Chapter 90 – You Decide

I had to hold him in his arms for quite a long time.
Because his two hands that embraced me looked so precarious.
I really felt like I was about to collapse, so I couldn’t push him out.

“Are you better now?”

I could feel Kim Joo-won’s body slowly falling.
When I raised my gaze, which had been slightly lowered while he was being held, only then did I see an unknown relief mixed into his face.

“Huh.”
“What happened?”
“No.”
“Then why did you do that?”

The pregnancy test hidden behind his body was felt in his hand.
…You’ve probably seen it.
But even so, I don’t want to bring it to the fore.

“No, that’s it.”

I opened my mouth to lead a conversation to divert my gaze.
Then he slowly got up.
Make sure the tester doesn’t get into his line of sight.
Carefully hiding behind his body, he tried to move slowly.

“I won’t tell you this time either.”
“Seoha.”

However, Kim Joo-won cut me off and grabbed the arm holding the tester and made me drop it from his hand.
Saw it too
I didn’t want to tell you too much.

“This.”

The guy’s eyes met.
I felt as if I had discovered a part of me that I wanted to hide.
For a woman exposed in front of the man who impregnated her, that she could not escape his shadow for a long time.

“Did you do this this morning?”.
“…Uh.”

How will the guy react?
Fear began to overwhelm him as he did not know his intentions whether to hide the child or follow the rules.

This world is such a world that even a single Guardian cannot be neglected.
Even though it’s a fucking world where you only do shit to yourself.
At least he was a guy who moved with the premise of saving the world first in order to take revenge on it.

“Can I touch your belly?”

Kim Joo-won grabbed his wrist and asked me cautiously while sitting next to him.
Instead of answering with a nod of his head, Kim Joo-won carefully laid me down on the bed, lifted his T-shirt and placed his hand on his lower stomach.

“Yes…”

Then, the sensation of giving away a part more precious than the genitals made my whole body tremble.
Maybe it’s really a weakness.
There is a nursery with a small life there.

“Seoha.”

At Kim Joo-won’s words, I turned my head, which I had been turning in embarrassment, to him.
The face of a man with a sad expression.

“Sorry.”

The voice of the guy handing me an apology made my heart flutter.
The guy knows that too.
Maybe the world will force this child to give up.

“It’s because of me…”

And the wounds that will result from that mean that I have to deal with it alone.

“Why did you do that?”

However, contrary to my heartache, the voice that came out of my mouth was quite calm.
Did I already become a bitch because of him?
It’s normal to get goosebumps just thinking about it, and hate even talking about it.
How come you can say it like this without any hesitation?

“If you thought you would regret it, you shouldn’t have done it.”
“…Sorry.”

He let out a small sigh.
The moment I tried to slap his hand away from the ship, telling me to stop touching it.
Kim Joo-won lay down next to me and started staring at me.

“I must have been crazy.”

Even if you say so now, what will you do?
It’s already happened, and I have a child of my own inside.

“Can you skip the academy today?”
“Uh.”
“Still, you’d better leave early. Did you know you’re already a month behind?”
“Are you okay.”

Kim Joo-won touched my hair and smiled at her.
Is it funny that I worry about such things?
That’s what I do when I know who I came here dressed as a man in the first place.

“But hey, what are you going to do with him?”
“He?”
“In your stomach, uh…”

The boy hesitated for a moment.
It was definitely a word to say.
If this guy and I were in love and had an accident, it would have been nothing to say.
Because this little life in my belly right now was created without love, only out of his vengeance.

“Don’t tell me baby.”

She recalled the words she had spoken earlier in her hospital room, stabbing at Kim Joo-won’s chest.
Those words that I said I would go and erase right away when I had a child.
Are you really afraid that I will erase you?
Even though the cause was said to be quite bad, it is an existence that inherited my blood anyway.

“I don’t know.”

Although his writer didn’t want him to suffer.
To be honest, I wanted to say one more word that I would just erase it from here.
Although, the shock of the fact that I stabbed him outweighed the shock of the rape.
Anyway, this guy in front of me is Seoha Lee, no, because he trampled on a person called me.

“Honestly, I don’t like it…”

Swallowed back
Even if it’s just a small cell mass without a self yet, do you think you’re listening…
I couldn’t get it out of my mouth.

