155 – Qualifications (1)

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How much time has passed?

I was still standing alone in front of the cabin.

As I stood there in the cold wind, my mouth open in a daze, I could feel that not only my lips but also my tongue were drying up, but I didn’t have time to pay attention to it right away.

No, it would be more accurate to say that I didn’t have the energy to care about things like my lips.

His vision was blurry.

His head was as dizzy as his eyes.

‘Even if I die, you… you alone will be happy. I’ll die for that.’

The voice of Sister Alice, with a determined expression and calm resolve to face her own death, lingers in my ears.

The sound of my heart beating so loud it was jarring also lingered in my ears.

An unpleasant sound, different from the sad, pounding sound of Sylvia’s heart, or from the rattling mechanical sound of Alice’s older sister.

The shamelessly selfish, dirty heartbeat rang clearly in my ears every time the cold wind swept across my skin.

I finally slowly moved my dry lips and let out a soft, cracked voice.

“Why, did I forget?”

I felt my body gradually changing through rigorous training, and I was absorbed in the fun of seeing my movements change every day.

Every night filled with ecstatic s*x helped me to relieve the loneliness and sadness that was eating away at me.

What a truly faithful time Sylvia gave me.

In the midst of his overflowing happiness, a certain sensation that had been gradually forgotten passed by sharply on my skin along with the cold air carried by the cold wind.

Again, I’m dying.

Also, someone dies next to me.

‘Even if I die, you… you alone will be happy. I’ll die for that.’

This time too,

Again.

“Because of me.”

Laila, Mr. Hardy, the anonymous men, the green lady.

People who died because of me.

The people I killed.

“Ugh…”

I hugged both my arms and bit my dry, rough lips.

I am a plague.

It is a disaster that makes those who come near it unhappy.

That’s why I decided to stay by Sylvia’s side, who couldn’t die.

As atonement, I accepted my fate and strongly insisted on subduing the Demon King, even though I might die.

But, how could I be like that?

“Forget that…”

It was certainly a luxury beyond my means to be able to enjoy the happiness of having Sylvia by my side.

But how could one forget that fact, no matter how much happiness one was surrounded by?

How could I smile so peacefully?

“pup…”

I squeezed my eyes shut, spitting out blood-smelling self-torture.

It is visible.

The sight of those who rebuke me.

We see Laila, whose flesh has been rotted and torn to a crisp, Mr. Hardy who has been mangled, and bodies that have been torn to pieces so that they cannot even stand in their entirety.

As the strong wind brushed past my fingertips, those terrible sensations became vivid again.

As the wind caressed the tip of my nose, the acrid smell of coal and the pungent smell of blood became so vivid that it made my nostrils tingle.

As the wind caressed my ears, it seemed as if I could hear the lament of a green woman trapped in a tree.

“Ah… ahh…”

And now it’s Sister Alice’s turn.

I slowly sat down on the floor.

No, it fell apart.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m really… really…”

It’s so disgusting that I can’t even shed tears.

The voice that barely crawled out from the scratchy roof of his mouth, from his ticklish throat, was murky and disgusting.

“Ha… haha, fate,”

That sounds like fate.

Could it be my destiny to go and catch the Demon King?

You try to cover up my ugly truth by chanting grand words that don’t suit me.

Even I fell for that pitiful lie.

You want to live with Sylvia?

He was already sharing a bed with her, a luxury that trash like me could never even dream of, and he was able to say such things.

It was nothing more than a threat and persuasion that I used to shout at Sylvia because I knew she would never reject me. That wasn’t my true intention either.

My true heart is,

From the very beginning, my annoying intentions were atonement and salvation.

Even in a country like this,

Even though I am worse than this beast that sacrificed my brother, my neighbors, and even the spirits that love me…

I thought that if I had the achievement of saving the world, or at least standing beside the two warriors, then maybe my sins could be forgiven.

It was to save face from having to face my older sister Maria, who died fighting to the end in front of the Demon King, my parents who risked their lives to save my siblings and let me escape, and Layla, who was torn apart by the teeth of beasts in the cold rain in the forest.

“Ha… ah, uh…”

I lay sprawled on the floor, clutching my chest.

It was painful, as if my selfish heart, which was beating shamelessly, was being squeezed by a cold, sharp iron chain.

I wish my heart would just burst like this.

I wanted to die irresponsibly.

I wanted to suffer forever, burning in the flames of hell.

Even so, I want to be forgiven.

“Ash.”

At that moment, someone called my name.

“It’s not Ash’s fault.”

“…”

Short, slow steps approached me.

The footsteps paused for a moment at the foot of my head, which was crouching on the floor, and then he slowly crouched down and carefully held my head.

A tail covered in soft fur slowly wrapped around her back, as if covering it from the cold wind.

“Bad idea.”

“…”

“You’re having weird, naughty thoughts again.”

“…”

Pia buried her face in my hair and shook her head from side to side.

The lips buried in my head continued speaking in a slurred pronunciation.

“no.”

Maybe because it touched my head directly,

The voice seemed to seep straight into my brain.

“I saw it all, everything. I saw Ash long before he got up from the fallen carriage.”

“…”

“I was there when Ash burned Layla’s body. I helped Ash kill someone. I watched Ash turn her into a tree at the Queen’s request. Ash remembers, too.”

That’s right.

Since I was a little fox,

No, from the time when it was just a flame in the shape of a fox,

No, Pia was with me long before I even noticed her existence.

