Chapter 51 – Plancia Alice (9)

Memories of my childhood flashed through me.

When I was 12 years old, there was a time when Carlson suddenly left the house and didn’t come back for about two weeks. Both her mother and Elena were wearing happy faces, and the gloomy house was lively as if a ghost were roaming around.

I could sit at the parlor table and paint. Since I was doing something I hadn’t done before, I got more excited and sang a hum on my own. At that time, my mother put her hand on my shoulder and was looking at the picture I drew.

The picture I drew at that time was vividly alive in my memory to the extent that I can draw it the same way now. There is a small house with a red roof in a wide meadow, and four people are holding hands. Mom. Me. Elena. And stepdad.

“What is this?”

Mom asked me what this picture was. With what expression did I tell her mother at that time? I tried to lighten my voice, but I knew then that my face was distorted.

“It is a picture of our family. After Mom breaks up with Dad, she meets someone better and lives happily ever after. He doesn’t hit Mom or Elena, and he doesn’t bully me. I don’t call them food bugs for spending money, and they let us all go on picnics together.”

Paintings project wishes.

I was a clever but immature child who had learned to express my wishes a little more blatantly than my peers. Mom listened to my wishes and stroked my hair.

At that time, her mother must have thought she was laughing. But even in my childhood memories, you had a gloomy face like the rainy season. With tears in her eyes, she hugged me tightly and sobbed. I remembered this breath the moment she swallowed her cries so as not to hurt her little daughter.

“We, when that time comes, we all play together. Eat delicious food, praise my dad for doing good to me, go on a trip with my family, and do fun things. The other kids said that their dad taught them things like horseback riding.”

It is painful to face fragments of memories. It was because the immature echo hit the wall of reality and penetrated people’s minds.

How innocence sometimes makes people miserable.

Looking back at my childhood memories, I looked in the mirror and saw myself standing there with a red kiss mark on my chest and semen clinging to my thighs. The happy child, who said he would have fun with his dad, was on his way home groaning today as he was buried under someone who might be his stepfather.

There was no sense of justice on the other side of the lewd story. I thought that I had become an adult, but I was still bound by the immature possessiveness of childhood, and it was just that I couldn’t let go of my attachment to Sylvia, who had already become someone else’s woman.

Sylvia is already Evan’s woman.

No matter what I tell Evan, Sylvia will not come back.

I knew that.

In this bet, she knew she would lose in the end.

But even knowing it, I couldn’t back down. Because I was the one who liked Sylvia first.

I really liked Sylvia, and she believed that Sylvia would understand my true feelings.

I looked at the calendar and saw the stupidly circled date. The day I first met Sylvia. I think I dated Sylvia and used her red pen.

Thanks to that, even today, the calendar bothered me by showing off the scars left on its body.

******

After sex every night, disgust and instinct are playing a tug of war with each other.

The visceral throbbing in my stomach and the ecstasy of this evening made the corners of my mouth twitch, and the thought of seeing Evan lying around with my mom again made me feel disgust again.

When I entered the room, it seemed that I would cease to be myself. As if she had landed in a world where her common sense had been reversed, where Evan acted as if it was her natural human being to attack her daughter, and Sylvia acted as if Evan was her very own master.

I had a hard time staying there every day. I closed my eyes. When she floats, she inadvertently moves her head along Evan’s cock. While counting the number of condoms scattered on the floor, I look at Sylvia with envy as she casually rams her head into Evan’s groin while saying to ‘clean’ her.

After the rapturous sex, Evan tossed me on the bed like a discarded doll, and Sylvia turned her back to me and gave Evan a fellatio. I had no right to intervene.

Evan didn’t touch her, it was because her Sylvia wanted to, so she did it herself.

Evan looked down at Sylvia with her happy expression, and Sylvia squatted like her puppy, her head moving her eagerly, how secretive and sensational it was.

“Do you want to join us?”

“…Crazy bastard. I’m going.”

Watching the scene, I found myself strangely agitated, and ran out, spitting out abusive words at Evan’s nonsensical offer to join me.

It was a room with nothing to run out and face. A room where cold curtains transparently reflect the indigo night sky, and leaves blown in through the cold wind cling to the railing.

