379 – Afterword: The Reverse Culture Shock Curse

Having completed their journey and returned, the Little Pope and the Hero had gained much.

A new method of utilizing the Goddess’s power, prophecies concerning societal problems and shifts in morality gleaned from the future city, a new era’s culture, and…

“Finn, could you bring me that shampoo… Ah, right, we don’t have any.”

It was the ultimate reverse culture shock.

Young Lady Beccio, barely a thing of a girl, was engulfed in ladylike despair within the luxurious grand bath. The position of Pope was impossibly lofty, so the bathing facilities she now enjoyed were undoubtedly among the most extravagant in the world.

Especially since the old cardinals had poured immense sums into leisure-related enterprises for their own pleasure, the grand bath lacked for nothing.

Behold. Hot water flowing from lion head sculptures, fragrant scented oils, floating flower petals, even a floating tray designed to allow one to dine while bathing. If a paradise existed on Earth, could it be here?

And yet, no shampoo.

There was flour, salt, tangerine peels, and soapwort at best. Nothing like the simple, squeezable stuff that foams up with a flick of the wrist.

“Eeeeeeeek…!”

Beccio glared at the crude lump of soap with resentment. She missed the motel’s body wash. It lathered so wonderfully.

The Little Pope awkwardly washed herself alone.

Of course, when it came to mere cleanliness, the Holy City actually surpassed the future city of Omelas in some respects. Cleanliness could be covered with divine power. If need be, they could hire a mage to cast a Cleanse spell.

Functionally, there was no problem, aside from the reduced enjoyment of a pleasant bath. But there also existed a sense of loss that simply could not be replaced.

No phones.

The Little Pope and the Hero sat side-by-side at a table, lamenting their fate.

“…Baby Shark.”

“…Dance challenges.”

Yes, they couldn’t watch Baby Shark doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo anymore. The short-form videos of s*xy women doing trending dances were gone forever. The next episodes of dramas had vanished beyond the tides of time…

Finn and Beccio clutched their heads and sighed. Ah, nostalgic names!

The crazy mage had said that much preparation was needed to return to Omelas, and it was impossible until at least the subjugation of the Evil Dragon was complete.

So, what could fill this sense of loss and regret?

They pondered various methods. First, they tested whether existing forms of play could allow them to forget the amusements of the future city.

“Today, we’re playing hide-and-seek.”

“Good!”

Finn and Beccio played with gusto.

The answer to the question of whether 17-year-old Finn could find enjoyment playing with 6-year-old Beccio was ‘yes.’ He had always cherished the time he spent with the Little Pope, after all.

“『Precept: A hundred search parties sound their silent trumpets.』”

Dududududu-!

And now, a generous helping of thrill and suspense had been added. Having completed his hacker job experience, the Pope, with his divine power, could easily send shivers down Finn’s spine.

“『Cognitive Acceleration』──!”

Now, in the Pope’s abode, one could frequently observe the hero dashing vertically up the walls.

The play was delightful, a precious time worthy of being etched into a page of memory, but the problem lay in what came after.

After playing, after studying, after completing all the scheduled tasks, around eight in the evening. This ambiguous sliver of time, with only about an hour left before bedtime.

Too energetic to simply relax, yet not sleepy enough to drift off, needing to do something but finding nothing to do. Whenever that time arrived, thoughts of Baby Whale would swirl into existence.

“Ttururut ttururu⋯⋯.”

But he couldn’t see it. Vaguely tracing back the image left in his memory, he could only mutter sadly in a haze-like recollection. Where have you gone, HD quality!

Finn’s situation was similar, though the timing was a little different. He was tormented by a certain urge that a vigorous, virile human male naturally experiences at night.

But how could one satisfy such desires in this holy and sacred city? Go meet a woman? But here, there was no country girl, the kind of bride Finn dreamed of.

Getting involved with a priestess was also a bit awkward. It was uncertain whether they would even be interested in Finn, but if they were, wouldn’t they be drawn to the title of hero?

Someday, Finn would quit being a hero and return to the countryside. It was uncertain whether a priestess who lived in the holy city would accept such a declaration.

Why go to such a backward place, why give up the hero position, such things might be said. Which would naturally lead to trouble.

“Hah⋯⋯.”

Finn, gazing at the brightly shining moon, recalled the past with melancholy eyes. It was a night when bunny girl magazines were missed.

So went the week.

“⋯⋯Baby Whale!”

“⋯⋯Terminal!”

Finn and Vecchio had ultimately failed at their digital detox. They couldn’t live like this. If they had remained ignorant, perhaps it would have been different, but now that they knew, there was no turning back.

