Chapter 2 – Episode 1 – I Woke Up And Had A Childhood Saint Friend (1)

01 – I Woke Up and Had a Childhood Saint Friend (1)

I’m fucked.
Something is definitely wrong here.

“Yurian? What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

I should have realized something was off when the blonde kid in front of me looked strangely familiar. I, who had never left Korea in my life, how could I be familiar with some blonde-haired, blue-eyed kid, especially a little one?
Ah, well, maybe. Come to think of it, there are a lot of foreign kids on those parenting shows these days, so it’s possible I’m familiar with a blonde kid. But that’s just on TV, not a kid chattering away in front of me.

“It’s weird. If you keep ignoring me, I’m going to get mad, okay? Really.”

To see such a doll-like, cute, adorable girl, a girl I’d want as my own daughter, shaking her little fist in front of me. What the hell is going on? Am I dreaming?

…If it’s a dream, that’s even more serious. Freud would be all over me about libido and sexual desire, saying that a kid like this appearing is a sign of some creepy fetish.

“I’m gonna hit you! I’m really gonna hit you! An, answer me quickly!”

The tiny fist waved back and forth before *thump*, hitting my head.

“…Ah.”
“Ah, did it hurt? It did hurt, didn’t it… I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yurian. It was my fault… *sniff*. Don’t leave me, *waaah*.”
“…This is real?”

What the hell is this?

* * *

It was a pretty niche game.
Outdated pixel graphics. A typical story of a hero defeating the demon king, with no twists or turns, just a flat, boring plot, and ridiculously difficult.
A pixel graphics game that requires extreme physical skills that are hard for a 30-year-old gamer like me to have. Seriously? I wonder what the developer was thinking when they made this, but the heroine illustrations were so well done for a pixel game that I impulsively bought it.

As expected of an unpopular, shitty game, there were no decent reviews online, so I played it for a few days, figuring it out as I went, and realized that melee characters were a dead end.
No, maybe there’s a way, but I can’t find it. Not with my skills.
A dirty physical skill game.

“Is the developer crazy? What’s with the parrying in a pixel game? The controls are terrible too.”

What’s with the timed counterattacks in a pixel graphics game?
The little pixel blobs on the monitor can’t even properly show if they’re swinging a weapon or an arm, but they expect you to dodge, block, or counter in real-time.

Are you kidding me?

I wondered if the game developer was out of their mind, so I checked the credits in the main menu and saw that the company’s name was ‘MAD CLOWN’.
Well, they’re definitely crazy.
If I had given up there, it would have just been a minor incident. I would have just regretted wasting money on a shitty game and forgotten about it.

…But those illustrations, why did I keep playing this damn game?
I was disgusted with myself, but I was determined to see the happy ending with the heroines, so this time I created a ranged character.
If fighting up close is hard, I’ll just shoot from afar, I thought naively.
Yes, it was a naive thought.
Archer. It’s so hard to hit anything.
Mage. Are these magic types for real? There are so many useless ones, you have to use them by element, and they’re hard to hit with too.

“……”

I was speechless, staring blankly at the game over screen.

Are you kidding me? Melee characters are like this, and ranged characters are like this too, what am I supposed to do!
Just give up, damn it.
Who cares about the heroines, they’re just graphics anyway. What’s going to change in my life whether I have a happy ending or not?
And then I start a new game again.
If the illustrations were just a little worse, I would have deleted it right away.
The character creation screen, I don’t know how many times I’ve seen it, pops up.

I thought about it while looking at the character creation screen.
Combat jobs are a dead end. Melee and ranged are impossible with my trash physical skills. Then what jobs are left? I didn’t want to do crafting or non-combat jobs, so that leaves… Cleric.
Priest class? Come to think of it, I used to enjoy playing healers in online games back in the day.
My physical skills are bad, but I’m confident in my judgment. I was a healer that everyone wanted in raids.
Okay. Maybe I’ll try a cleric this time? I’ll just be a cheerleader as a cleric.

