Chapter 26 – Lucia Is Laughing (9)

“…”

I shake the bottle off, but nothing comes out.

The bottle of alcohol has already run out.

“…Tsk.”

The loosely thrown bottle collided with other bottles and made a loud noise.

I staggered over to the bar, opened a new bottle, and poured it down my throat.

Money was really convenient in any world.

Originally, alcohol that could not be brought into the academy could be obtained in this amount with money.

It was all expensive and tasteless alcohol, but what about it?

I just needed to be able to take it.

…How many days had passed since he identified Heloise’s body?

Day? Three days? One week?

….I don’t remember.

I was drunk most of the time, and even the shortest time I was sober was spent trying to get drunk again.

There were only empty bottles of alcohol in the room.

It was a repetition of waking up, drinking alcohol, vomiting, and falling asleep again as if passing out.

I tried to get a drink and climb into bed, but my legs were wobbly and my body was not listening.

Eventually, I gave up, sat down on the floor, and leaned my back against the bed.

“..Haha.”

When I blankly looked up at the ceiling, a dry laugh burst out.

Where the hell did I go wrong?

‘In the game….’
‘In the first round….’

Sick bastard.

His fingernails dug between his clenched fists, and blood gushed out.

…I knew it wasn’t a game from the start.

But did you really truly accept this world as reality?

Wasn’t he averting his eyes from the world in the sense of playing the game?

As I looked away, the world looked back at me.

They let me know that they were not data that could be organized in a few lines, but that they were people made of flesh and blood, just like me.

Such people died because of the title that would be added to the status window at most.

…I killed it.

Smart-

As I drank again with unbearable disgust, I heard a knock on the door.

“…Master.”
“Go away.”

I knew Lucia was waiting at her door, but she wouldn’t let me into the room.

I didn’t want to show this to anyone.

“…You didn’t eat it today either.”

Lucia said through the door.

How many times has Lucia visited?

After that day, Lucia came to me several times and left food at the door, but I never opened the door.

“I said go away!”

—Cheolkong

As I shouted, the door opened.

I gnawed my teeth until they made a grinding sound. Unbearable heat welled up in his head.

“What an asshole! Now my orders don’t sound like orders! “
“…Master. You haven’t eaten anything for several days. If you don’t eat even a little, it’ll be a big deal.”

Lucia had food in both hands.

Know the head
That Lucia was worried about me.

However….

I didn’t want to see it now.

“I don’t want to look like you, so get out of here!”
“If you suddenly eat something greasy, it will put a strain on your stomach, so prepare something light today….”

I ordered it, but Lucia pretended not to hear and smiled softly as she walked in.

“Damn it! I mean, don’t ignore it!”

She couldn’t resist the urge and threw the bottle in her hand.

Pooh-!

The bottle that was accidentally blown hit Lucia’s hand.

Wadadang-

The alcohol bottle fell to the floor and was smashed, and the food Lucia had carefully packed was scattered around the room like garbage.

“…Master.”
“Ah…”

… Her blood flowed from Lucia’s fingers.

“No… I didn’t mean to match. Really.”

…Again

I ended up hurting someone again.

I was thinking of just threatening him and kicking him out, but my drunken body couldn’t even do that.

“Mi..Sorry… Sorry..”
“It’s okay.”

I grabbed a face that was about to burst into tears and just repeated her apology.

“You can do anything to me.”

Then Lucia, who had come to my side before I knew it, smiled softly.

I was afraid that my ugliness would spread to Lucia, who smiled so beautifully.

As I tried to run away, Lucia grabbed his hand and said,

“…It’s not just Master’s fault.”

I could see that it didn’t mean he hurt his hand.

“…You mean you say you know something….”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t know…. Everything is my fault! Nothing is not my fault! They died of me alone!”

In this world, only I could stop it.

So obviously it was my own fault.

“No.”

Looking at me who was screaming, Lucia said with unwavering eyes.

“I knew that too and could have stopped it.”
“.Haha…”

I laughed.

Hearing Lucia’s words for a moment almost moved her heart.

…Didn’t you say that yourself?

‘Just as the soldier’s credit becomes the commander’s credit, Lucia’s credit will become my master’s.’

Back then, Lucia was treated as a mere tool.

But now, to think of Lucia as an accomplice.

I couldn’t stand it because I was disgusted with myself who tried to run away from this situation by arbitrarily interpreting it in my favor.

“…You just followed my orders. That’s why I couldn’t stop it. So that too is my fault.”
“No, it was my choice to follow Master’s orders. I could have not obeyed the master’s order as if I had just opened the door and entered.”
“… You didn’t know what was going on.”

Lucia shook her head slowly.

“Master. Did I tell you before the test started? No matter what happens It’s not the owner’s fault. I’ve been thinking since then that something like this could happen.”
“Even if it were….”
“So this is the result of my choice.”

Lucia was the first to cut me off.

I bit my lip.

“… What difference does that rationalization make?”

No matter how many excuses you make, the situation will not change.

“Can we go back as if nothing happened? I killed it! No matter how you excuse it, that doesn’t change! Emery Sylvester! Winfred! Eloise! None of them had to die!”

—Lucia was also aware of this plan.

—It was a situation that did not occur in the first round.

—By the plan, no one should have been hurt.

No matter how much I wrap and wrap it with these words….

It doesn’t change the fact that I could have saved them and not saved them.

“But you want me to act like nothing? Lucia. Above all, do you know what I cannot stand? Professor Loreos says I protected the other students! They think of me as a hero! ….And disgustingly I thought so too!”

He considered himself a hero.

She smiled at the title displayed in the status window.

…Without even thinking about the results I made.

“So tell me… Lucia… How can I… How can I forgive myself… “

Lucia, who heard me, quietly shook her head.

“No. Master. I am not asking Master to forgive himself.”
“…Then what do you want from me…It’s heavy…Lucia…The burden is too heavy for me.”

Human life is so heavy.

It felt as if I would collapse under the weight any moment.

Even when I closed my eyes, opened them, and still saw them.

“…Master, you must never turn a blind eye to your choices. In the future, many people will die or be saved depending on your choice.”
“…No, I’m going to roll my eyes. It was a life to die anyway. By making excuses like this, someday you will deceive yourself.”

Even now that they are visible, they make excuses to themselves.

I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know. So the rationalization was repeated.

In the end, I will easily forget those I killed.

“…So I’ll be with the master. Me and my master…. I will walk with the Master to the end so that he will not turn a blind eye to our choices.”

Lucia’s hand her overlapped mine.

When he raised his head, he saw Lucia’s blue eyes in her.

“…So, Master. Please do not despair and save this world.”

A tremor that could not be hidden came from Lucia’s voice of hers.

“…To save the world? At least I couldn’t even save a student’s life?”
“… Yes, Master. Please save the world at least in order not to waste their lives.”

Lucia’s slowly outstretched hand touched my cheek.

“In the past world, we delayed the apocalypse, but failed to prevent it.”

Lucia and I in the world of the first round only delayed the planned end, but could not save the world.

“But this time we still have a chance. We can save the world…. So, master. Please, while admitting your guilt, even though you are tormented by your choice, please continue walking without running away.”
“…..”

Transparent tears flowed from Lucia’s eyes her.

“Please save this world like that.”

Lucia approached slowly and quietly kissed me.

“… If Master can’t forgive his sins his even after we save the world like that ….”

It’s so lovely, but also so sad….

“I will die with my master.”

Under the moonlight streaming in from her window, Lucia smiled sadly.