66 – Food is Always Important

We came to the cafeteria to eat.

Just like before going to the Magical Capital Hospital, we were there at the appointed time, together with the dormitory residents.

However, the meal was not the same as before.

“What the…”

It was meager.

It wasn’t just that I felt it was meager because I was a man, it genuinely was. Even a kindergartner, let alone a grown woman, would be left hungry by this meal.

The bare minimum of sustenance needed to sustain life.

No, even that seemed slightly questionable.

So much so that I even started to think that the crappy potatoes and rice balls we were given in the military as “6.25 Special Rations” were better. That’s how serious the state of the food was.

Just why in the world did something like this happen?

This wasn’t merely my sentiment, it seemed, as Whitedog, Sora, and Taishi made their discontent quite evident.

“Is this some sort of Magical Penance Week starting today? Magical grub is just garbage!”

“No, like, there’s nothing to even *eat*?”

“I thought the Buddha’s Magical Asceticism was forbidden, so what in the world is going on, I wonder?”

Only Les remained silent amidst this debacle.

Our gazes naturally gravitated towards Les. Just then, Les gave a slight nod.

“Tonight’s dinner is…Magical Mediocre, though?”

She wore a surprisingly bright smile as she said it.

A moment of silence.

Then, we each chimed in with a word or two.

“I always thought you became an idiot after every orgasm, but did it actually happen for real?”

“Don’t spout such nonsense, I wonder. Even the Buddha would be angered, I wonder.”

“Muyong, did you perhaps get smacked in the head with Mediocre?”

“Acting all Mediocre, Les, you wretch.”

Les wore an expression of wounded indignation in the face of our chilly reception.

“No, but tonight’s is really Magical Mediocre!”

We cocked our heads, as if to say ‘explain yourself.’

Les sighed deeply.

“Ah, of course, you wouldn’t know. I’m the only one who’s been coming to the Magical Cafeteria for food.”

This was a bit unexpected.

I had only returned today, so it was only natural that I didn’t know the situation, as this was my first time in the cafeteria.

But haven’t the others been to the cafeteria either?

Why are they reacting like they don’t know?

I shifted my gaze to the others, excluding Les.

“Didn’t you guys eat with Les?”

“No, Muyong kept saying she’d eat separately, so we took care of ourselves. We didn’t go to the Magical Cafeteria, though.”

“The food at the Magical Cathedral has been pretty good, so I’ve been eating there for a while. Sora followed me.”

“This girl, too, has been similarly resolving her meals at the Magical Temple for some time, I wonder.”

I roughly understood.

“Well, Rez probably said she was too busy pleasuring herself to eat with everyone. That’s why she’s here alone, I guess.”

Still, it’s hard to grasp that this is considered average.

Even the magical girls around us seemed to react the same way as Rez. It was almost painful to see them smile after being served this level of meal.

“Rez, so why is this ‘normal’? When did the standard for magical commissary food drop so low?”

“Ah, well, you see…”

Rez offered a wry smile as she continued.

“They say the magical commissary officer’s been skimming too much off the top, so the magical food supply’s gotten really bad lately.”

“Ah, I see.”

It’s the age of magical girls, but things haven’t changed much regarding embezzlement, now or ever. I mean, how different could people’s lives really be?

“Even still, this is actually one of the better days. It was way worse before.”

“Noo, how bad could it have been?”

“The magical commissary officer is part of the Magical Christianity group, and last time, claiming it was a ‘Jesus meta,’ they only gave out four eggs.”

“Four eggs per person?”

“No, four eggs in total.”

“Whoa, that’s a bit much, isn’t it?”

Even for embezzlement, this time was a bit much.

Giving only four eggs to all these magical girls.

“Wasn’t that magical commissary officer apprehended, milady?”

“Rumor has it they were magically paroled after three days?”

“Is that even possible? We’re not exactly in the king’s county of kidnappers here.”

Even if caught, they are only paroled for three days and resurrected.

At Rez’s words, I looked over at Whitie.

“Hey, this isn’t that Jesus’ loaves and fishes thing, is it?”

“If this was loaves and fishes, then the twelve baskets would be filled with our Jesus’ body, not food.”

“Then this must be disease and fishes.”

Well, it definitely isn’t loaves and fishes.

At least loaves and fishes filled everyone up.

