Chapter 77 – The Good Boy (4)

Good boy (4)

Originally, it was a somewhat inconvenient extra bed that would have been used frequently by students who spent the night in the study room and students who were caught during the dormitory curfew.

The unique smell of the earth on a rainy day and the still cool night air.

Toduk- Toduk- Toduk-

Cha Ha-yan was spending the second night in the classroom, quietly watching the raindrops on the window.

Kihehehehehehe!

The cries of zombies echoed clearly in her ears even in the silence of the rain alone.

Cha Ha-in was forcibly staring at the memories of her that still haunted her retinas.

A huge number of zombies that he saw with him on the back of a world, and zombies with happy expressions running towards them.

A zombie with a completely torn face and mouth torn from ear to ear.

Missing an arm, or missing a leg–in the worst case, half-eaten at the waist-

The faces of those zombies, who had been running desperately without any hesitation even with a defect that could not be easily overcome as a human being, came back to her through the raindrops that flowed down her window.

Like a screen, the window of the dim study room continued to project her morning fears to her.

However, Chahayan still did not close his eyes despite the terrible sight.

Because when she closed her eyes, the view reflected in the window was more blurry than the one that came to her mind – she stared at the cloudy window with her eyes open.

Ha-

I can’t stand it, I breathe very lightly and my heart is still beating.

Kihehehehehehe!

Again, hearing the sound of crying ringing in her ears, Cha Ha-yeon tossed and turned her body on the cot.

Swoop-!

As she turned her body to the other side, her bare skin and the blanket collided so clearly.

Even in the midst of this, Cha Ha-in was too embarrassed to say that, so she pursed her lips slightly.

As she grips the blanket, the thick darkness unfolds before her eyes.

On the other side of the window, which was far too dark compared to the window through which even the moonlight was hidden by dark clouds, she stared at the dim partition.

No, she could only whisper, looking at someone who might be beyond.

“… Mr. Han Se-gye?”

When everything is scary, the scariest thing is the silence that reminds her that she is alone.

“Why.”

A dry voice mixed with a bit of annoyance that answered her call right away.

Strangely, her brows furrowed slightly at the answer that didn’t feel very nice, but she had no choice but to ask him a very awkward question again.

“… What, what are you doing?”
“Uh- well. The sister-in-law who keeps whining because she can’t sleep?”

There was a thick smile under the voice of Han Se-gye, who answered calmly.

Cha Ha-yan’s eyes narrowed even narrower at the low tone of laughter that continued for a long time even after he finished answering, saying, “What’s funny?”

“It’s a joke. Just- thinking about which way to go to be safe tomorrow other than the Rock Church?”
“…”
“So, Chaseolha, you should stop tossing about and go to sleep, right? It’s already three hours, three hours. You tossed and turned without sleeping like that.”

… Chaseolha.

Cha Ha-yan kept his mouth shut, repeating the wrong name Han Se-gye kept calling him.

Cha Seol-ha, not Cha Ha-yeon.

He wasn’t awkward at all even though it was clearly not his name.

Especially since it’s a name I’ve had in my heart for a very long time.

So she-

“… How amazing.”

It’s amazing-

“It’s definitely not my name that I’m referring to—it’s strangely like my name.”

It was complicated again.

“It is the first time. She never heard that name from anyone…”

A bitter smile formed on Cha Ha-yan’s lips as he gazed over the screen.

“It’s a secret that her father really hates so much, and even among her family, it’s a secret…”
“Of course, that would be very offensive to your father.”
“…”

Cha Ha-in licked her lips several times in response to Han Se-gye’s answer that immediately flowed.

To her she shared a secret with someone and talking about it was so foreign now.

“To be honest, seeing that not only your father but also you guys knew about it, to be honest, your mother seems a bit careless.”
“…”
“Any father would have gone mad if he heard that? Especially if you love your mother and you.”
“… Why?”

It was the first answer I heard, and the first question asked.

“… Why is a name important to love me? Chahayan can be done, but why can’t Chaseolha?”

It was a question that was hidden deep in her heart and that she could not even ask her family.

“Because the human heart is not a big ocean.”

“It’s not a big sea, it’s a stream of many colors.”

“No matter how deep and wide her love for you is, her wife’s resentment and anger toward her ex-husband will surely flow next to it.”

“No one can live with only one emotion.”

The voice of Han Se-gye resounds slowly in a very quiet classroom.

Cha Ha-in was listening to her whispers, holding her blanket tightly.

“That’s why I said it was an illness, sister-in-law.”
“…”
“Besides, you have different thoughts on the inside, but there is only one emotion that comes out.”
“Isn’t it—? I think of Han Se-gye as a bad person on the inside and a bad person on the outside.”
“Yeah, you just have to be honest about it. Stop pretending to be nice.”

A low voice that reacts with a smile calmly to the rebellious spirit that suddenly sprung out.

Cha Ha-yan unknowingly bit her lips tightly and hurriedly continued her next words.

“Even if I’m pretending to be nice, why is that bad? If I persevere a little, a better situation will follow, so why do I have to say and do things that I don’t have to do?”
“The fact that you’re holding back something means that there may come a moment when you can’t stand it.”
“…”
“When the dam you’ve endured so much breaks, and everything you’ve been holding back pours out—you’ll probably regret it.”

