Chapter 10 – Masturbation (5) [2nd Revision]

I don’t know if I’m wrong, but maybe it’s because I’ve been exposed to a lot of sexual things through the media… It was a direct feeling of a man, I thought I knew the thoughts well.
I knew that men’s desires piled up every day, especially from middle school and high school to college graduation.

I do it every day, sometimes 5 times a day, and I love cats, so I know that cats get stressed during heat, so I thought that men would be stressed out if they couldn’t solve the piled up.
So masturbating is natural, and I was sorry that I didn’t pay attention to it, but my younger sister didn’t seem to be ashamed of being caught masturbating.

“No, that… That, I didn’t mean to do it, but I’m going to wash it… I want…”
“Huh? Ah, ah… That…”

Only then did I realize that my brother was sorry for wearing my clothes.
But I didn’t think that was too much of a problem. Maybe it’s because I think it’s natural as a man… It was a bit embarrassing to do that with my clothes, but… There are a few things I agree with… Actually, I… It was big that I masturbated while smelling my brother’s semen.

“That… It’s okay, because for men, the visual is especially important… That’s how you get more excited, feel more, feel more refreshed, and… ? Stress will be relieved.”
“Uh? Uh?”
“It’s embarrassing… In fact, I, the instrument… I wanted to make it look like it came out of the zipper of my pants, so I did that to my pants… There was a time when I was scratched by a zipper and the scar was so bad that I took it with me and threw it away.”
“Yes?! Yes?!”

I brought up my story to comfort him, thinking that he might be just as ashamed as I was the day before, maybe even more embarrassed than I was.
However, rather than being comforted by my story and getting better, my younger brother blushed and mumbled, probably because he was more embarrassed.

“Oh, no… That is.”
“It’s really okay, it’s a boy. Rather healthy…”
“Uh? No, uh… ?”
“On the contrary, I’m sorry that I suddenly came in carelessly. These days, I keep making mistakes…”
“Uh… ?”

I said it because I thought I was sorry, but my brother didn’t say anything, maybe it was something strange.
How is it? Uh? I want you to keep saying that you don’t know something while doing it… Thinking that maybe I wasn’t good at talking, I went to my brother and looked up and asked him.

“Hey, it’s okay… ? I am very ashamed of myself. Sorry.”
“Yes?”
“It’s a time when it’s piled up and difficult. I have a lot of interest in women.”
“Oh, no… Really, are you okay? Sister, sister’s clothes… ?”

I had a hard time understanding my brother’s words.
Should I say it’s right? So it’s okay, but why are you asking if it’s okay? Doing… I wondered if I couldn’t speak well either.

“Yes, these are my clothes… ?”
“… Yes?”
“It’s clothes… ? It’s when I’m really interested in girls, and girls’ clothes… Visually? Wearing it a little will be more stimulating… Oh, the pizza is done.”

Around that time, there was a ding sound, so I took out the heated pizza from the stove, and after working out, I called my younger brother to the table thinking that he would be as hungry as I was.

“Hmm… Let’s eat and talk… ? I’m hungry… ? Because I can’t eat properly in the morning…”
“Oh, no. I ate rice balls deliciously… No, uh… That is… Uh?”
“Sorry, I’m so hungry, I’ll have some pizza first… ?”

Watching me eat the pizza, my younger brother was confused and eventually came to the table and ate the pizza together.
And after I finished eating, while I was eating the pizza, I poured a cola from the refrigerator, and I drank it all the time, closed my mouth, and exhaled a long breath.
As it was, the younger brother closed his eyes tightly and said.

“Hey, sister, can I ask you something… ?”
“Huh? Yes… What is it?”
“Originally, to that man… Like this, just accept this and that?”
“Huh? What?”

I didn’t quite understand what you meant.

“No, not that… That that… Can I ask you about love?”
“Uh? Suddenly… ? Oh no. Huh. You may ask… ?”

It was abrupt, but I listened to the question about dating and that I was at an age where I was interested in dating, wondering if my younger brother was confessed to by a girl.
Like a person with a very big heart, my younger brother asked me a little strange things.

“Chuck, when did you get your first boyfriend?”
“When I was in high school.”
“Uh… ? When is high school?”
“Hmm… In the 2nd grade? We dated for about a month and broke up.”

I didn’t know why he suddenly asked me this, but I answered everything I asked.
Then, every time my younger brother listens to me, what is it? She’s been the face to be.

