Chapter 68 – Stockholm Syndrome

Yoon Si-hoo glanced at Lee Seo-ha walking next to her.
When I didn’t know that she was a woman, I just thought she was a man who looked very pretty like a woman in terms of appearance.
A friend who knows she is a woman and now only sees her as a woman.

‘Lee Seo-ha…’

Now that she’s dressed as a man, she barely shows off as a woman at first glance.
Now that I know the truth, starting with my thin jawline, my neck is definitely thin enough to be called a man in the early 170s.
Pretty thick eyelashes and pretty lips even though they don’t look like makeup.
On top of that, he looks pretty solid to be called a woman, but his body, which is a little short for a man, was no more or less proof that Lee Seo-ha was a woman to him.

‘…It still reminds me.’

In addition, when Yoon Si-hoo saw Lee Seo-ha, he was so distracted last week that he had no time to care.
A week ago.
Lee Seo-ha’s naked body, which I unknowingly inspected carefully, overlaps on top of her every time I see her these days.
I don’t know the person himself, but Yoon Shi-hoo has been suffering from unintentional self-mortification all these days at the academy because of Lee Seo-ha’s naked beauty that he saw then.

‘Ha.’

Especially her breasts that are so big that she can’t fit in one hand.
And a pretty-looking faucet that marks the end.
The more I thought of her, the more I couldn’t forget her, and she made me suffer quite a bit.

He is a friend who has been through bad things.
She knows she shouldn’t feel this way.

However, her body kept telling her to touch Lee Seo-ha’s body.
She even now makes time to be alone with her and then she gets close.
In order to bring out and covet her hidden beauty wrapped up in her clothes.
These days, Yoon Shi-hoo was going crazy because of her.

“Seoha.”

A road without a conversation.
He kept having insidious thoughts in his head, and he thought of something that didn’t sound like words, thinking of doing something.
I called her name carefully.

*

“Uh.”
“Let me know in advance so that I can prepare in advance.”

After the inquiry, follow the instructor on the road.
While quietly following him, he heard Yoon Si-hoo’s voice from the side and looked at him with an annoyed expression.

“I did that shit last week, I must have had an accident.”
“That’s right.”
“Can’t you guess what?”
“Uh, me too…”

Yoon Si-hoo looked at me for a while with a really disapproving expression, then looked forward again.
He probably didn’t know about Kim Joo-won’s suicide attempt last night.
There were no eyewitnesses at the time.

‘It’s really scary.’

If he had regressed, what would have happened to me?
If you keep thinking like that and ask, how to bring out memories that you can never recall.
While walking behind the instructor, the thoughts that continued to bite the tail ended at the moment when the guy was about to return to suicide.
He ended up remembering the words he said while he was not in his right mind.

‘Oh, you crazy bastard. Even if I have to say it, it’s a woman and a lover, and if I do that shit, what am I going to do?’

I remembered the words Kim Joo-won said this morning as he touched my breasts.
If you become a man, will you say two words with one mouth?
Those words he said were probably referring to what I said last night to prevent his return.

‘There, what? Won’t you let me go?’

The problem was not only that.
There is obviously a big difference between the nail and the inside.
If nail is the nuance that it can’t be helped, Ahn is the nuance of doing it of one’s own will.

Obviously, at that scene, I said that I couldn’t let Kim Joo-won go, but that I wouldn’t.
He said that he would never let him go.

‘You crazy bitch. I told you that I’ll just turn on the green light from now on, so you can do whatever you want.’

Probably because of what I said last night.
The moment I don’t want to follow my own words, I will bring up memories of being a man.
It wasn’t a ban on entering the men’s academy, which was now obsolete, dressed as a man.
He must have done more, using the fact that I will do whatever he wants as an excuse.

Of course, there is no reason to hide male disguise anymore.
If you really don’t like it, it’s okay if you eat hard and reject it.
At that time, he will threaten me with a card called regression.
Because I told him yesterday that I needed him.

‘Ha.’

No matter how much you choose the lesser evil over the worst.
After all, if this happens, it’s the same as playing the role of a plaything for him.

“Fuck.”

So it was an outburst.
Because the current situation where I rolled in the mud while trying to avoid shit was really like.
Maybe it would have been okay if I had been alone.

“Lee Seo-ha, what did you just say?”

However, the current situation was that he was following him due to the instructor’s call.
The instructor who was going ahead stopped as if he heard that, then slightly looked back and glared at me.
Receiving Yoon Shi-hoo’s gaze as if asking why.