Of course, whether Jesus actually filled everyone up with loaves and fishes, or just made everyone full and paid for the check in loaves and fishes-equivalent amount of money, we can leave that matter for another moment.

As Whitie said, if we called this loaves and fishes, then Jesus would be butchered by the masses before being crucified. Jesus in twelve pieces.

Anyways.

The Miracle of the Loaves and Fishes was a charitable act, nothing compared to what that Quartermaster Magical Girl pulled off.

Meanwhile, bewildered by the whole affair, Whitedog clung to Les.

“No, but is that even feasible? Messing with chow like that, you just gotta die.”

“Turns out, she’s tight with some Very Important Person who believes in the same Magical Christianity. Brags they’re practically one and the same, y’know?”

Let’s break it down.

This Quartermaster Magical Girl, she was practically Jesus incarnate.

Pulling stunts that made absolutely no sense.

Getting legally punished for said stunts.

Then getting sprung thanks to the higher-ups.

And not just any higher-ups, but ones she was allegedly tighter with than skin on bones.

If that ain’t Jesus, what is?

“So that’s why the food’s such a goddamn disaster.”

“That’s right.”

Just what kind of powerful Magical Girl was backing her, that she could pull off something like that and only spend three days locked up?

As I chewed over the utter injustice—

– *Thunk.*

Someone planted their foot on the table.

Our gazes followed the sudden intrusion to the foot, and from there to the Magical Girl at the end of it.

Rank: Magical Sergeant.

Judging by her uniform, she was a Cook Magical Girl.

“What’s with all the griping?”

Maybe she thought the Quartermaster’s power was her power too. Or maybe she was just plain brain-addled.

The way she spoke was just infuriating.

But what else could you expect from a certifiable nutcase?

Then, the Cook Magical Girl snapped again.

“Just eat it, you goddamn b*tches.”

For a moment, we just stared at the Magical Girl in silence.

Then, from the heart of that heavy silence, Octopus suddenly burst out in admiration.

“Wow, coming back after so long, and the Magical Cafeteria’s service has really improved, it has!”

The Cook Magical Girl’s lips twisted in a grimace.

“What’s he even saying? Just shut up and eat─”

“Sending a magical call girl for free at dinnertime? That makes sense.”

“The hell! Who said what?”

And with Nakji’s words, his face twisted in disgust.

But no matter how enraged the other was, Nakji simply tilted his head.

“Putting your legs all over the magical dinner table, if that ain’t a magical call girl, then what is it?”

“Ha, you son of a b*tch.”

The cook-mage, a magical girl, scrunched her face up as much as possible and clenched her fist.

But she didn’t do anything more than that.

Instead, she spat out a question.

“Hey… what are you guys doing?”

Not to Nakji, but to Sora and Heindung.

“You shower magical call girls with money. That’s magical common sense in America.”

“Hey, do a magical twerk.”

Sora and Heindung were showering the cook-mage magical girl with money.

Or, to be more precise, they were practically throwing money at her face.

And not with bills, but with coins.

In other words, they were throwing metal scraps.

Each time a coin hit her face, it rang out with a clang! Clang!, like steel hitting steel.

The cook-mage magical girl gritted her teeth, finally pulling out her magic wand.

“You really want to die─!”

“Oh.”

“Kya, Kyaaak! Who the hell is this crazy b*tch!!!”

She immediately recoiled in fright, though.

The cause was none other than Lez.

Looking up the cook-mage magical girl’s lower half.

“It’s white.”

“W-why are you looking at that!”

It was impressive in many ways.

To be checking the cook-mage magical girl’s underwear in a situation that you could call tense.

“But… why isn’t the back all white?”

“Sh-sh-shut uuuP!!!”

She really looked at it pretty closely, that crazy b*tch.

“It’s okay. Even if you don’t wipe, I can accept it all. My Magical Tolerance is pretty broad.”

“It’s just a lot of hair, you effing idiot!”

Thanks to that, even the meager meal felt sufficient.

Because realizing a truth I didn’t want to know completely killed my appetite.

“Hey, what’s all the commotion?”

At that moment, a voice barged in abruptly.

Turning, there was a Magical Girl who emanated experience. The rank on her armband was Staff Sergeant, pretty high up.

“M-Magical Mess Officer-nim!”

“Oh? What’s the matter?”

“Well, you see!”

If the Cook Magical Girl was to be believed, that Magical Girl was likely the Magical Mess Officer.

