Chapter 58 – Chapter 58

[Novoro Plus]
[Warning: Do not sell to youth under 19! It makes your children sick.]
[Cigarette smoke contains carcinogenic substances such as naphthylamine, nickel, benzene, vinyl chloride, arsenic, and cadmium.]
[For smoking cessation advice, please call here.]

Didn’t you wait 2 weeks?
No, if you think about it calmly, I haven’t been able to endure it for 10 days yet.

“…”

Her Noah collapsed and as I continued to nurse her, I unknowingly ran to her convenience store and bought her a pack of cigarettes as if possessed by her.

[Are you going to smoke?]
[Even though there is a phrase that makes your children sick?]

“Startle!”

My hand, which was about to open the cigarette pack, stopped.
The voice that saw this shouted.

[You’ve been patient enough! You just have to be patient a little longer. Then, if you get over this hurdle, you can completely erase it from your mind.]
[Even for the kids…]

“Whoa.”

My mouth ticked too much.
It feels like my throat is clogged more than when I smoked, and the phlegm keeps coming out. It was frustrating and I couldn’t stand it any longer.
So…

“I’ll only smoke one cigarette. And I will throw away everything else.”

[If that’s the case, just smoke it all!]

“…”

[Irresponsible words like quit smoking if you’re going to do it that way. You shouldn’t have done it in front of Miho.]

“… Fuck, what are you saying to me?”

I was sick
He was one of the idiots who praised himself for fulfilling his role as a father by taking the child to the sea and the aquarium without noticing that the child was sick and about to die.
A bastard like that can lie.
I’m such a scumbag, so I’ll repeat what I said… Even the cigarettes that I thought I would quit, I just smoked again due to lack of will.

「Crush, rustle!」

In an instant, I peeled off the plastic pack and put a cigarette into my mouth with trembling hands.

「Chick, Chick!」

And it’s time to quickly light the fire.
Before that, Miho’s urgent voice was heard.

“Tongue, tongue, tongue! Noah! Go Noah!”
“What’s the matter!”

He kicked the front door almost to the point of breaking it and went into the room. Of course, I threw the cigarette in my mouth and the cigarette in my hand roughly anywhere.
And the sight before my eyes was simply, unbelievably shocking.

A child with a fever of over 40 degrees, a child whose complexion was pale enough to feel transparent was trying to get up while staggering with her eyes closed.

“Oh, Dad… No, Noah, it’s nothing…”

I looked to see where they were going, and the direction was the kitchen.
Cooking, cleaning, washing dishes…
It was clear that he was moving to do something.

‘Ah, damn it.’

Don’t even think about smoking.
If he had stayed by Noah’s side, Noah wouldn’t have gotten up so hard.
Noah must have had a nightmare because I was weak-minded even for a moment.
Are you a human too?

‘No, it can’t be like that.’

At least in front of these kids, I had to be the best human being I could be, if not perfect.

“Noah, Noah Kim!”

My throat was tight.
I could see why I felt so frustrated. It wasn’t because of the cigarettes. It was because it hurt so much to face the wounds of these children.
… It was because I was afraid.
Can a bastard like me really heal the wounds of such great children, can I relieve them even a little bit.
It was something I wanted to avoid because I was afraid.

Why am I so pathetic

“Aaaaagh!”

Why are you so weak?
Is it that all I can do for these children who are struggling and crying sadly is to hug them tightly and pat them?

“Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie.”

I was relieved to see Noah, who had barely fallen asleep again and was breathing a little more comfortably.

“I’ll clean up in front of the front door for a while, so take care of Noah.”
“Tongue!”
“… Why?”
“All right! Tongue and tongue are all right! You did well, you did well with your tongue!”
“Okay… Thank you.”

I patted Miho’s head once, then dragged her slippers and walked out to the smoking area outside the front door.
The cigarettes I dropped were scattered on the floor.

「Crush, rustle」

While picking them up one by one, I suddenly see one or two waterdrop marks on the floor.
I wondered if it would rain.

“Damn it, bitch…”

They were tears falling from my eyes. I had never cried so hotly even when I was declared a eunuch and my life was going through hell.
When I am with children, I feel like a crybaby.

[… ] …]

Quietly catching my breath, I picked up all the cigarettes that had fallen on the floor and threw them into the trash can next to me.

“Really, that’s fucking pathetic.”

[The timing…]

“No matter what you say, it’s just an excuse.”

All in all, every time I tried to smoke, Miho and Noah faced a difficult task.
Everything was just an excuse.
It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t tried to smoke in the first place.

“Let’s really quit. If you drop this damn thing again like this time, then…”

I couldn’t say anything.
I didn’t even have anything to bet in return.

[I-I…]

“Yes?”

[… ] … My, I was talking too much. He, he is doing well, but without realizing it, I was furious. So, please stop blaming yourself.]

I said while laughing.

“Okay, thank you…”

I couldn’t waste too much time here. Also, you don’t know when Noah will wake up. At least I wanted to show you that I am always by your side whenever you open your eyes.

「Click!」

“Hey, what else…”
“Tonnu, are you okay?”
“Bitch. You said it was okay are you okay. It’s okay.”
“Guds! Tonnu, it wasn’t a good face!”

