Chapter 8 – Masturbation (3)

Koreans who came to China to study had a tendency to stick together, so it was a bit difficult, but there were times when I was bullied within the group.

“Uh? No. I’m doing great. I’m worried that I’m getting along so well that I’ll rather forget the Chinese I studied…”
“It’s fortunate… But for those studying abroad, playing with people from the same country is a great comfort. I like to study hard and have fun when I rest. If you don’t know something, I can teach you. Oh, do you have a girlfriend… ?”
“Yes? Girl friend… ? Why?”
“Uh? Not yet… ? Anyone having a fling? Are there any girls you seem to like?”

Was it because we talked often? A little bit of conversation started, and the conversation continued as if I had forgotten what happened at lunch.
When I was asking about friends, I had a sudden thought and asked if she had a girlfriend, and I was very surprised to see her younger brother’s reaction and feel that she didn’t have one.

I have to say that my sister seemed very uncomfortable with my question, but she had a look on her face as if she was thinking about what she meant.
Are you not dating because you study hard? It’s nice to have to go to college, but… I didn’t quite understand that there weren’t any flirtatious girls.

“Uh? Weird… ?”
“What?”
“No, why don’t the kids confess?”
“I think the girls will confess… ? Why?”
“Uh? You look good. He’s tall…Why not… ? Not going out… Even if the other person likes it, if you don’t like it, you’re not going out, so even if you understand. There’s no way I won’t confess…”

It was really strange.
She’s tall, her shoulders are broad, and she’s handsome… I’m sure her younger brother looks different from other kids his age.
It had already been several months since her sister came, so I thought it was enough for the girls who were preparing for the entrance exam together to fall in love.

Especially at this time, Chinese people’s interest in appearance and awareness of personal cleanliness are not so good… If you walk down the street, you can see a difference enough to tell whether you are Korean or Chinese just by looking at the clothes you wear, your hairstyle, and your appearance. It was time.

When I went jogging with my younger brother, I could feel the people around me staring at me and my younger brother, and from the point of view of the students at the Korean study abroad school where my younger brother attends… When I see a man on the street, he looks very noticeable to anyone in the academy. Even if you compare it to Korean kids, it must be at a level worthy of attention unconditionally…

“…Who do you think will confess to me?”
“I really hope no one did… ? Why?”

Hearing those words, my younger brother didn’t know what he was thinking, but she rather asked me what I was thinking.
And on that day, for some reason, the love story suddenly started.

“Well, you don’t seem to like it very much.”
“I can’t do that… He’s so handsome. They must have strange eyes.”
“You are handsome? Where?”
“Huh? He’s tall, his shoulders are wide, his chest is like that, he’s got a great body… He’s masculine… Big.”
“Are you big? It’s the first time I’ve heard that I’m tall.”
“Uh? Oh yes It’s big. Is it because I’m small… ?”

I made a slight mistake.

“Do you think girls will confess?”
“Huh. Especially when you’re in China, there’s a tendency for Korean kids to stick together and only date Koreans. Actually, this is a bad word… But the area around the apartment where we live is still clean with Chinese people, right? It’s because it’s an expensive apartment, but most Chinese people don’t care about cleanliness that much.”
“Uh…Why is that all of a sudden?”
“As much as that, originally, Korean kids compare themselves with the people around them and their Korean friends… In China, there are things that look better when looking at Koreans. First of all, when I was in school, I got a lot of confessions from Chinese kids, but I never dated… So now I go to a Korean study abroad institute, so even if it’s only Korean kids, there will be some that look better than the people I always see on the street. Even if you don’t have it, it’s good among Korean kids…”
“Wait, wait. I got a confession… ?”
“Huh? Yes. A lot. I don’t think I’m very pretty, but maybe it’s because I keep exercising… ? There were kids who confessed that they liked being active, and kids in China just said they were so pretty. At last,”
“Hey, did you accept my confession? Did you have a boyfriend?”
“Uh? Uh? No, I’m not really interested in dating… Oh, I accepted it about three times. One is a Korean girl who was just a friend, and the other is an older brother I met at a Korean church. One was a Japanese I met at university…”
“Now, wait a minute…”
“Uh… ?”

My younger brother stopped her talking as if she was suddenly shocked by something, then looked at me and opened her mouth.
I wondered if I had made a mistake, but he didn’t say anything… I thought about it and asked him.