Meanwhile, having heard the Cook Magical Girl’s explanation, the Mess Officer Magical Girl cast her gaze upon us.

“Seems like everyone is displeased with the Magical rations.”

A genial smile plastered on her lips.

But her eyes didn’t smile in the slightest.

“Then, take this opportunity to speak ‘freely’.”

Presently, the Mess Officer Magical Girl leaned forward slightly, meeting our eyes.

“Speak. Freely. Hmm? Tell me what you think.”

One by one, fiercely, as if ready to kill.

“There’s something you want to say. Isn’t there? Hmm?”

Unable to withstand the Mess Officer Magical Girl’s pressure? Feeling the disparity in rank was too great? None of us opened our mouths easily.

Well, it wasn’t hard to understand.

The other party was a Magical Girl with a certain degree of authority.

Expressing an opinion itself wouldn’t be easy.

So, everyone remained silent.

“If you have nothing to say, eat quietly, you b*stards.”

Since being a Magical Girl was her profession, securing her position would be the most important thing for her.

“Got something you want to say to me?”

Honestly, it’s not what matters to me.

Something else is truly important.

“…Hey, why are you talking down to me?”

“You told me to speak comfortably.”

“…….”

Seriously, what is it with everyone being such a mess?

I speak comfortably because I was told to, so why is everyone acting up? Do these magical girls have no idea what it means to speak comfortably?

This is seriously frustrating.

The military is better than magical girls.

The division commander once told me to speak freely, and I immediately called him by his name, but he didn’t throw a fit like these magical girls.

He just chuckled.

As expected of a division commander, a good guy.

His name… I don’t remember, but I definitely remember that we became friends that day.

Of course, given the difference in rank, I maintained a minimum level of formality. No matter what, I’m an A-grade soldier, not some screw-up, so I could manage that much.

So I didn’t do anything much. Just put my arm around him during a chat and snatched his hat to wear.

I vaguely remember the two-star hat being surprisingly comfortable.

Anyway.

The military didn’t say anything as long as you faithfully followed orders. Everyone except me is stupid, but at least they all have a minimum standard.

On the other hand, unlike the military, magical girls keep finding fault with you even if you do everything you’re told.

Magical girls really are awful.

There’s a reason they’re called crazy.

But I, currently in my right mind, decided to put up with it for now.

Because I had one really important thing to say.

“Who made the kimchi?”

“Ugh…, sigh…….”

“Don’t sigh, answer me. Who made the kimchi? Did you make it yourself?”

“Yeah, I made the kimchi myself. Why? What about it.”

Honestly, I can put up with almost anything.

The poor quality?

The portions may be meager, but it’s not so bad.

At least, compared to my time in the other world, I can confidently say that the meals here are genuinely decent.

Bad taste?

It’s not something I can’t endure.

In that other world, I had to eat “anything,” but this, at least, resembles actual food.

However.

“This kimchi is fucking disgracefully made.”

This kimchi, I cannot tolerate.

“If anyone asks what this is, don’t call it kimchi. Say you accidentally served what you were planning to throw away.”

This isn’t kimchi.

It’s garbage masquerading as kimchi.

“If you call shit like this kimchi, no wonder China is claiming *pao cai* is the original.”

Any remotely normal Korean would be enraged by this trash. I can say with certainty that this was the worst kimchi I had ever tasted.

Then, it suddenly occurred to me.

“No. I spoke a little harshly.”

Frankly, I was a bit heated this time.

My bad.

I had to admit it.

“Even a Chinese person wouldn’t call this *pao cai*.”

The Chinese have taste buds too, you know. Calling this *pao cai* is an insult to Chinese culture.

“Don’t give this away for free, you son of a b*tch.”

The flavor was genuinely atrocious.

So bad that a starving homeless person would throw the food back at you, so bad that a North Korean defector would run back North if they ate it, so bad that it, for a moment, seemed even worse than what I ate in that other world.

“Got it?”

“HEY!!!”

At that moment, the mess hall’s magical girl quartermaster raised her voice.

“If cooking looks so easy!!!”

Then, she grabbed me roughly by the collar.

“Why don’t you try doing it yourself!!!”

While uttering words I couldn’t comprehend.

“Alright, let the Magical Cooking Competition commence! All magical girls, please prepare yourselves!”

“Ah, goddamn it.”

That’s how I found myself in this bizarre place.