Miho said when she laid the blanket next to Noah, patting the clumsily crumpled blanket with her dainty hand.

“Lying down here too. Miho will take care of you.”
“Oh, is that so?”

As if I couldn’t help it, I smiled and lifted Miho up with both hands and hugged him.

“Kyaaah! Do you want to lie down?”
“I will lie down. With you.”

Then, with Miho, he lay down next to Noah and met her eyes.
Looking at Miho’s sparkling blue eyes, my head and heart, which had been heated for some reason, seemed to cool down a little.

“I’m so glad you’re there, you’re first.”
“Why?”

If Miho hadn’t been here, I might never have gotten up again.

“… I’ll make sure I don’t call you an idiot often in the future.”
“Can’t we just not call?”
“It is difficult.”
“Eh…”

I’ve never been sad or hurt because of someone else having a hard time or being in pain.
But strangely, when Miho and Noah struggled, I suffered just as much as they did.

‘What can I do for these children?’

I muttered that to myself, and I fell asleep with Miho and I hugging each other.

*

「Crush, rustle!」

The first thing I saw when I quietly woke up from the sound of something rustling was Miho snoring in my arms.

‘Then, what’s moving now…’

Omg!
I swallowed the empty wind and jumped up, and Miho, who was in my arms, jumped up in surprise.
And both couldn’t help but look at the absurd sight.

“Noah!”
“Noah!”

There, Noah was tidying up the house, rummaging through the refrigerator, and preparing to cook. The moment I saw that, I was momentarily emotional and angry, but I held back as much as I could and quickly picked Noah up and put him back on the futon.

“You have to be still! Why, what the hell Because it’s okay.”
“Ah, ah, no, no… Dad. Noah, Ji, it’s really good. W, I don’t even have a fever anymore.”

It might have been a lie again.
Wasn’t he a child who endured even the pain and acted calmly until he walked around the aquarium?
Still, from the outside, it seemed right that the fever had gone down and the complexion had improved.

“Even so, you can’t move already. It’s absolutely stable for the time being.”
“Yes? Ha, but…”
“But go to sleep, stay still. Dad and Miho can do this much.”

Scared to finish my words, Miho accidentally lifts the garbage bag backwards, and a lot of garbage pours down into the room.
When Noah saw this and tried to clean him reflexively, I laid her down on the blanket and tied her body tightly with another blanket.

“… Dad can do it all by himself, so you two are absolutely safe today.”
“Kyaaaaa~ Miho, you got caught.”

Miho, you’re such a clown!

I left the two alone and cleaned up, but Noah, who was trying to get out of the blanket, screamed as if he realized there was no way.

“Dad! Noah, you can! That, so! Noah…”
“Know.”
“… !”

Tight, I said as I tied up the general garbage bag.

“You clean well and cook well. Now, both I and Miho know that there is no housework that I cannot do.”
“Then let Noah help too! Noah can do it! You can do it! So…”
“You don’t have to do well.”
“Then Noah is useless…”
“It can be useless.”

“Shoot!”

After washing and wiping my hands thoroughly with a towel, I gently stroked Noah’s hair.
I don’t know how many times I’ve said it already, but yeah… If you can’t do it a few times, let’s say it tens of thousands of times.

“It doesn’t matter whether children are useful to parents or not.”
“No, Noah…”
“No matter what happens, don’t give up. Never throw it away Even if the world perishes, I will protect you.”
“Why…”
“That’s because you guys are precious.”

To the extent that it is now impossible to turn back.
It’s because it’s become so important that I can’t even say the oath of breaking up with you guys out of my mouth, even as a joke.

“So, let’s be quiet for a while, shall we? I also want to eat Noah’s meals, and it helps a lot when Noah cleans. But even in a sick state, then I and Miho cry too.”

Only then did Noah calm down and open his mouth cautiously.

“Dad.”
“Yes?”
“Dad.”
“Okay.”
“Dad…”
“Okay.”

Noah smiled bashfully, but this time he showed a worried expression as if he had thought of something else.

“That strange thing Noah said before he collapsed. You can forget this. Noah, it’s okay…”
“I can’t give you a definite answer.”
“… !”
“But, I will try. I don’t know if I can find a mother you like, but I’ll try my best.”

Noah, who widened his eyes at my words, quickly hid under the blanket so that only his eyes could see, and began to wander.

“Hehe,hehe…”

Seeing her like that, I said to her in a dumbfounded voice.

“Come to think of it, did you scream earlier with a very loud voice?”
“That, that… !”
“That?”

Noah, who had gone under the blanket a little more, complained in a small voice with her cute voice.

“… Mo, I don’t know…”

Seeing this, Miho and I blinked.
A little bit, I wonder if Noah has become comfortable with us.

Then Noah called me.

“Dad, I’m sorry, but can you come over here for a moment?”
“What is it?”

She hurriedly put her face in it, wondering if it hurt again.

“Side!”

“… !”

When I looked at Noah in surprise at the unexpected surprise kiss, Noah had already crawled under the covers.

“Sah, I love you…”

Miho, who watched this from the side of her, opened her eyes wide, but then muttered as if nothing had happened.

“Criminal?”
“Are you kidding!”

We, who were lacking in so many ways, realized many things through another ordinal, and were in the process of facing another change.