“I-I’m sorry.”
“Watch your mouth.”
“Yes.”

I had to tell the instructor that I was sorry.
Why did the situation become like this when I recalled that memory?

‘Ha.’

I followed the instructor, who started walking again, and quietly sighed inwardly.
Seriously, why did I become so emotional?
Even though I know I shouldn’t be cursing right now, I’m cursing myself…

“Come in.”

However, while thinking about what happened with Kim Joo-won last night, did more time pass than expected?
After being scolded by the instructor, I turned my head to his voice, which stopped shortly after, and a plaque called the counseling room caught my eye.

‘What the hell are you talking about?’

One of the most perfectly kept secrets in the academy, the counseling room.
Instructor came out to this place and Yoon Shi-hoo.
In addition, the question of why I only brought people who knew I was a woman began to grow in my mind.

“Sit down.”

Yoon Si-hoo and I sat down as the instructor ordered, without knowing why, and the door closed.
As if they had prepared in advance.
I started to get a little uneasy about what I was going to say when the instructor came out and arranged the chairs as if I was interviewing Yoon Shi-hoo.

“Lee Seo-ha.”

The instructor’s eyes turned to me.

“Yes.”
“Is there anything difficult these days?”

…Rather than just what happened, did you call me because I was curious about how I was doing after that day?

“Yeah, nothing in particular.”
“During the week Kim Joo-won was down, she went to visit the student in the hospital.”

Right.
It did.
Both of you here, the people who saw me that day sitting there crying as Kim Joo Won was stabbed in her naked body with a knife.
To put this in reverse, those who know what Kim Joo-won did to me.

“Yes.”
“If it’s because he forced you to, you can say it right now.”

Even if Yoon Shi-hoo didn’t know, the instructor would have guessed.
Kim Joo-won knew from the beginning that I was a woman.
And for whatever reason, she’s been hiding it.

“…I didn’t force them to do so, so I didn’t go.”
“Hmm.”
“It’s true. It’s just that, no matter what he did, I’m the one who stabbed him with a knife…”
“You’re saying that he was worried because he was hurt, right now?”
“…Yes.”

Maybe he thought this after hearing that I went to Kim Joo-won’s hospital room for a week.
Even the moment he was stabbed with a knife.
He must have handed me an unspoken threat.
Maybe that’s why you were more worried about me.

“Really.”

Feel the gaze from the side, so let’s slightly turn our gaze.
Yoon Shi-hoo, who had been listening quietly, caught my eye with a surprised expression.
But.
I always leave as soon as the academy ends to wait in his room at 5pm, so I don’t interact with anyone.
I guess I didn’t know the truth.

“You two, what the hell happened?”
“What’s going on?”
“When I thought about it, it was because Seoha’s behavior was a bit strange.”

But it wasn’t the threat he posed to me.
Did the instructor realize something about the fact that I walked directly to his hospital room with my own feet?
A much lower voice than before.
Then, with a much more serious attitude, the instructor raised his head and asked me once more.

“You act like a victim influenced by a criminal.”

With facts I hadn’t even thought of.

“I’m not familiar with it either, so I’m not sure, but they say it’s Stockholm Syndrome.”
“…Yes?”
“The average victim doesn’t even want to make eye contact with the criminal.”

It was quite a shock.
I’ve been wishing he was dead all this time.
You say I feel like I’m influenced by Kim Joo-won right now?

“But you, Seoha, don’t. Even though you hate him in your heart, you act as if you were moved by that student.”

It took an instant for the instructor’s gaze to change from surprise to concern.
It was around the time when I began to wonder what he wanted from me that he came here and invited Yoon Shi-hoo together.
The worried voices of the other instructors, even the baby, resonated quietly in the counseling room.

“By any chance, besides this one, have you had any other incidents with him?”

My heart was pounding.
I’ve only seen snippets of action.
After finding out a lot of facts there, the instructor felt more afraid than anything else at that moment.
If I tell you even a little bit of the truth here, I’m afraid that even the hidden parts of me will be revealed without my knowledge.

“Uh, that…”

I didn’t know it myself, but I was hesitating for an answer.
Maybe it’s a good opportunity to talk about the bullshit I’ve been subjected to by Kim Joo-won.
As it is the most completely confidential place in the academy.
Even if I tell them what they’ve been through, they’ll be able to hide it for me until the time comes when they can reveal it later.

“Sorry.”

But I don’t know why.
I couldn’t get the things I’d been through out of my mouth.
As if something is stuck in your throat.

The air was heavy.