083 – I Can’t Believe It
—
[Anyone been to an Elf Settlement?]
What’s it like?
Does milk and honey flow there?
For the record, I’ve never seen or met an elf, so I’m just filled with fantasies.
[Comments]
– There were elves in this game??
ㄴ (Original Poster): Yep, I just found out today too. Apparently, there’s a half-elf in the Magic Kingdom.
ㄴ ??????????????????????? Is that real?
ㄴ There’s an elf at the Arcane Campus???
– Why would milk flow from a breast, you crazy b*stard.
ㄴ (Original Poster): When did I say that?
ㄴ Ah
ㄴ Bro.
ㄴ LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL who’s calling who a crazy b*stard ㅋㅋㅋ
– I’ve spent 1200 hours at the Arcane Campus, and this is the first I’ve heard of elves?
ㄴ How many of those hours were devoted to… uh, ‘relations’?
ㄴ About 1180 hours?
ㄴ Then it’s no wonder you wouldn’t know… wait, did you even see the ending?
ㄴ There’s an ending in this game? I was too busy focusing on ‘relations’ to notice.
– Half-elf? What do they look like?
ㄴ (Original Poster): The one I saw was just sooo damn handsome. For the record, she’s a woman.
ㄴ ?
“…What?”
“…A woman, but handsome?”
” (Poster): Yeah, a woman, but seriously handsome. Even her voice is masculine.”
—
Since Miss Ella ranked among the top students of the second year, her sparring opponent was another second-year student who could wield magic.
Though, pure mages weren’t allowed to participate in sparring at the academy.
Only students who chose professions like magic swordsmen or magic spearmen, using magic as a supplement, were permitted to participate.
Currently, Miss Ella was holding her own perfectly against a magic swordsman flitting about with wind magic.
“Woah…”
The sparring of the second-year’s top students was now within sight,
making it instantly clear just how incredible Miss Ella’s combat abilities were.
*Beep-*
“Ella Eloise wins.”
“Our lady won!”
Just last month, when watching the sparring matches,
it had only been enough to rejoice whenever Miss Ella won…
But now, able to see each individual movement of Miss Ella’s greatsword technique, I could newly appreciate what a formidable person she was.
“Her combat sense, her movements… to use her body so flexibly and still have such strength behind it…”
Just as Miss Ella entered the waiting room, I glanced around the empty surroundings.
“It’s a shame His Majesty couldn’t make it.”
Originally, he had said he’d come to watch the academy sparring matches again today.
But for some reason, His Majesty had sent a letter with a proxy, saying he couldn’t attend.
“I was going to ask him about things to watch out for regarding the Empress…”
A pity, but what could I do?
My only option was to do my best not to make any mistakes when I was received by the Empress tomorrow.
“Miss Isabella.”
“Hmm? What is it?”
“Do you happen to know anything about the Empress?”
So, to prepare as best I could in the moment,
I requested information about the Empress from Miss Isabella.
And wouldn’t you know it, our Miss Isabella, who’s spent her life observing people,
“Oh! I know a lot! I even saw her briefly for like, three months, a long time ago. When she was, you know, in her right mind, of course.”
had much more detailed information than I expected.
“…You saw her for three months?”
“She was a pretty interesting person. She kept coming up with the most unexpected ways to try and save the former Imperial Princess. I kept watching to see what method she’d try next.”
“…Could you tell me about it?”
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch!”
“Who taught you to say such wicked things?”
“My lord!”
“Oh dear… if you give me the information, I’ll pat your bottom non-stop from now until the end of sparring.”
“The Empress’s favorite food is strawberry cake, you see…”
…
Her Imperial Majesty’s age.
Favorite food.
Hobbies.
Height.
Bust size.
The fact that she, just like Asher, was a user of fire magic, and so on.
Thanks to Isabella, I’d managed to acquire a vast amount of information about the Empress.
Myaaah…
To properly acknowledge her contribution, I’d been patting Isabella’s rump for two hours straight without a break.
“Master…”
“Yes?”
“It feels… strange…”
“?”
That voice, the one Isabella made when she was in heat, reached me from below, startling me enough to glance down at her.
“Master…keeps…patting the places that feel… good…”
“Ah.”
I realized that I’d been stimulating her erogenous zones non-stop for a full two hours, that Isabella was getting quite worked up.
“Is this… what you call… masturbation? Is this… why humans… masturbate…?”
“No, you need a handjob for that, not whatever this is… Never mind. Sleep.”
“Ueeeh…”
Anyway.
Just before a complete disaster could occur, I hastily put Isabella to sleep.
Realizing that if I continued this rump-patting, I wouldn’t be able to handle it later that night, I stopped my hand…
“Ah…”
I was able to watch Ella lose her sparring match.
“You fought well, it’s just a shame.”
The Eloise family’s greatsword technique was truly overwhelmingly powerful.
However… unfortunately, the greatsword technique was a skill modified for men rather than women.
