Chapter 429 – Unrequited Love

“Brother.”

“Yes.”

The mouth that escaped control and called Roman.

Atra, feeling resentful of her own weak reason, stopped her pen.

Should I just call it out and say it was nothing?

Should I change the subject to a personal question that is different from what I want to say?

Or not.

‘···Is it okay if I tell you?’

It’s not a big deal to hear. It’s not a funny story that makes you laugh.

The purpose of speaking is also gloomy. The atmosphere raised by Roman through self-deprecation may plummet to the bottom.

There it is.

When she rolled her eyes and brought up her past history, saying that she would take it all.

If Roman asks why he is telling that to himself, will he be able to survive without any trouble?

“···.”

“Atra.”

“Huh, yeah?!”

The back of Atra’s head, who looks worried.

Because there was a long gap that no one but the parties involved could understand, Roman spoke first.

“I wonder if you like warm herbal tea.”

“···Joe, do you like it?”

“Please wait a moment.”

It was a random question, but when Atra came up with an answer in her confusion, Roman, who saw her smile, walked towards her without hesitation.

‘Huh?’

Atra’s gaze was filled with doubt.

Those eyes left the paper where she had to continue her work and followed Roman’s back.

She watched the action blankly.

Roman lifted the see-through glass kettle with his large hands and made a rustling sound.

As it is a luxurious room selected by Varian.

Disposable tea leaves and even a teapot, commonly called a teapot, were provided.

‘···.’

At the sight of the overturned teacup clattering, Atra wondered if it was possible.

Atra held her breath as the hot water flowed and steamed up her under Roman’s touch.

I felt resentful of Roman who kept showing this kind of behavior.

When Roman approached with a smile and a glass, his heart sank and he bit his lip.

“Chamomile is said to have the effect of eliminating nervousness or irritability and providing stability. It is also said to have properties that warm the body.”

“···Thank you.”

It was clear what Roman wanted to convey.

It means that she should calm down because she looks quite nervous.

Druk-

Unlike the first time, Roman sat on the chair facing away from the back instead of towards the back.

She lowered her gaze to see Atra taking a sip of tea, and announced in a light voice.

“Atra-sama. I can’t predict what’s going to happen. If you haven’t already felt bad about what happened with me—”

“Well, that’s not it…!”

When Atra shrugged her shoulders and expressed her denial, Roman politely asked for forgiveness.

“I’m sorry for passing it up when I decided not to mention it.”

“···.”

Atra was worried as she looked at the pale yellow liquid.

Roman waited quietly.

Atra, who had reached the end of her deep thoughts and made a decision, opened her mouth.

“Do you remember that when I was young, I hated the luxury item called alcohol?”

“That’s the story you told me the day we had an aperitif. I remember it.”

“Actually, there is a real reason other than the plausible reason of hurting someone. Will you listen?”

“I will listen.”

As Roman listened to her, looking at her own face, Atra slightly avoided her gaze and placed her hand on her chest.

Take deep breaths and calm down again.

Atra put her lips on the teacup she was holding and started talking after her.

“More than half of the nuns and priests who are similar in age to me are war orphans.”

“There are quite a few adventurers.”

“Most occupations are like that. In terms of time, I am in that category, but I fall into the ambiguous category of being a war orphan.

“···.”

It’s an ambiguous thing to say. Roman closed her mouth and listened.

“The reason itself may be war… But my parents did not die or go missing during the war.”

“Is that so.”

“I still clearly remember my parents’ faces. My mother helped other families farm, and my father took care of the livestock and fed them.”

Atra quenched her thirst again with her herbal tea.

The situation continued.

“I’m sure it was when I was young, but I remember it clearly. My mother would leave me in a corner at work, and I would touch the dirt and play while waiting.”

“I can see a picture in my head.”

Atra showed a small smile at Roman’s reaction.

“I lived like that day after day, and it was a very cloudy day. Someone who lived in a village far away ran away to our village, and if I remember correctly, he was covered in blood.”

News of an attack by federal soldiers. A single word from the injured person turned the village upside down.

Since they heard news of an incident nearby, they thought they might be the next target.

It is said that Atra’s parents decided to head to the capital in accordance with the wishes of her village chief. It was a complacency that they thought they would be safe in the capital and that they would vaguely take pity on them and accept them.

“I don’t think that my parents or the village chief’s judgment was wrong. It’s just that everyone who lived there lived their entire lives self-sufficiently. The further away I got from the village, the more uncertain I became about the situation and the social situation.”

“I don’t think it was a bad choice.”

The options given to them would not have been wide.

There would have been no room for the fear and sense of urgency that the word ‘war’ gives to one’s doubts and to go through each and every detail.

“Anyway, on the day I heard the news, I left in a hurry and walked so far… There was a village that had already burned down and tears were flowing from the smoke just by passing by. There were many people who didn’t even know the news of the war.”

All I can rely on is a simple map inherited from the village chief.