Something⋯⋯ Something was needed to fill the void left by the smartphone.

Vecchio came up with an idea.

“⋯⋯Besides us, there must be others who have adventured in other worlds, right? Shadow Hero Bennett-nim also completed such a journey!”

“Yes. That’s what I understand.”

“Then, wouldn’t they also have felt the discomfort⋯⋯ and already created something to address it?!”

“Pope-nim, are you a genius?!”

That’s right! There were senior adventurers who had explored other worlds!

They too would have experienced the same reverse culture shock, and if so, they might have created various things to alleviate the inconvenience. (Since player interaction was close to zero at this point, they thought that even if they didn’t fall in the same Omelas, the places they ended up would be roughly similar.)

Finn and Vecchio did not delay. They toddled over to meet Shadow Hero Bennett, whom they already knew.

Vecchio, alight with the burgeoning dream of baby whales, inquired,

“Sir Bennet, what was the other world you arrived from like?”

“…Are you sure you want to know?”

“Yes!”

Bennet provided a brief description of a dark and damp world rife with crazed zealots, malevolent gods, and human sacrifice rituals. His voice remained flat as he depicted the swaying shadows of hand-drawn figures against the windowpane.

Vecchio shuddered at the horror of it all, while Finn nodded in understanding. It was a different genre entirely. No wonder Sedera had become like that after navigating such a place.

Even so, Finn couldn’t relinquish his hope, and asked,

“…Then, what about smartphones?”

“I wouldn’t know what those are. There were telephones, though.”

“It’s the next generation of that technology, sir, a rectangular device. It works with touch, connects to various media…”

As Finn gesticulated wildly in explanation, Bennet furrowed his brow in contemplation. Something stirred within his memory.

“I encountered someone else speaking of similar things.”

“Really?! Who could it be? We need to speak with him…”

“You’re likely aware that those who have experienced other worlds due to a mad mage are gathering here, in the holy city of Trumpethall, to participate in the Dragon Subjugation Operation. I needed to converse with them briefly, for organizational purposes.”

“Those were our seniors?!”

Finn and Vecchio quickly ran through the names of the famous individuals who had recently arrived in the holy city: Duke Julius of the North, Grand Alchemist Arte Ropelman, Emperor Irid Crown (Genuine!), students from the Academy, the Head of the Holy Knights, and so on.

Of these people, who would know about smartphones, who might have experienced a more advanced civilization… Gordius, the genius of the Golden Magic Tower, who supposedly creates all sorts of strange devices?!

Bennet shook his head, revealing the answer.

“…No, although he might know about them too. The one I heard it from was Duke Redburn.”

“Whoa! A Magical Girl?!”

“He didn’t seem to appreciate being called that. If you plan to meet him, Your Holiness, be warned. He’ll likely be with the Head of the Holy Knights.”

Their next destination was decided.

—

Bright-eyed and eager.

“…Hello, Duke Redburn! Um, perhaps it would be better to call you Duchess…?”

“… … … …”

Roderus froze mid-motion, a sandwich halfway to his mouth. The words uttered by the tiny girl had inflicted a deep wound upon his heart.

It hurt all the more because he sensed she had asked out of consideration, with no malice intended. That damned mad mage.

While Duke Roderus closed his eyes tightly, struggling to contain his inner turmoil, Kim Ruru, thoroughly excited, crouched down in front of Vecchio, her eyes gleaming.

“Oh my, what a cute kid?! Hey there, where are you from? What’s your name? If you’re a Dae-soo fan, should I get you a signature instead?”

“Ah, hello there…”

“How cute~! Look, Daesu, he’s even tinier than me! We should have a baby soon too. Hey, can I hold you? Will you let me if I buy you candy?”

“…Enough, Kim Lulu. That person is the Pope of the Goddess Church. Though his secular rank is lower than a Duke’s, we must treat him with respect, if only to honour the Goddess’s authority.”

Roderus restrained Kim Lulu, if only to avoid future complications.

“I, I am Vecchio…”

Judging by appearances, the little Pope didn’t seem to dislike her. He must have felt Kim Lulu’s pure, 100% goodwill, because their familiarity visibly increased at a rapid pace.

I suppose the kids can play together. Roderus swept his hair back with both hands, ensuring the perfection of his slicked-back style, and then met the gaze of the Goddess Church’s Hero, who had accompanied the Pope.

Hero Finn. Receiving zealous support from the citizens of the Holy City. While inadequate Heroes were being banished left and right, he alone had passed the Goddess’s trials, remaining as the genuine, Goddess-chosen Hero.

