349 – Ruin (10)

When I came to my senses, I saw myself.

Yes, me. I saw Kim Jun-ho. It was quite a refreshing experience to see the appearance of a person like me from a third party. No, if that was all, I wouldn’t have called it ‘refreshing’.

“Ahhh!!! Why aren’t you lowering the interest rates!!!”

Me crying while looking at the stock graph.

“I’m going~”

Me delivering food on a motorcycle.

“Okay, so I’ll take care of this part, and the rest, at least in Excel…”

Me, wearing a suit, talking on the phone and typing busily on the keyboard.

A variety of ‘me’s’ passed by. They were all different ages, had different expressions, and did different things.

“…”

As I was blankly staring at the ‘me’s’ passing by, before I knew it, another me was right in front of me. This time, I wasn’t alone.

“Jiwon-ah.”

“…huh.”

“Are you ready?”

“ha…”

Jiwon Choi, with her arms crossed, and I, trying to persuade her. The two of them are talking as if I can’t see them. I’m driving a car in front of you, and Jiwon Choi is sitting in the passenger seat. ‘I’ was sitting in the back seat.

“hmm.”

I tried to stretch my hand out, but the two continued their normal conversation as if I couldn’t see them. Yes, I shouldn’t interfere. If I can’t do anything, I should see and remember as much as I can. I gathered my wits and carefully observed my surroundings, and the first thing I saw was myself driving.

My face as I drove looked much weaker and more tired than the face in my memory, and Choi Ji-won’s face looked much more worried than the face in my memory. The difference was even more noticeable when viewed from a third party’s perspective.

“still…”

“Firefighter Cheoljin failed. There’s nothing we can do. Doksuhee too… was in a condition where she couldn’t return.”

Firefighter Cheol-jin failed? Dok-su-hee is in a condition where she cannot return?

In this bewildering situation, it was only then that the puzzle began to fall into place. Yes, that’s right. This is… the future I ‘chose’. I understood what the book meant when it said it would ‘show me’.

But what still remains a mystery is… why? Why does the book want to show me this future? What is its ‘intention’?

“…”

Suddenly, I saw myself reflected in the car’s rearview mirror. It wasn’t like I was transparent like a ghost or anything, but it was my usual face.

The only difference is that the image reflected in the mirror looks tired and exhausted, just like Kim Jun-ho, who is having a conversation right now. The absolute power itself must have been tens, maybe thousands of times stronger. The body, including the skin, is no different from the best condition.

The look in your eyes. The momentum. The expression. Unlike the me in my memories… You look so weak. When did I become like this? When did I become so weak? There was a reason Jiwon looked at me with worried eyes.

Clearly, I used to be able to endure dozens or hundreds of regressions. I thought I believed in myself. Did I just get tired? Or did I just wear out during the regression? I don’t know why, but one thing is for sure… I’ve ‘become weaker.’

My head dropped without me knowing. I felt like lying down somewhere, but it was not the time.

“If only Dok Soo Hee was okay.”

Another me sighing deeply as I say that.

“… What should I do when the child is sick?”

“Yeah, there’s nothing I can do about it. Mental illness… is something that you shouldn’t relapse into.”

I don’t know the details, but Dok Soo-hee seemed to have some kind of mental illness. Yeah, if that’s the case, then it makes sense not to regress.

Physical wounds can be overcome by regression. Items will also return when you regress. However, soul illnesses cannot be cured. This is because it is obvious that they will continue even if you regress.

Furthermore, the fact that we are regressing together now means that we will continue to be colleagues in the future. It would be impossible to recruit a mentally ill woman to such a precious colleague position. It would be better to regress and then find a way to cure the mental illness.

“Mr. Cheoljin too…”

This time, it was Choi Ji-won who sighed.

“If the President’s condition had been just a little better… I wouldn’t have known.”

Here again, there was no detailed explanation, but it was implied that Firefighter Park Cheol-jin had failed. How could he have failed even with the help of Jitter in addition to the mask? Surely… I thought he wouldn’t be that ignorant.

“I wish there was someone else with a mask…”

“There was no one else to get the mask except Jitter. There was nothing I could do.”

Ah, I see. The source of the mask was the problem.

Firefighter Park Cheol-jin has no other way to obtain the ‘mask’ than through Michael Jeter. He must first clear the 23rd floor, and choose the mask from among three rewards. At this point, he is literally a top-tier player.

Firefighter Park Cheol-jin has no means of contacting such a top-tier player, and it is nearly impossible to borrow a mask. Therefore, he must obtain a mask from Jeter.

The president was once betrayed by Michael Jeter. If he had realized that the source of the ‘mask’ was Jeter, what would the half-mad president have thought?