“But he only has a mother and you as a father.”

Kim Joo-won’s arm slipped under my head.
Even if we were a little apart, the distance between them narrowed in an instant.
My body is dragged into his arms again.

“That’s not why this kid should die without seeing the light of day.”

I felt his hand on the back of my head and his arm on my back.
I kept my mouth shut as if I had become my real woman now.
…I just realized that resistance is useless now, so I just stay still.
Does the guy know this?

“So I don’t know.”

Kim Joo-won seems to have a lot of thoughts about my words, just quietly.
She held me in her arms and quietly stood by my side.

“When I think of your relationship with me, you’re a child that shouldn’t have been born.”

Then I flinched, did my words pierce my heart?
When he mentioned the current relationship he gained by destroying me one-sidedly, his hand, which had been quietly brushing the back of my head, suddenly stopped.

“You know what? I also took medicine. I don’t want to make a baby.”
“…”
“But this guy says that I’m his mother, and he’s holding on tight to me.”

Lifted her head
Kim Joo-won’s sad eyes were looking at me.
If you’re going to regret it like this, you shouldn’t have done that in the first place.

“I couldn’t do it because it felt like that. It felt like I was holding my finger tight with my little baby’s hand.”
“…That.”
“I’m a fucking bad bitch who thinks she’ll kill herself before she’s even born, huh?”

Laughed bitterly
If I had a good relationship with him, not as distorted as I am now.
What kind of expression was I making here?

“Joo Won.”

I got out of his arms and sat down against the wall.
I thought maybe this might be my last chance.
Putting my distorted relationship with him to the worst, my state of being dependent on him now.
That he could use his guilt to return the same to him.

“So you think I can’t do it?”

Again my mind was slowly breaking down.
Unusual situations are slowly eating away at my mental strength.
I was gradually making it reveal my bottom.

“I want to give birth, but the world will force me to have this child, and if I don’t listen, they’ll kidnap me and somehow scrape the child out of here.”
“What can’t-.”
“You mean erasing the baby.”

Pop.
Time in the room seemed to have stopped.

“Honestly, you know that’s ridiculous.”

But I don’t care, I recite the cold reality and let him know.

“It doesn’t matter if the child dies anyway, so it’s a world where they forcefully put them to sleep and even do ultrasound scans so they can’t have a baby.”

I pull up my t-shirt with my pants slightly down.
The part of the nursery where the child will be is revealed in front of the guy’s eyes.

“But how can you give birth in a situation like this? It’s not just going to the academy, but going around hiding that you’re a woman at a male academy.”

Laughed bitterly
It was supposed to be like this in the first place.
It’s like he treated me just the way he wanted to, anyway.
Again, all you have to do is put a knife in his hand so he can do whatever he wants.

“So, I’ll give you a chance to take responsibility.”

As I said that, I remembered the time when I was kicked out of my room naked for not bringing my name tag.
Maybe, the event that my life could end as it is.

“You decide.”
“…What?”
“Am I that kind of person anyway? A toy bitch that you deal with as you please.”

Joo Won, we always did.
I have no right to decide, if you want to touch it, touch it.
Suck if you want to suck, fuck if you want to fuck.
I was like your living doll.

“Oh right. I said that too. I’ll do whatever you want, so please don’t die.”

The guy didn’t know
He said that everything he did would come back to him like this.

“Joo Won, so why did you do that?”

Kim Joo-won’s eyes trembled at the words she said while revealing the precious part of her holding a child.
But he probably won’t.
Because, to a guy who has no family, this baby in my belly.

“You shouldn’t have acted your own way and made something that won’t even celebrate the birth of someone dear to you.”

It must be a family without a second for him.

“Are you sick?”

I did more
I stretched out my arms and pulled him into my arms.
I actually knew.
Say you’ll never lay your hands on your child.

“Joo Won.”
“…Huh.”

And me too…
I am not a child born of love.
Even so, I will not give up on this child who held onto me as a mother.
However, the world will force me to erase it.

“Shall we just run away?”

If so, maybe this is all there is to it.

“Not Lee Seo-ha and Kim Joo-won, but someone else.”