The problem was that no one could even see the map properly. The village chief, who was the only one who could read, was just a little bit blind.

“We all wandered and wandered together. We all got tired of the unfamiliar outside life, and our parents started fighting every day.”

Everyone is tired and exhausted.

Moreover, if they tried to survive after abandoning their home, their future was hopeless.

It has become common for even the smallest of sparks to turn into big fights.

“After living like that, my father ended up looking for alcohol as an escape. My mother was no exception…”

Every time I saw a new town, I sold everything I had and started drinking.

After we ran out of everything we could sell, we found odd jobs in the village we arrived in and received alcohol as wages.

When there was no work, people naturally started begging. There was no village that allowed groups of outsiders to settle down.

The turning point was when the village chief, who was at the forefront with the map, passed away due to old age.

No one knew how much time was left on the way to the capital.

The villagers who lost their heads dispersed. Among them, Atra’s parents returned to the previous village they had just left after a conversation.

Atra went with her father to the restaurant attached to her inn for her first time, she says.

“After sitting down and emptying two bottles of alcohol, my father told me to stay still and wait as he would bring the money.”

Atra’s eyes turned to the window.

Roman doesn’t know what comes to mind as he looks at the darkening sky.

“I continued to wait without any doubts. I was worried that something had happened to my father, who did not return in the evening. I could not recall the possibility of him abandoning me.”

“Did something really happen to your parents?”

At Roman’s question, Atra slowly shook her head.

As an adult, she recalled her past by saying that she once secretly visited her village.

Atra’s parents had already decided to live separate lives due to frequent conflicts.

All that was left was what to do with Atra.

Thinking about the future, it is a difficult time and situation for parents to handle even their own words.

Her father and mother at Atra were not prepared to take responsibility.

“That day, my father drank without saying a word. I remember his eyes staring at me as he sat quietly. Things like hesitation and conflict… At first, I felt it and sat up straight with my back straight to avoid getting scolded. “

“···.”

“As night came, the owner of the inn noticed and screamed and asked how I would compensate… I was unable to answer and just cried, and then a nun from the religious order came to me.”

The nun who was taking care of her at the inn paid for her drinks.

The story goes that she guided Atra, who was alone, to her cult.

“I know that alcohol is not the problem. However, while working at the church, I witnessed many accidents caused by alcohol. As a young person, I had a strong feeling that alcohol may have encouraged impulsive choices of the day. If the conflict had continued a little more, my father “I thought they might have taken me.”

“So she hated alcohol when she was young.”

“That’s right. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized that alcohol wasn’t to blame. It’s a boring story, isn’t it…?”

Roman was lost in thought.

Atra fidgeted at the sight of her and tapped the teacup with her fingers.

“Atra.”

“Yes, yes!”

Atra swallowed her saliva, wondering what Roman was going to say as she looked at her serious face.

“I don’t think Atra will be able to sympathize with me if I tell you about my miserable past.”

“···.”

“But I can assure you of one thing.”

“Which···?”

Roman, who finished organizing Atra’s question by mulling over her sentence, slowly spit out her sentence.

“A relationship that is thicker than blood definitely exists.”

Roman continued to give additional explanation to Atra, who was looking at him blankly.

“I have nothing to say about my blood-related family. My parents… I don’t even remember their faces. I don’t know how they live. I have no intention of going to visit them.”

“Okay···.”

“But even if you are not connected by blood, you will be able to find a relationship that feels like real family.”

“That means sisters to brothers, right?”

Atra asked, raising the corners of her mouth with effort.

Roman smiled brightly and showed positivity.

“Atra.”

“Yes?”

“If the influence of Nema Natas disappears in the future and relations with the Commonwealth improve significantly, won’t a world arrive where the title of saint is no longer necessary?”

“···.”

“Some days it would be enough to simply return to my position as a nun.”

It was a bit vague, but Atra knows what Roman wants to say.

And it makes me think.

‘What on earth did I want to do with this conversation? ‘Is this really the way to promote myself?’

The meaning has already been lost. Let’s picture the future according to Roman’s words.

Ah, now I understand.

“···.”

The water droplets dripping down Atra’s cheek created ripples in the teacup.

“Here it is.”

“Thank you.”

Atra took the handkerchief Roman gave her and hid her face with tears streaming down her face.

Bonroman might misunderstand her appearance.

Atra’s reason for crying was not that she felt sympathy for her situation or that she felt sad looking back on that day.

Simply.

I was scared of the future ahead. I was jealous of the women waiting for Roman in the capital.

As she attends Roman’s wedding, will she be able to deliver a sincere congratulatory speech?

Will she be able to give a false blessing and show a smile?

I don’t know anymore.

I don’t know, but I know.

I loved my time with this person. Happy.

It’s nice to kindly understand the burden she felt when she tried not to show it. It was nice to be able to picture a happy future, even if it was just a fantasy, even if just for a moment.

But it’s all useless.

Undeniable unrequited love. It was a pitiful act that broke my heart.