“How many people have you dated so far?”
“All three of them I mentioned before.”
“Really?! Uh?! Why? Why?”
“… Why?”
“No, don’t you confess? Aren’t you going to date me? Why… ?”

It was a strange feeling because I felt like I heard a very familiar word for some reason.
After thinking about it for a while, I told my younger brother something serious.

“Actually, to be honest, I don’t have much interest in dating, and I don’t like men very much.”
“Uh?”
“Hmm… I don’t know if it’s okay to talk about this, but our parents are divorced… ? Maybe that’s why I didn’t think about romantic relationships like other people.
Even if I confess, I don’t like it very much, ah. I told you earlier, but you said that Koreans stand out for their looks… ? My mother and I lived in China, and when we were young, there were a few cases where a strange man came to our house.
The person who signed the contract for the apartment keeps coming to my house saying he has a lot of money… The son of that family keeps asking me to date, and not all Chinese are bad, but there are a lot of strange people. I have to say that the culture is different.”
“Huh… ? Yes…”

It was a little sudden, but I thought I should start talking about dating, so I talked about it slowly.

“You may not feel it much after coming to Beijing, but Chinese people definitely wash a little less than Koreans. Can’t you tell the Chinese about this? Ah, Beijing is still rather clean… Maybe that’s why when I was in school, I’m Korean, and I think I was very interested in the clean me. Confession has become fashionable, and it is treated as a bit of a game… Are you trying to play dirty pranks and call it childish? When I was younger, I was not interested in dating because I had those same reasons, but it was similar when I was in high school.”
“Slangy… Are you kidding?”
“Oh, blow up a balloon with a condom and hit me or something.”
“Yes?”

My younger brother suddenly made a very unpleasant face.
It was a story that deserved it. Since I was young, I was treated like a spectacle, and I stopped seeing Chinese people as dating partners at all, and even now I draw a certain line when I meet them.

“One thing that has changed since high school is that I moved to Beijing… There are a lot of Korean kids, and ah, I also went to study abroad academy. So I met a lot of Korean kids… When I was in the academy, the academy secretly formed a partnership with the school, so when I went to the academy after only taking morning classes, the school made it as if I had taken the class on its own. It’s a bit illegal, though. That’s why I spend a lot of time with Korean kids… Watching the kids talking about dating, dating, and being interested in each other? I was a bit interested, so I briefly dated a Korean girl who confessed to me.”
“Uh? That’s it, a month… ?”
“Yeah, but I think differently… Ah, later dating was also similar… His older brother, whom I met at church, confessed to him 8 times, so we just dated for a while. Because she was Japanese, she said she wanted to return home.”
“Uh? Wait a minute, huh?”
“Three months in all? About four months? I’m a little embarrassed… I don’t have much dating experience with her. Ah… When I was in college, the reason I stopped dating her was because my college seniors kept calling me to drinking parties and asking several people to set the mood, so I kept spreading rumors like I was forced to date her. Thanks to her, it seemed like she had a partner, so it was less likely to be confessed to for a while, but the more she dated, the less interested she was in her relationship. She didn’t like it too much, and in the end, everyone wants to be together forever, even if they like it, that, because they want to be in a relationship… ? When… Little by little, she used to get disappointed.”
“Are you disappointed?”
“No matter how pleasant it may be, even if it is instinctive, you really can’t control yourself at all… No, not even thinking about restraining myself, but rather trying to cheat… A little bit, yes. Oh, as a man, that’s not wrong. Of course he wants to, but…”
“… What happened?”
“… Little?”

I put my thumb and forefinger together while doing a little bit, then opened them slightly, and my younger brother’s expression got really bad.
Should I say something scary? It seemed that the impression that he looked a bit sharp and ferocious when we first met came to mind.
It was completely different from the expression that gradually changed and relaxed like a mild puppy as time went by, and it was a face that looked so angry that you shrank in surprise.

“Bird… It’s not as great as you think, it’s just… When you drink too much and get drunk? Little… Strangely, I was also drunk that day, so I made a mistake…”
“What happened?”

“Hmm… I’m a bit ashamed and embarrassed to talk about this… He is the college senior I mentioned earlier… While I was drunk, I lied to the kids saying that the two of us actually decided to date… It piled up without my knowledge, and the kid who mistook me for a relationship with a senior called me to take me away, thinking that the two were dating… But, is it all over? Rather, I gathered all the testimonies and reported them to the university, got them expelled, and returned to Korea.”
“Is that all?!”

My younger brother seemed really upset.
I finally felt that I had said something I didn’t have to say, so I smiled while shaking her hand and comforting her to calm down.