“Uh… I might have made a mistake… ?”
“No, that’s not it… It’s not…It’s just…”

I noticed from her brother’s reaction that something else was wrong with me.
I don’t know what mistake I made… My younger brother seemed frustrated, as if he had a lot of thoughts.
I thought I made a mistake again… I felt so sorry and lost my confidence, so I grabbed a cup of water and wiggled my fingers… And said in a small voice, crying a little.

“Mi, I’m sorry…I made a lot of mistakes today… ?”
“Uh… ? Yes?”
“I think I made a mistake, but I’m sorry I hurt your feelings… And at lunchtime, you show that, such a vulgar side…”
“Yes?! Uh? No, over there…”

My younger brother was taken aback, as if he had suddenly remembered something he had forgotten, and I felt ashamed and embarrassed, but I felt more sorry than that.
Something my younger brother’s friend said suddenly popped into my head, and it got worse.

“Yeah…But I’m not as innocent as people usually think… Hey, I also watch porn…And masturbate a lot…You said before that you understand masturbating, right? I, too, have that, a desire, and men even say that such a desire is much stronger than women’s… That’s why I understood, but I, too… I’m sorry for showing you that.”
“Uh? Uh?”
“Chuck, I’m sorry for showing you a vulgar side. I’ll be careful in the future…”

As it was, my younger brother did not say anything after hearing my apology.
In the living room, I could only hear the ticking of the clock ticking on the wall, and I felt like tears coming out of my eyes as I sat still.

It should be said that I let you down, but there was something embarrassing about it, but I had a strong feeling that I had ceased to be the ideal older sister that my younger brother wanted.
I want to know what to do if I hate it like this, and suddenly being away from my family came to mind like a trauma.
In an instant, I felt depressed, on the verge of becoming self-absorbed.

“Chuck, I’m not vulgar… No, I wasn’t vulgar…”
“Oh, no. It’s shallow. Losing reason like that, like a pervert…”
“No, that, yes, pretty… But really, ears, cute… Erotic.”
“Uh?”

But after that, the words of my younger brother suddenly blew away all the thoughts in my head.
Surprised, she lifted her head and looked at her younger brother. The younger brother was staring at the empty pot without looking at me with her face very red.

“Gee, really… That, butt, pretty… Thin waist… Her legs are stretched out, her voice is pretty…”
“Oh, no, there, no…”
“Yeah, it’s very erotic and pretty there too.”
“Excuse me?! Wait, eh?!”

My head, which had been soaked with self-confidence and shame, was covered with shame in an instant.
My younger brother didn’t understand that my reaction was embarrassing and meant to stop.

“Huh, shaking my waist a lot was honest and cute, and that went all the way in, and it was my fault that I couldn’t take my eyes off of it because it was erotic.”
“Now, wait a minute?! Stop, really, stop talking please, uhhhhh…”
“Uh, huh?”
“Ahhhhh, what did you see from? .”

My younger brother didn’t respond to my words, and I really didn’t come after I left, and I couldn’t feel anything other than a reaction that he had been watching since he was masturbating, so my head exploded.
I kept my head down as I scraped my fingers across the glass table, then I looked up and looked at my brother’s face, but her face became so hot that I covered her face again.

“Chi, clean, I’ll clean…”

And just like that, I started clearing out the ramen bowls.
My younger brother sat there without saying a word, and unlike usual, I put the dishes away without even washing the dishes, and greeted him with the hot chocolate I always made before going to bed.

“Hey, hey…Today was a really, uh, mistake…I’m sorry, that’s, this, drink…This, please forget it.”

Seeing me like that, my younger brother nodded her head, took the hot chocolate… And suddenly asked if he had any questions.

“But… Why in my room…”
“Uh? Uh?”
“Uh? Come to think of it, why, toilet paper…”
“Ahhh!! Forget that! Quick, drink! You drink and forget!”

I tried to force her to drink the hot chocolate she was holding in her hand with a look of begging, and I grabbed it with both hands and lifted it up.

“No, oh, I will drink! I’ll forget! It’s hot right now! I will drink slowly!”

And after confirming that my brother had finished drinking the hot chocolate, I gave one more warning and went into my room.

“I forgot! You didn’t see anything!”

And I was lying on my bed and trying to fall asleep quickly… Every time I tried to fall asleep, I remembered my younger brother standing behind me masturbating and watching, so I couldn’t fall asleep and tossed and turned.

I buried my pillow in my blanket, ahhhhhis and resentment, but I didn’t sleep well.
In the end, I fell asleep when the bathroom door opened outside the room again and the sound of water continued.

…But the problem wasn’t over the next day either.