641 – Losing Life – 2
I couldn’t open my mouth to the dragon’s words and eyes.
Because I could understand what he said. Because I’ve seen those eyes before.
Because it wasn’t that long ago, just a few years ago, I saw it in myself and no one else.
“What is the meaning of living alone for someone who has lost his wife and child? The pillar that supported my life has collapsed, and my burning soul has long since cooled down.”
He pondered what the dragon said and smiled bitterly.
I lost my lover who was like a wife to me. I lost friends who were as precious as lovers. I lost the future I dreamed of having a cute child.
‘The pillars collapsed and the soul cooled.’
This is indeed true. I was like that 6 years ago. That was the case with me, who lost everything right after the end of the Great Subjugation War.
The pillar that supported me collapsed, and the soul that had energized me became colder than anything else. So miserable that the heat of the past felt like a lie.
In fact, I could have given up on life at the time. I had no regrets about life because I had lost everything, and I was able to follow in their footsteps because I had no reason to live anymore.
Nevertheless, the reason I persisted without giving up was simple.
‘I didn’t even think I had the right to give up.’
Because my life, which those guys saved by throwing away their lives, was no longer mine alone. Because the fake who kicked out the original owner and took over his body he could not take his own life
Besides, there was too much work to do to die. So much so that even the regrets that never existed are growing.
‘If I die, the peace I gained will be shattered.’
Even if it was a half-hearted peace that missed Dorgon, peace was still peace. Even in a situation where the 2nd prince was barely ousted and a proper successor was found, the new head of the inspection department, who was supposed to be the successor’s confidant, died? There is nothing more terrible than that.
And along with the second prince, I wanted to punish the Asilon family, the source of all evil. If I didn’t achieve that, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to close my eyes even if I died, and once I achieved my revenge, I ended up living with the same inertia that I had been running towards.
‘That dragon must be just that time.’
It is said that the dragon, who lost his wife and child, granted Liv Norman’s hand for his wish her her her her. In that case, the reason Dragon’s family died because of Apels.
Fortunately, the dragon got revenge like me, but that was the end of it. Because he no longer had a reason to live, he lost his drive and motivation. I just lived with the inertia of running like I did in the past.
Since the fall of Apels happened 300 years ago, it might make sense to live for 300 years through inertia, but isn’t a dragon a being that lives for eternity beyond the level of a long-lived species? It would have been possible to cover 300 years with enough inertia.
‘Could I end up like that too?’
I thought about that for a moment as I looked into the empty dragon’s eyes. That dragon could have become my future.
The reason I, who had been living in inertia, was able to change was because I received her Mar’s confession of her. Although they were enemies, they had superiors and subordinates with whom they could share affection. This is because I have created countless families on one hand, and I have opened my heart to the families I used to distance myself from. Thanks to that, I have a new pillar.
But what about that dragon? After revenge, everything is over. There was no new connection, no reason to live. I don’t feel guilty about taking someone’s body like I did in the past. That’s why I want to give up on life.
‘…Can I persuade you?’
My heart is heavy. I could barely guess the dragon’s pain, so I couldn’t bear to open my mouth. Thinking that I might have walked the same path as that dragon, I couldn’t offer any consolation.
To that dragon, anything you say will be nothing more than an empty sound. Everything I say will have been repeated for hundreds of years.
Reason led me to that conclusion. Persuasion is meaningless, and it is easier for both parties to just go back.
‘That can’t be possible.’
At the same time, my heart cried out strongly.
Don’t ignore that poor dragon. Don’t neglect the existence that may have been my future, but let them live a new life like me.
The reason is also simple. Because that is a future that I didn’t know I would have experienced, and at the same time, it is also a future that I will experience.
‘If my lifespan extends, it will be like that.’
If I were to live hundreds of years like Trixie, I would leave my wife and children first.
Of course, Trixie will remain by my side, but it doesn’t change the fact that I let my precious relationship go first. If I ignore the pain of other beings, who will comfort me and embrace me when that pain comes to me?
“It must have been very difficult. I can understand why you made that decision.”
The dragon’s eyes widened for a moment at those words.
“That’s surprising. As soon as the Lord heard me, he told me to build a new pillar.”
“Unlike him, I was able to listen to the old man’s feelings and his gratitude to his kindness. It is not polite to talk about such a topic.”
“Hmmmm… “
Then, the widened pupils slowly turned into narrow eyes.
“To put it briefly, I didn’t think I would go back, so I wrote down what I wanted to say, but it was pointless.”
Eventually, a voice mixed with a faint, very faint laughter was heard.
It was so subtle that you wouldn’t notice it if you weren’t concentrating.
“Elder.”
“Are you planning to go back now? Since you came to this remote place because of me, I’ll at least use teleportation.”
“No, that’s not it…” ” “
After taking a quick look around, I placed my butt on the rock where the rabbits were gathered. The conversation may be long, so you should at least prepare a chair.
At that moment, the dragon also said, ‘How dare a mortal sit in front of me!’ I don’t think I have the personality to say the same thing. If he says something like that, it also means that he has a stronger desire for life than he thinks.
“Can I talk about myself this time?”
“What about you?”