Cha Ha-yan’s eyes began to tremble at the calmly flowing answer.

“No one will understand you. Because no one will know how much you endured and how much you endured.”

“People will rather see you as a strange person who vomits out the emotions you’ve endured so much.”

“Because you will know that you are the real you.”

Cha Ha-yan held onto the blanket and whispered softly at Han Se-gye’s words.

“All, you…”
“What?”
“Ha, you recognized Han Se-gye!”

My voice rose slightly in spite of my anger.

Strangely, as she felt her ear lobe rapidly rising in temperature, the sound of laughter from the Han Segye, who spat out a light laugh, permeated her ears.

“… Don’t you think I’m a mind reader? I’m just guessing what I heard from Seol-hee.”
“…”
“So I wanted to tell you this when I met you.”

You don’t have to be forced to remain a good child, Seolha.

“…”

As if she was anxious about something, her teeth gnawed and chewed on her lips without rest, and her hands gripped the quivering blanket.

“Just because you’re not good doesn’t mean you’re bad. I heard your father was a very nice person too?”
“…”
“But just because you got angry and stubborn about your name a few times doesn’t mean your father is a bad person.”

“It’s either good or bad. Abandon such extreme thoughts. If you don’t live kindly, do you live badly?”

You just live like you

“I am me, Seol-hee is Seol-hee, you are—”

As you

… Living like me

That short sentence was too difficult for Cha Ha-yan.

“Of course I know why you did it.”

“My father has another sister, a father who is very sensitive to the issue, and a mother who remarried and gave birth to herself.”

“I don’t think you would want to creak in a family that is already creaking enough.”

“You must have thought that if only you remained as a good child, you would be able to maintain a harmonious family.”

“Usually, a child who notices a shaky family is bound to mature prematurely.”

Toduk- Toduduk- Toduk-

The continuous sound of rain pounding outside the window and the sound of the blanket and skin rubbing against each other.

Cha Ha-yan unknowingly went a little deeper towards the partition and opened her ears wider.

“From such a kind daughter, such a kind younger brother to a kind idol member.”

Smoke that gets longer and more frequent.

A kind smile that hides its true intentions and shows off to everyone brightly whether it likes it or not.

People who look at themselves like that and smile brighter that they are nice.

Family, older sisters, High Queens member older sisters, countless fans—

From family to countless fans.

“It must have been very difficult, you too.”
“…”

It was the first thing I heard from all of them.

A person who has so easily penetrated the inner thoughts that have never been revealed.

A person with a bad mood who casually denounces what one should do as being nice.

“And what if other people hate me?”
“…”
“What if you leave me because you are disappointed in my behavior?”

That’s why she was the one who could bring out the anxiety that was very deep in her heart and ask.

“To be honest, that’s a bit of a problem.”
“… What is it. Then just-”
“So draw a kind of invisible line. And it’s a reminder that if you cross that line, you’ll get angry.”
“… Line.”
“And if you’re leaving because you’re disappointed with your actions, that’s probably not a valuable person.”
“…”
“First, get back the whole you, and then find your precious people.”

The invisible line and the whole me…

Cha Ha-yan, who had uttered that, carefully asked a question he was curious about.

“But how do you let me know in advance that you will get angry if you cross the line?”
“Is there anything special? It’s just a verbal warning if you see any signs of it. You’re crossing the line I’ve drawn, be careful or something—”

Ah ― Cha Ha-in, who nodded with a small exclamation, gazed over the screen again.

“Mr. Han Se-gye.”
“… Why?”
“You are warning me now. Did you know that I wouldn’t know that I keep treating you like a child and making fun of you on purpose? You have crossed the line so many times.”

Even though it was a very severely lowered tone, on the contrary, a full-blown, absurd laugh flowed through the cracks in the partition.

“Cha Seol-ha, the same goes for you. If it wasn’t for my sister-in-law, I would have hit her in the head with honey chestnuts more than ten times.”
“… What, what?”
“Even now, it’s true to see that my sister-in-law, who can’t sleep, is talking to her partner-“
“Chi- I’m the one talking to you, right?”
“Aha—is that so? Then, unfortunately, I don’t need anyone to talk to, so could you please close your eyes now?”

Pop-

A very weak noise heard in Cha Ha-yan’s ears as he hurriedly tried to answer the criticism of Han Se-gye.

Tuk-tuk-tuk-

As she paid more attention, the sound of water drops hitting the floor at a regular interval resonated more clearly in her ears.

“…”

Ha-yan Cha stared alternately at the blanket and partition he was covering several times without saying anything.

While she was unable to open her lips all the way, the low voice of the world came to her again.

“Turn your body straight.”
“…”

While slightly frowning at the dry tone of voice, he turned his head back from looking at the partition to the ceiling.

The ceiling of the room, which has no windows or partitions, is filled with vague darkness.

“Close your eyes.”

Cha Ha-in gently closed her eyes as she gazed at the darkness.

A perfect darkness where no zombie screams or zombie faces come to mind.

“… Go to sleep.”

My heart is strangely calm at the words I spit out in a tone full of annoyance.

Toduk- Toduk- Toduk-

The sound of rain hitting her ears as if helping her sleep and her calm mind.

───────.

Feeling her shoulders, shrunken in tension and fear, slowly touch the soft bed…

She closed her eyes more deeply.