Perhaps… Jeter and Firefighter Park Chul-jin conspired to trick the president? It’s a perfectly plausible scenario. The odds are even higher because there’s no other way to prevent it from failing.

“…”

In conclusion, all of the alternatives that Choi Ji-won had come up with failed. It was a situation where she had to use the ring as a last resort, not willingly, but against her will.

“Let’s do what we can.”

But the me in front of me looked pretty normal, considering I was in such a desperate situation. No, I didn’t look normal at all, but at least I looked similar to how I was now.

Well… the reason is obvious.

“It’s okay. We can do it.”

It’s Choi Ji-won. Because she was always there for me while worrying about me, because she gave for me, I’m holding on to my last sanity. Thinking about it made my heart feel warm.

-Squeak.

The car stopped. It seemed to have reached its destination, and it was a place I remembered. That is… near the restaurant that ‘Ronald’ often visits.

“The book said so. Our world’s connection to the ‘center of the world’ would be severed. The book would never have existed in the first place, Ronald would never have been summoned to the tutorial… and my identity would also be unknown.”

“…huh.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll always find a way. You know I always find a way.”

“…huh.”

The conversation itself seemed like I was reassuring Jiwon Choi, but the actual structure was the exact opposite. I, who looked extremely anxious, was pouring out ‘reasons why I was okay’, and Jiwon Choi was nodding along to what I said and reassuring me.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll be back.”

As I was about to open the car door and get out, I suddenly stopped moving. Maybe it was because I was looking at myself, but I thought I understood his feelings.

You must have been grateful. You must have been thankful. You must have wanted to repay it. Because of that, even though you thought of various methods, you must have concluded that they were not appropriate for the current situation.

So what you can do is speak. Express yourself.

Words we couldn’t say because we were always struggling. Words we didn’t say often because we were closer than friends or lovers. Words we absolutely had to say now.

“I love you, Jiwon. Really.”

“…me too.”

I hugged her tightly, who had a hard time climbing the tower, who had tried hard for me. Since I had also tried hard for Choi Ji-won, Ji-won’s hand patted my back as if comforting me.

“…”

I looked out the window from the back seat. It was me, but something felt strange. There was nothing I could do about it.

However… if I were to go back, I would have decided what I would say to Jiwon. That was about it.

“Then I’ll be back.”

The car door opened wide. I couldn’t say that it was full of confidence, but… the steps were confident. I cautiously got out of the car and followed those steps.

-Tiring.

The restaurant door opens. The bell rings. Eyes pour in.

“Oh, Junho?”

“It’s a regressor. It’s true.”

“Hey, take a picture, take a picture.”

Ronald recognizes me. Citizens take out their phones. Rings are tightly held in hand.

“Ronald.”

“Uh, yes?”

“I will erase your characteristics.”

I roughly put the ring on Ronald’s hand, and inwardly I made a strong wish. That the characteristic called ‘Book of Truth’ would disappear from this world.

“Oh, huh?”

The ring on Ronald’s finger began to glow slowly as if responding to my will. At first, the light was faint like a broken light bulb, but slowly, very slowly, it began to grow stronger.

-Whaaah!!!

At one point, it became so strong that it exploded, and soon the light covered the entire world.

“…”

The light went down. My eyes, which I had closed without realizing it, opened.

“…uh?”

I was back in my studio again.

The force that had enveloped her body was no longer there. Even the human voices that she had heard, no matter how hard she tried to control them, had disappeared. All that remained were the familiar sounds of daily life. Footsteps passing by on the street, the friction sound of a delivery truck being pushed against small pebbles in the hallway, and the laughter-filled sound of a phone call.

Daily life. Yes, it was the sound of daily life. The daily life I had longed for so much.

“Huh? Huh?”

But a sense of discomfort. A strange sense of discomfort runs down my spine. Something is different. Something fundamentally different.

It feels like there’s no air left and I can’t breathe. It feels like the floor is falling in. It feels like things are upside down.

Because something so ‘obvious’ had changed, I couldn’t recognize it in reverse. What is it? What on earth has changed? I forgot something important. Something… something…

“…ah.”

And only then did I notice.

There wasn’t any.

“Jiwon-ah?”

Traces of Choi Ji-won.

Her cell phone that used to be on the table. Her clothes in the closet. Her sneakers that were always in the shoe rack. Boongboongi that used to grumble and complain.

“Choi Ji-won?”

The women’s cosmetics that were in the bathroom. The toothbrush. The shampoo we used together. Her scent from the pillow and blanket. All traces of her that were in this small treasure trove.

There wasn’t any.