The dragon remained silent at my suggestion, then nodded his head calmly.
“Well… Do whatever you want.”
Fortunately, permission was granted.
***
I expected that the Lord would send someone. He is a very affectionate person, and he likes to talk about Emperor Amanka with those who remember him.
But I didn’t know that he would send such a strange guy.
“I’m the senior team leader, but they’re pushing me so hard. Even though I’m the youngest, don’t I have a higher rank and status? They don’t know what’s up or down, and they pass on all kinds of tasks to me or harass me.”
“I see.”
“Some people even tried to drink rubbing alcohol instead of alcohol, saying it was alcohol. For their own purposes, they tried to dilute it as much as possible by adding it to water or using bread as a strainer, but would that work? When they woke up, they said they couldn’t see and were in an uproar. “
“Yes, sir.”
He must have come to persuade me, but after listening to what I said, he dismissed it and said he understood.
After that, instead of trying to persuade me, he didn’t even listen to what I had to say, and just poured out what he had experienced.
“If I think about it now, it would not be strange for him to die at any time. In a way, I am glad that he died fighting rather than drinking.”
A guy who even talks about his dead friend while laughing
It’s strange. I know that human lifespans are a mere speck compared to ours, but this human child is the youngest among humans. I can’t understand that a guy like that would let his friend go first, or that he would lose his lover his, or that he would laugh about it.
Why? Could it be that he is a madman whose mind has been twisted by shock? Or are you just a fool who doesn’t care who dies?
‘That’s not it.’
I even had that thought for a moment, but I quickly shook it off.
There was no way the Lord would have sent such a person to a dragon that he had decided to go to rest, and although this child’s words were light, they were not filled with madness.
So I can’t understand it even more. Why does this child laugh and talk about the death of his lover and close friend? How is that possible? Because human life is short, is the shock short and small?
“Elder.”
“Say it.”
As I looked down at the human child with complicated feelings, the human child also looked up at me and changed his eyes.
“What kind of person were your wife and children?”
“What?”
And with the next words, I got up from my prone position.
‘Cheeky.’
Still, since he was sent by Lord, he didn’t bother me and just made a fuss in front of me, so I left him alone.
But how dare you bring up her and her child in front of me?
How dare you, on a human subject?
‘To the race that took away everything from me.’
My hand twitched her, but I held it back. Because I know that the current empire is different from the Apels b*stards who stuck a knife in my heart.
There are too many people, and we live too short a time, to hate everyone based on the karma of just a few.
“Why are you angry?”
‘This b*stard.’
It feels like the emotions I managed to calm down will explode again─
“I think of the people I love more than anyone else, but why can’t I smile and get angry?”
Silver…
“Now the only people in this world who remember them are the elderly. Why are the elderly ignoring them?”
…
“Why do you want to forget your memories with them and choose to live in eternal sleep where you cannot even recall your memories?”
“Stop.”
A human child stopped from speaking.
It was obvious even if I didn’t listen to what was going on.
“For a guy who looks rough, he’s surprisingly good at speaking.”
“I’m sorry, but nobles are a group that suffers a lot from lack of eloquence.”
“Well, that’s true. That doesn’t change even after thousands of years.”
I let out a small sigh and put my body back on the floor.
“It’s a human child.”
“Yes, old man.”
“Did you love the children you sent before you?”
“I loved you more than myself.”
“Do you miss the children you sent before?”
“If we meet again, I am confident I will cry all day.”
I nodded in response without hesitation. I feel the same way.
“Then how did you overcome that pain?”
“Unfortunately, I couldn’t overcome it.”
“Then why are you laughing?”
“Because a pillar has been created that is taller than the hole in my heart.”
I closed my eyes for a moment after hearing those words.
“I lost a family that had been with me for hundreds or thousands of years.”
I opened my eyes again.
“Do you think you can build a pillar like that hole?”
“I can’t give you a sure answer. My life won’t reach that point, so how can I be confident?”
The human child who said that got up from the rock and hugged the nearby rabbits in his arms.
“But I can tell that the old man is ready to erect a pillar.”
At the human child’s words, I looked at the tiny rabbits.
Those weak and worthless guys also pricked their ears and looked at me.
“…Aiya.”
“Yes, old man.”
“Your life is fleeting compared to mine. It is an insignificant amount of time that is impossible to even compare.”
“I know.”
“So, I will put my thoughts on hold for just that moment.”
Okay. Anyway, this is a life that lasts for 300 years without dying. Even if a few decades are added, nothing will change.
“I won’t tell Rod. At least I think highly of your reputation and effort, so I will remain quiet until I see your resting place.”
“I will come often to say hello.”
“So.”
He laughed and picked off one of the scales near her arm.
“You had the opportunity to take everything in my body. I will give you that in exchange for your foolishness in giving up that opportunity.”
“Thank you, old man.”
Looking at the human child who bowed his head politely, she opened her mouth for the last time.
“It’s a human child.”
“Yes, you say so.”
“What is your name?”
“It is called Karl Crasius of Tyglehen.”
He nodded, engraving the needlessly long name in his head.
This is the first time since Emperor Eimanka the Great that I have memorized a human’s name.