I can’t agree. And the fact that you can’t understand breaks my heart.

Of course I heard it. That doesn’t mean you can understand it. In fact, there are still many parts that I can’t believe. Devil. Prophecy. Curse. Luca’s story is dotted with fictions that can only be found in fairy tales.

But I can only believe The stories contained in fictional words were brutally realistic and heartbreaking.

“Whoa…”

I quietly looked up and blew on the candlestick next to me. Then a large flame burst forth and clung to the wick. How long did it take you to get this far? Just a month ago, I could not control the size of the flame and almost burned the whole house down.

As the flames spread throughout the house, I took out the books I had placed under the bed one by one. Most of them were books related to magic. I wonder if it’s too late to study now, but I still had a lot of fun.

After taking out all the books, numerous letters were picked up. Most of them were from Sarah, but some were from other people. Emil’s grandmother, the village headman, the villagers, and even letters from the orphanage she regularly sponsors. While handing over the letters one by one with a smile, I caught a letter that was still unopened in my hand. It was a letter that Luca had hidden in a book for a while so that he would never see it.

I thought about it for a bit, then put the rest down and slowly lifted the letter.

Surprisingly, neither the sender’s name nor the sender’s address was written on the white envelope. There were only five letters written on that wide white paper.

To Ellie.

“Mr. Eli… La.”

Not many people call me that. At most, the director of the orphanage he sponsored or the village aunts he knew a while ago. Among them, there was no one to send a letter to without bothering to hide his name. In addition, it was sealed with a seal of a pattern I had never seen before, so there was no clue to guess its identity.

…

No. In fact, there was no place to guess at all. There was one person whom I could not bear to name and send a letter to, calling me Mr. Eli. No, should I call him a person in the first place?

I don’t know. Because I’ve never even met him.

As he twisted his fingers a little, he heard a rustle from the stationery inside. It was put in a very thin envelope, so if you held it up to the light, you could see the inside to some extent. I had already done that several times, but I picked up the letter once more and held it in front of the candle. Then, the letters inside revealed their faint appearance in the light of the candle.

‘. . . . . ‘

Just as it was written on the outer envelope, there were only five letters written on the inside of the letter. But it was so blurry, I couldn’t tell what it meant.

What words are actually written? Is it just a simple greeting? Or is it a tight heart? Or perhaps, is it an important word directly related to the past I lost?

I don’t know. If you don’t open it, you won’t know. I kept putting it off, but I thought it wouldn’t be good to delay it any longer as I was carrying a child. Because it could really be related to my past. Only five letters. What kind of heart is there in it?

Well.

If. If you…

…

I made up my mind and lifted the letter.

Then, as the wind blew, the letter was released from his hand.

“Whoa…”

Then, the letter caught fire and turned to ashes in an instant and flew into the air. When I opened the window to see the slowly sinking debris, even the ashes that remained were blown away by the wind and disappeared without a trace. I followed with my eyes the black dust that was scattered in the night sky.

The contents of the letter are now forever unknown. But well I really want to know It’s natural to just throw away a letter that doesn’t even have an address.

It doesn’t matter even if there is important content in it. Even if there was something about the past, I probably would have burned it without reading it. What happened in the past has absolutely nothing to do with me.

No matter how much people live in the past, the past is just the past. No matter how important something happened, if it restrains even the future that will move forward, it will no longer be a meaningful past. Especially if it happened in the future, which won’t happen in the future.

Besides, I don’t think you wanted me to read this letter. What kind of heart could you put in just five letters? There was no address or address, so I think there must have been a certain amount of hope that this letter would not be delivered.

And, well, I can guess what it might have been. Because I saw the shape. And if that’s what I think is correct, it’s a story I already know and do very well, even if I don’t get it in the mail.

I opened my mouth to tell myself that one word.

“Sun…”

Bang!

“Uggh! Coke! Coke!”

Then something crashed to the floor, raising a strong wind of dust. I opened my mouth vaguely, then inhaled all the dust and coughed unsightly. Soon, the door burst open and the nuisance of the protagonist appeared.

“Uh, what is it? Did you open the window? Sorry. Are you okay?”

“It’s okay. Now I’m not drinking alone. If I drink it with my baby, it’ll be purified to some extent, right?”

“…One of the worst jokes you’ve ever told.”

Luca let out a sigh and sat down on her floor. She tried not to show off, but the twigs and dust all over her hair made her think about her hardships. I looked at him and gently stroked his hair.

“I’m sorry. I made you suffer.”

“No. You say you want to eat, but you have to. I can’t stay still while suffering like this.”

Suffering…

It was you who suffered all this time.

I tried to put those words into my mouth, but I managed to swallow them back. You just decided to bury the past, and you’re already acting on a whim. It shouldn’t be like this. I didn’t know what to say, so I pursed her lips and then just hugged Luca.

“Thank you Luca. Really.”

“No. What…”

“Just listen when you say thank you. Just. Just listen like that.”

“Okay.”

Luka leaned his head on my chest, relaxing a little at my slightly serious voice. In fact, I could feel how tired this man was from the feeling of falling down. In fact, it won’t be easy for you as much as for me to adapt to everything that has changed.

So I guess I should try harder.

“…But if you really appreciate it, can’t you let me touch your chest?”

“It’s not yours anymore.”

“It’s mine.”

I thought it was a joke, but I picked it up and laughed at the voice that seemed genuinely sad. Then Luca rubbed his face against my chest once more and stood up. Then he scratched his head a little and put his hand on his waist.

“Ah, I got some strawberries for now. There aren’t that many of them… But this is all right, right?”

“Even one doesn’t matter. I’ll eat well. Luca.”

With a slightly intimidated voice, the palm he held out was full of raspberries and strawberries. When it came, it was a little crushed, and there were several things that fell back, but I didn’t care about that. I put one in my mouth with a warm heart. The fresh and sweet scent that filled my mouth as soon as I put it in was so grateful that it was simply the taste of strawberries, and it was a shame to even swallow it. I opened my mouth to say thank you again.

But what came out instead of a thank you was a helpless gagging.

“Wow.”

Took.

“…”

“…”

At that moment, looking at the strawberries that fell on the floor, we fell silent for a while. I smiled and opened my mouth again to ease the awkward atmosphere.

“Uwueek.”

“…”

“…’

But again, it was disgusting. Luca looked me in the eye and opened his mouth in vain.

“Because of the smell…Can’t you eat?”

“…Huh.”

…

Actually, it wasn’t the first time. Is this the third time this week alone? Every time Luca held her head, he never blamed me. And she used to stare into space with her characteristic dejected expression. With an expression that was even more dejected than when he was wandering about the past and suffering.

It seems that Luca is destined to suffer more because of me.

“Here Luca.”

With a very sorry heart, I carefully opened my mouth. Then he asked, loosening his clothes a little.

“Do you want to touch my chest?”

Luca looked at me with empty eyes and then very slowly lowered his gaze. And he opened his mouth very bitterly.

“Huh.”