What kind of person could he be? A Hero straight out of a storybook? Or… a cunning fox capable of projecting such an image at will?

Either way, he was no ordinary man. Roderus narrowed his eyes, determined not to lose in this silent battle of wills. He exuded the full weight of his authority as a Duke.

Come, Hero. I don’t know what purpose brings you here, but if this is about territorial rights, I have no intention of settling for less than what’s due──

“A-ah, greetings, Duke Redburn, Your Grace. I, I am… Fi, Fing.”

“……..”

“Not Fing, Finn… Sir. Yes. I, I wanted to ask, to inquire about something…”

Rumble, rumble, rumble.

The vibration was practically on silent mode. Finn, a commoner to the bone, trembled, overwhelmed by the power of a Duke, a noble of high lineage. Back in Omelas, because it was a place where you couldn’t die, he could talk back to even a CEO of a big company, but this was different.

Finn, who still hadn’t fully grasped the power of his Hero title, could only let his inner small-town instincts sound the emergency alarm.

Kim Lulu, already friendly with Vecchio, who was now sitting on her lap, scolded Roderus.

“Daesu, don’t bully the young man!”

“…I’m not bullying him. Hero Finn, let’s get to the point. I would appreciate it if you would state the purpose of your visit.”

“W-well, Your Grace, it’s just that we have, um… both visited another world. Of course, I don’t presume to be on equal footing! So──”

A lengthy explanation followed.

Roderus succinctly summarized it.

“So, you need a smartphone, in the end. Is your side cyberpunk… That crazy mage, acting as he pleases even on the eve of war.”

Reverse culture shock, is it?

Of course, Roderus and Kim Lulu had both experienced it. Especially Roderus. He still hadn’t forgotten the coldness of being thrown into the Redburn family’s underground prison after eating rice soaked in miso soup.

After learning the truth about the crazy mage, it became okay since he could visit whenever he was bored, but before that, he would often pat his pockets in the real world, searching for his cell phone.

But if that’s the case… then Hero Finn and the little Pope also think the session is real?

The solution to reverse culture shock and withdrawal symptoms is simple. Realize that the session is fake, and ask the crazy mage to get you a smartphone.

From what I hear, it doesn’t seem like he’s the type to grab a Warhammer and smash the crazy mage’s head in if he learns the truth…

Roderus tossed it out, just like that.

“Hero. Have you ever considered the possibility that your experiences are a form of illusion magic?”

“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”

A moment of silence hung in the air.

“Pfft, hahahaha!”

“Ah-hah-hah!”

Finn and Vezzio burst into laughter simultaneously. They couldn’t help but marvel at Duke Roderus’s keen sense of humor. Was this the refined wit of a noble, meant to ease the tension?

They knew from dabbling in hacking in Omelas.

For something like that to be even remotely possible, the caster, some mad mage, would need computational power on par with a goddess.

Then, wouldn’t launching the mad mage’s head into outer space instantly create another god in this world? It was utterly absurd.

“Thank you, Duke. That was a funny joke. You’re quite the humorist.”

“Thank you, Duke! I think both Finn and I feel a little less tense, thanks to you⋯⋯.”

“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”

These imbeciles, even after I tell them⋯⋯.

Very well, then we shall go the long way around. Roderus presented Finn and the Pope with a guideline for obtaining a smartphone.

“For the shampoo and conditioner, you could ask the Grand Alchemist. For the electronics, Gordeus of the Golden Magic Tower would be helpful. A perfect smartphone might be out of the question, but they can probably make a simple toy, just for fun. I hear they even build giant robots.”

“Giant robots⋯⋯!”

“And the most crucial part, the content, is being fervently explored at the Violet Magic Tower. I heard that the Barony of Port is planning to pilot network or internet introduction.”

“Internet⋯⋯!”

Roderus knew this information because a friendless mad mage would call him out of boredom and drone on about it, whether he wanted to know or not. He would call to chat once a week or so.

“So, you should have some idea of where to invest to get what you want.”

“Even if we can’t see the baby whale right now⋯⋯ in the future. When the seeds we plant bear plentiful fruit, we can be reunited! Even everyone in the Holy City will be able to taste baby whale!”

Yes, if it doesn’t exist in the world, just create it. Creating something is best left to scientists or mages, and those who stand at the top⋯⋯ decide where to invest the budget.

The little Pope and the Hero decided to invest in future industries.

And this decision would become a pivotal turning point, accelerating the progress of the era.