A room that was eerily quiet and no one would knock on the door.

A room full of things for me, but nothing for me.

A tea set for Sylvia was in the cupboard, and a photo with Sylvia was on the desk.

The day she first met Sylvia was engraved on the calendar, and the bag her mother had bought for her when she entered the academy was under the desk. Many of my clothes were remade for me by Elena.

And I was alone in the room.

In the end, I am afraid of this solitude and that dichotomy that shines out the window.

The moment a line is drawn in a room that used to be one, the world turns cold. From the moment Evan was drawn in my family, it was natural for me to be alone. Because Evan was an insatiable human being. Because Sylvia and her mother aren’t enough to attack Elena.

So I had no choice but to put all my expectations on the word ‘if’ and pray.

Hoping that Sylvia would understand my unwillingness to fall alone, she had no choice but to give herself blindly.

******

The sex with Evan has entered its second week. Evan and Sylvia praised me for holding on better than expected, but I wasn’t happy with Evan’s words at all. The twitching lips and twitching eyebrows were because I already knew what state I was in.

I was really holding on better than I thought.

But that didn’t mean I was fine.

I realized at some point that I was enjoying sex. Rather than enjoying the sex itself, he was naturally accepting this love triangle involving Evan and Sylvia. As I should have done, I took off my panties when I came to my room, and I rubbed my genitals and oozing out myself.

I learned how to spread my legs a little more to make it easier for Evan to enter, and I learned how to flex my silence followed and switch skillfully to various positions to match Evan’s movements. Evan knew that I liked it when I rolled my nipples, and he knew my clitoris was my weakness.

And

Sylvia started not having sex with me properly at some point.

“Did you feel good? Sylvia?”

“Huh.”

It was when I proudly asked with a tired, sweaty face. Sylvia unconsciously replied coldly, then she hurriedly shook her head and calmed her expression. But then I felt like cold water had been sprayed all over my body.

Sylvia lost interest in sex with me.

The time to make love has not changed. It wasn’t even that Sylvia was skimping on sex. But a woman’s intuition was crying out to me:

Just as I’m not getting satisfaction from Sylvia and her sex, she says Sylvia is losing interest in her too.

Those moonlight-like eyes that used to smile at me turned into “Give” Eyes that smiled because they were friends.

That Sylvia is drawing a line against me. What should I be thinking when I see Sylvia not sweating on her back as she turns around, not even breathing hard?

How am I supposed to explain that I find her sex with Evan more enjoyable than her sex with her?

She was just a woman who was true to her friend line, and even more true to her love for her mistress.

I couldn’t blame Sylvia.

However, I couldn’t quit this bet and declare that I was giving up.

It was a strange bet from the start.

A bet that Sylvia’s doctor didn’t have at all.

Why did I take for granted that Sylvia would stick by my side?

If Sylvia says to stop this bet, and she’s on her own, do I have the right to stop it?

Why did she think Sylvia would choose me?

Suspicion turned to fear and anxiety.

She is anxious that Sylvia will abandon me.

And, the fear that Evan and Sylvia would suddenly stop betting and leave all of a sudden.

I was swept away by the atmosphere and subordinated myself.

Today, too, I was walking towards the abandoned building of the Faculty of Magic.

Just as a beast being dragged to a slaughterhouse cries because it cannot change its fate, I just walked in cautiously, chasing away my anxiety.

When I entered the back alley without anyone noticing and grabbed the doorknob and pushed my body in, the two people who were supposed to be waiting first were nowhere to be seen.

Instead, a voice came from inside the shower.

“Ah! Aang! Ah… ! Great… ! Harder! Papa, please hurry… ! Evan… ! Hey, don’t let Alice find out… ! Aang!”

Slap. Slap. Slap.

The sound of flesh crashing.

“I guess the sex you had with Alice wasn’t good enough?”

Evan’s mocking voice.

“Ah, Alice… ! Good friend but… ! Sorry… ! Having sex… ! Not funny… ! Aang… ! I don’t think I’m feeling too well… ! I am… ! Sorry… ! As expected, I like Evan-sama’s cock… ! Aang!”

Ah.

I see

After all, I can’t separate the two.

All I can do is put my body between the two of them.