Even if Ella-ssi had modified it to best suit her own physique… the limitations were inevitable, which was a bit of a shame.
However.
“From the next sparring match onwards, things will be different.”
Because I had three vials of elixirs I’d confiscated from Lillian three days prior.
If I used those to create an ether core within Ella-ssi’s body, the results of the sparring matches next month would certainly be reversed.
…
As I waited for Ella-ssi to finish showering in my dormitory room’s bathroom,
I carefully placed the sleeping Isabella onto the bed and then, pretending it was an accident, tried to enter the bathroom myself –
Knock knock knock
“Alright then.
I was fully prepared to tear the bell-ringer apart.
Today, too, you attempt to disrupt my happiness.
Bang-“
Without hesitation, I yanked open the door beside the bathroom, knowing now that I wouldn’t be defeated by some bell-ringing punk, circulating the aether of my entire body to chase after them…
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Good morning?”
“..Did you put me to sleep?”
“No? You suddenly fell asleep on your own? Seems you overused your aether.”
“I see. Well, let me just get inside for a moment…”
“Ah, I’m sorry, I’m quite busy right now.”
*Thud-*
That half-elf b*stard.
When did he wake up?
And if he was awake, shouldn’t he be watching the remaining second-year sparring matches, why come to my room??
*Knock knock knock*
“Mihan-ssi?”
“I know your secret. It’s best you quietly leave.”
“..You know my secret?”
“Yes.”
“..I understand. I’ll calmly accept it, and receive whatever punishment the academy hands out… but… please, just listen to my story once.”
“?”
Wait, if he says it like that, doesn’t it sound like I’m blackmailing him?
I just… I just… Ah, I guess I *am* blackmailing him?
‘So, is it actually illegal for half-elves to attend the academy…?’
I genuinely didn’t know.
I just meant to let everyone know he was a half-elf!!
Of course, that was meant to mean, ‘It won’t affect your handsome, top-of-the-class academy life in the slightest!’
That he could potentially be expelled from the academy because of me?
If the situation suddenly develops like this, I’ll truly become the kind of garbage who would exploit someone’s weakness and blackmail them.
I can’t let a rumor about me being trash add on top of the rumors about me being a lolicon and pederast.
“Haaa… Seriously, Mihan… why are you so nice?”
I immediately rushed to my desk and wrote a note saying I had stepped out for a moment, sticking it to the bathroom door.
I couldn’t possibly let that young man into the room while Ella-ssi was taking a shower inside, so I left the room to listen to his story.
“Alright. I’ll only listen to your story. I won’t, you know, spar with you even if you ask.”
I aimlessly headed outside, wanting to take a stroll in the nearby park with Edmund, and descended the stairs.
He began to tell his story.
But…
“Thank you! First, I apologize for deceiving you… You probably won’t believe it, but we’re just… a species where women can’t help but be this handsome…”
“?”
“Originally, I was going to register as female, but… I judged that being a handsome man, rather than a handsome woman, would be more… efficient for achieving my goals…”
“???”
What is he even saying?
So, you’re saying… with that face, you’re a woman??
You’re saying… …you don’t have a downstairs???
So, you’re a woman… and you brazenly followed me into the men’s restroom, standing next to me at the urinal and chattering away????
“…You might not believe it, but I’m a half-elf, born between an elf and a human.”
“…”
“Of course… you probably don’t know what an elf is, but…”
The least important-sounding truth about the only guy I knew belatedly popped out…
But my mind was already.
“…Lies.”
“…Excuse me?”
“I don’t believe it.”
“It’s true. Humans don’t know much, but the elven race…”
I couldn’t believe that the man in front of me was actually a woman.
“Prove to me that you’re a woman.”
Wouldn’t you feel wronged too?
Some guys like adult women and even date them, but they’re rumoured to be lolicon.
I smacked everyone’s butt equally, male and female, and yet I get these weird rumours about being a gay guy.
“…Pardon?”
This student in front of me was living a dishonest life, but was being treated preferentially just for being handsome…
While the hero Miheon, who honestly protects the Magocracy, is everyone’s punching bag.
A half-elf of a different race, living a false gender, is an alpha male??
I can’t stand it.
I can’t stand this!
The absurdity of this society…
“A-are you… r-really only going to show me for a moment…?”
“?”
Even though I just blurted it out of frustration, I knew I had made an absurd request.
I was about to listen to some family drama that required the half-elf’s ‘infiltration’ skills…
Zzzzip… thud…
The sight of Edmund unzipping his pants and unbuttoning his trousers…
“This gay b*stard is trying to assault someone…!”
“No, I… I told you, I’m a woman…!”
“Put them back on, quickly!”
“But you told me to prove it…!”
“Who the hell asks for proof and then tries to show their downstairs! What if you are a man? Am I just supposed to let myself get taken? Huh!”
“What manner of drivel is *that* then…!”
Try as I might, the sight of the man lowering his trousers demanded a fierce outburst.