“I know Ash, I know him best.”

“…”

“Ash is never a bad person. Ash didn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing wrong with Ash.”

“Pia…”

“If anyone says anything to Ash, I’ll get mad. When Ash dies, I’ll follow him and make sure neither Layla nor Maria can say anything.”

“It’s not that simple… I don’t know about Pia,”

“Ash doesn’t know.”

Pia continued speaking, cutting me off in a rare, strong tone.

She looked just like Sylvia.

“Ash is stupid and always thinks difficult.”

“…”

“Being an idiot.”

Pia spoke with emphasis, as if emphasizing the word fool.

“Ash knew from the start that those two wouldn’t say anything to him.”

“… No, no. You’ll blame me.”

“no.”

“Pia, I…”

“The only one who resents Ash is Ash.”

Pia said, hugging my head tighter.

It was such a strong force that it was surprising how such strength could come from those tiny arms.

I quietly rested my head against her small body.

I felt tears welling up in my tightly shut eyes, so I squeezed my eyelids shut even tighter.

The hot air that passed through my closed eyes and reached my throat felt like it would burst out in tears, so I bit my lips to keep them shut.

Pia started patting my head lightly.

“I shouldn’t be happy.”

“why,”

“You don’t deserve that.”

“I thought I was stupid, but I really am stupid.”

“…”

Pia’s tail stroked my back as if patting it.

“You don’t need any qualifications to be happy.”

“…What does that mean?”

“If you want Ash to be happy, then you can be happy.”

“…”

A laugh escaped from between my tightly shut throat.

I nodded, letting out a wet, raspy moan.

“yes.”

“huh,”

“That’s why it’s even worse.”

I said, shaking my head.

“I don’t want to be happy, Pia. I… I can’t.”

“I want it.”

Pia gently lifted my cheeks up with her tiny palms.

Pia’s hardened face entered my slowly rising vision.

The tears that were constantly overflowing from the large eyes fixed on that face also came into view only now.

“… I want, I want Ash to be happy.”

“Pia…”

“Alice wants it too. Sylvia wants it too… Ugh, I don’t know what that woman thinks, but I’m sure she wants it.”

Pia took her hands off my cheeks slightly and slapped me twice.

Tears fell one by one from the shock I had been holding back, but that was it.

I looked at Pia with a surprised face.

Pia looked at me like that and smiled slowly and bashfully.

“The Demon King must be caught for the sake of the world.”

“… uh,”

“Ash isn’t being punished for something he did wrong. It’s not like Ash is doing it because he has to.”

“…”

“Ash is working hard to kill the Demon King, which is very difficult, for the sake of the world.”

As I was blankly listening to Pia, Pia grabbed my cheek with her hand and forcibly shook my head up and down.

“What are you doing… nod”

“Oh, I see.”

As I nodded slowly, Pia continued speaking.

“Ash can be happy. Because he’s working hard for the world.”

“Then… if it fails,”

“It’s okay to be happy even if I fail, because that’s what I want.”

“…what is that,”

Pia shook her head up and down again.

I resisted, straining my neck.

“Ugh, don’t do that.”

“No, nod now.”

“Ah… Okay, I got it.”

“Nod quickly.”

I nodded reluctantly.

Pia smiled brightly, wiped her tears with her sleeve, and said.

“I’ll do it like I’m doing now.”

“… what?”

“Even if Ash doesn’t do it, I’m going to make it happen.”

“…”

Pia declared proudly.

You will make me happy even if it means forcing me to do so,

Sister Alice also said she would sacrifice herself for me.

Surely Sylvia would do the same.

The warm feelings that had been surging inside my chest to the limit gradually swelled up until it became too overwhelming to handle.

What kind of luxury is this?

How did I come to have such precious relationships?

Why do they all declare that they will make me happy?

What did I say,

Who the hell am I,

“Ash, don’t think like an idiot again.”

“…”

“I told you, I know.”

Pia grabbed my cheek tightly and slowly brought her face closer to me.

I was startled and tried to pull back, but Pia put the hand she had on my cheek around my neck and held me in place tightly.

No way, no way.

Could this be the karma that came back to haunt him for not stopping his love affair with Sylvia in front of Pia?

I couldn’t bear to look, so I closed my eyes tightly and lowered my head.

Bam,

Pia’s forehead slowly touched mine.

Oh, it looks like he wasn’t trying to kiss me.

“Your Majesty, do you remember what the green lady said?”

“… uh?”

“The spirits said they loved Ash.”

“… Yeah, I remember.”

“Both Alice and Sylvia love Ash.”

Sister Alice?

The feelings my older sister had for me were simply a feeling of favor mixed with nostalgia for the happy days of my childhood, and definitely not love.

Of course, she was a childhood friend who was close enough to talk about marriage with me, and I knew that Alice was concerned about me as I was the only remaining family member of Maria, who was her most precious friend.

Perhaps the basis of that feeling is the feeling of guilt for not being able to stay by Sister Maria’s side.

However, it was clear that he thought of me as special, as he had declared that he would make any sacrifice for me.

“huh…”

“Look at that.”

Pia was silent for a moment, then opened her mouth in a very serious voice.

It was a serious voice that had the dignity of a spirit that had existed for eternity, without the imitation of a ten-year-old child.

“I, Alice… Sylvia.”

“…”

“If someone who is loved this much cannot be happy, then who deserves to be happy?”

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