Chapter 1 – Sister Living Alone (1)

As a child, I didn’t quite understand what was going on.
As I was separated from my younger brother, who has a 4-year age difference, I, who hadn’t even gone to elementary school yet, couldn’t meet my younger brother without knowing why.
I was told to take good care of her because she was my older sister, so my younger sister, who took care of me until she was 3 years old, didn’t listen to me, but she started talking about her before mom or dad, and I was very upset because I was pretty cute too.

When the first day or two passed, she asked when her sister would be coming, but her mother just said that it was nothing, that her brother would live with dad from now on, and let’s live well together with mom from now on.
As it was, I followed her mother to China to study, and I did not return to Korea until I became an adult.

It wasn’t until middle school, when her mom’s new boyfriends came to her house to say hello to me, that I heard her mom explain why they divorced.
Her mother is born with her youthful appearance to the point that many people mistake her for an early 30’s even if they go together now. When she was young, when she went to the pool together, her mother wore a bikini and her older brothers approached one by one. I did it.
She had no idea what it was, but as she entered middle school, as much as her mother neglected her housework, she cooked and cleaned by herself, she really started to live on her own, so she started to fully enjoy her life. Mom’s new boyfriend… Since black people came, there were more days when they were drunk at home, and one day he ended up completely drunk and told me.

The cause of her divorce was her mother’s infidelity.
To be more precise… Her mother was very sexually open, and her mother’s friend was jealous of it.
I didn’t mean to break up from the beginning, and her dad forgives me, and we talked to each other, but…
In the end, it was said that they broke up because of each other’s problems.

“Why are you talking now? In my mother’s house, all the women are very demanding. Mothers are particularly harsh~ You are probably similar because you are her daughter, and since you are a middle school student, you will soon understand these things~ and she tells you to be careful. Please be careful~”

As I listened to the completely drunk mother’s excuses, I came to understand that oh, so her parents aren’t living together again, but at the same time, I felt a bit sexually repulsive.
Because of my mother’s education, which is not my mother’s education that continues every time I get drunk, I think openly, but the reluctance only builds up.
It was when I was in high school that I first opened my eyes to sex.

“Oh, sorry.”
“Ah, ah…”

I was disturbed from sleeping by the beastly noises that had been coming from her mother’s room all night, so on my way to the bathroom, I bumped into my mother’s black boyfriend in the shower, and his big… Seeing the penis I’ve never seen before, I thought of something I shouldn’t do again and again.
From then on, I started looking into sexual media a lot, but I didn’t put it into practice.
I thought it was just curiosity, so I looked up a lot while throbbing and trembling, and even though my face was blushing, I thought it was like that and accumulated knowledge.
He later smiled and showed me what I was excited about, whether my actions were cute.

Unfortunately, that size has become my standard.
All the things I saw were his, and the things I could access through the media were just as big, so I thought that was normal.
The depiction of being sick at first in romance comics also made me think that it would of course hurt when it grew up like that.
And out of curiosity, I ended up dating… As I only imitated love, I realized something strange.

Should I say that I don’t particularly like men? He didn’t believe in the man who said he loved him carelessly, and when he said he wanted to stay with him, it sounded like a lie.
When I saw the divorce, I thought it was because I didn’t take care of it properly, and I calmly thought about it, but I couldn’t fix my lack of interest in dating.
I had a sexual interest, so I asked the person I was dating to show it to me, but I just thought it was because it was smaller than I thought and not an adult like him.
So, when I was young, I only thought of working hard to get rid of it even if I felt the need, and when I became an adult, I thought I would like to try it, but I felt that dating someone was farther and farther away.

I always felt a sense of distance not only in dating but also in dating people.
Even if you become close, you can break up someday, and Korean kids had a little more sense of belonging, but the word “Stop loss” That circulated among them made me feel that even friendships are not forever, and that they cut them off according to their own interests.

“The women in my house~ There’s something bad about them~ They’re good too, right? Are you pretty? My sister… What are you? My sister also models… If a black model flirts with you, move on! If a handsome kid flirts with you, cheat! Didn’t your younger brother also learn~ really~? When I was younger, that’s why you followed me very well~ You said that I would also become an actress~ Ahahaha, by the way, aren’t you married? If you get married, you can’t do it because you know you’re cheating on you~ You’re pretty, but the fact that men rush at you like crazy and reveal it so much that you can’t refuse it, is it because you got a lot of arrows~?”

Just like her mother’s drunkenness, which she talked about drunk again one day, I certainly had something.
There were times when I felt a lot of need, and at times it was really hard to bear.
The urge I had endured while studying during my student days became unbearable from the moment I got accepted into college.

In the end, the moment I got accepted into college after seeing a male genital model I happened to see while shopping on the internet one day… I made up my mind to buy just one.
I bought it on a shopping site called Taobao.
Originally, it was easy to buy these things in China because they didn’t do adult authentication like Korea, but deciding not to buy even an adult was like a bit of rebellion.

As if crazy about sex, her mother who always howls like an animal with her young daughter in the next room, and Westerners who keep flirting with such a mother.
She wondered if her mother cared about her when she got a tutor from time to time, but after she found out that she was a tutor and sex partner, she just gave up.
However, even though I hated going crazy because of the pleasure, I just kept building up my curiosity.

My mother was a person with great abilities that I did not understand, she spoke seven languages ​​at will.
If you think about it calmly, excluding all the emotions she has, you can see that she is quite an elite.
But seeing her ruined like that and not being able to stop enjoying her pleasure since her childhood, her resentment was full, but her curiosity also grew.

In the end, the genital model that arrived was black, and in my memory, it was the closest thing to what became the standard for men.
And the moment I got accepted into college, I put it in for the first time, thinking that I should know this because I’m an adult now.
Of course, my first masturbation was when I screamed in pain and almost forcibly shoved a 7-inch piece of gel that came with it into my stupid, inexperienced me.

I pulled it out in tears of pain and exhaled, wondering why the hell I like this stuff, and treating other people who like sex even more like lunatics.
But strangely, the more I kept looking at it and touching it, the weirder I felt, and it reminded me of what her mom’s boyfriend used to show me with a grin.
So I keep taking it out, and I keep touching it… It must have been painful because it was the first time, and I put it in again, and I regret it…

At that time, she talked about masturbation for the first time with girls her age.
Everyone was very embarrassed at first when I said that, but when I told them that I had no experience with that kind of thing, they said, “Does it make sense?”
Resembling my mother’s appearance, I had a mysterious appearance that charmed men, and when my desires piled up or my mother brought her boyfriend home, I wanted to hear it a little less, so I ran outside or came in after exercising, trying to become that way. It wasn’t what I was aiming for, but I had a look that would attract men very much.

It’s okay to say it yourself, but I’ve received quite a few confessions.
After experiencing a relationship once, I didn’t like it when he approached me while lying with my temporary feelings, so I dumped everything.
Maybe that’s why I was very surprised. The girl who seemed so popular with men, the girl who always arrogantly kept her distance as if she were a queen, was actually a girl who had never even masturbated properly.
Kids with a strange sense of superiority explained masturbation to me in detail, and then I realized that masturbation isn’t just about putting it in for the first time, and you can feel it even if you don’t have to put it in.

And I was very shocked by what everyone said in common.
Not a single person said that masturbation was difficult, painful or unpleasant, and not a single one said that he hated sex.
I hate relationship problems and troubles that happen after sex, but I like sex itself and everyone masturbates much more than I thought.

I thought I was wrong, so I tried masturbating again a few times.
After all, from which day…
Very, very confused about what this is.
I started to feel the pleasure.