“No, but it’s really okay. It’s over… ? All you did was take me to a motel?”
“How is that okay… !”
“Nothing happened! Just… While touching my butt, I woke up because I felt something strange… ? He tried to force himself to do something, but instead kicked and hurt me…”
“No no… ! That is…”
“Nothing really happened… Just, a little molested in a motel room, and I knocked it over…”
“It’s not like nothing happened…”
“Unfortunate… It’s a problem, but… That’s right, nothing happened…”

My younger brother didn’t say anything and just stared at me, upset.
I thought I made a mistake and said something I shouldn’t have said, so I grabbed her sister’s hand, who was clenched in a fist on her table, and gently stroked it as if to say, “I’m sorry for hurting you and making you angry.”

“But fortunately, I woke up before anything really weird happened… Getting your butt touched is something that sometimes happens even when there are a lot of people on the subway.”
“That and this are different, this is forced…”

“Right, it’s different… So, that’s what I didn’t like. At that moment, he didn’t even say that he was lying, he took me away to satisfy his desire… That’s what I was trying to do.”
“Ha…”

“Later, when I was drunk, he asked me to touch him, wouldn’t he… He said that I was drunk and seduced him, and that he actually had feelings for him. Little… Do you do things like this because you want to date me? I think I wanted to. Later on, the problem will grow, so ask me to take a look at it, and he said that’s right.”

After I finished the bad talk, I looked down with my mouth shut, then got up and went to the sink to start washing the dishes from which I had eaten the pizza.

“Hmm… Anyway, what I wanted to say… It’s just that I’m not very interested in Chinese kids, and Korean kids do that too… ? It means that you have lost interest in dating.”
“… I think that’s enough to hate men.”
“It’s not that I hate men, men are… Can it be? So, it’s natural to have a sexual desire… I understand, but I can’t control myself… I mean, he was the man they hated… It’s not that I don’t like men, ah… I must say that lying about wanting to have sex bothered me a little… ? It doesn’t matter if we break up, so I’ll do it once… So, that’s… It’s not that I hate my younger brother.”
“Yes?”

“I rather like it! That, so! That’s because I had a younger brother, so… He, in fact, is delighted.”

I kept rinsing the dishes I finished washing with water and continued talking.”

“Cool, handsome… I keep making mistakes because I want to do well. A brother is a brother no matter what. I know that I have to masturbate a lot because I am a man, but on the contrary… Very manly… I think it’s cool… Do… That too, very… It’s big, it’s pretty, I can’t take my eyes off it… Because I like that…”
“Uh? Uh… ?”
Well, I only masturbated a lot, because I don’t know men well, so I keep making mistakes, and when I see something so great, I can’t help but be embarrassed? I’m sorry. Today… Besides, oh…”

Embarrassingly, I imagined my sister’s things and talked without thinking, and eventually, I even said the embarrassing thing I kept in my heart.
After belatedly realizing what I was saying, I shut my mouth as I felt my face suddenly heat up.

“No… That’s not…”

After I finished washing the dishes, I put them on the dish drying rack, grabbed the sink, and dropped my head.
What did you say?
Embarrassed by my mistake, I closed my eyes tightly, wanting to go right in if there was a place to hide.

“… Are you pretty?”
“Uh, huh?”

However, my younger brother listened to me and sat still, as if something kept bothering him… Suddenly, he came up to me while I was washing the dishes and looked down at me with a red face and said.

“My sister… I like this… Do?”

I saw my younger sister who came closer and looked up at her, but a little later I understood what her younger sister was saying and slightly looked down… For some reason, unable to lie, she answered, averting her gaze.

“Yes… Yes…”

For some reason, when I said that, my heart was pounding so hard… Seriously, my chest was shaking and my heart was pounding so hard that I wondered if it was trying to obstruct my lungs, so I was choking.
For some reason, I felt very ashamed to have my younger brother near me.
Averting her gaze, she glanced up at her little brother’s face, her little brother still looking down at me with her eyes wide open, breathing slowly.

“… Why?”
“Big, big… That, long, thick… Head, part… Big, well laid out…”

I don’t know why, but my heart was pounding so hard that we were still looking into each other’s eyes.
Then I remembered to turn off the faucet at the constant sound of running water, so I looked away and turned off the tap without a word.
My younger brother was a little away from me, and we both felt a strange atmosphere, so we couldn’t meet each other’s eyes… I spoke first.

“That… Shall we decide our masturbation time… ?”