“Come to think of it, this is pretty good? I’ll make a party of only heroines and be their cheerleader.”

Okay. Let’s get to the ending this time. I’ll use all the DLC perks I bought and become overpowered!
And then.
I clearly created the character and started the game, but…

“Yurian. Let’s play tag. Okay?”
“…Later.”
“Then jacks?”
“…Later.”
“Aww~ Why won’t you play with me!”

Where am I? Who am I?
And who is this girl who keeps calling me Yurian?
I looked and saw a pretty girl. She looked strangely familiar.
Wait, Yurian? Where have I heard that… That’s the name of the character I created.

“Hey. What’s your name?”
“Don’t joke around! I’m mad!”
“Don’t be mad. Tell me your name.”
“Yurian, you’re a dummy! An idiot! Did you forget Diana’s name?”
“Diana?”

If it’s Diana, isn’t she the saint? The blonde, big-boobed saint.
A heroine character who often tricked the protagonist with her slyness, despite being a saint. Of course, as a saint, she was basically kind-hearted, so she only played mischievous pranks, not trying to screw over the protagonist.

Of course, that’s just her fixed personality.
One of the features of this game is that the character’s personality is a combination of a fixed personality and a random personality that changes with each game.
For example, Diana’s fixed personality is kindness and slyness. That is, she’s basically a kind but sly saint in every game. However, her random personality changes with each game, and she can be quite different depending on what she gets.

The good thing is that the random personality can’t be the opposite of the fixed personality, so her basic tendencies are almost the same.
If this is the game, and the game rules and settings are the same, then the character of Saint Diana is basically kind and sly… and has some random personality added to it.
…But is this kid really that Saint Diana? …Her chest is flat.

“Yurian! Where are you looking!”
“I looked at your chest.”
“M-my chest? Why~?”
“Because it’s flat.”
“Yurian, I hate you!”

Hmm. No matter how I look at it, it’s different from the majestic Diana in the illustrations.
Does that mean this kid will grow up to be like that? I need to feed her well. With nutritious food.
But why is this kid so dirty, even though she’s a saint?
Is she really a saint?

“Are you a saint?”
“What’s that?”

Is she not?

“Never mind. Then where the hell is this?”

I wondered if she was from the Holy Nation of Hespolte, since the saint’s setting was that she was an orphan from there.

“This is the Holy Nation of Hespolte. Yurian is a ba~bo.”
“I am a saint!!”

Diana burst into tears, startled, and while I was comforting her, I somehow ended up promising to play with her all day.
She stopped crying as soon as I promised, this kid is already so clever, I’m looking forward to seeing her grow into a sly saint.

But why isn’t she a saint yet? I remember looking through the setting book because the saint’s illustration was pretty, and it said that she was recognized by the church from a young age and raised as a saint early on.
Is the story already deviating? No, that can’t be! Whether it’s possession or reincarnation or whatever, I’ve only been here for less than an hour, how can the story be different already!

That’s when it happened.
Men in fancy white armor and capes appeared on white horses.

‘Wow. Who are these white guys? Their fashion is amazing. Do they think they’re Andre Kim?’

They came towards us, knelt in front of Diana, and shouted dramatically.

“We are sorry for being late, Saint!”
“We will escort you!”

It was so loud I thought my ears would fall off.
Hey, guys. It’s good that you’re so energetic, but… you scared the kid.

“Yu, Yuriaaan.”

She was crying and hugging me, so I hugged her back and patted her. It felt like she was rubbing her face on my chest… I must be imagining things?

“S-Saint! Why are you crying!!”
“Ugh, my ears hurt. You guys are too loud. Are you trying to make her cry?”
“Who are you! How dare you touch the Saint’s holy body!”
“She hugged me.”

Yeah. Who am I, anyway?

“Don’t yell at Yurian!”
“S-Saint…!”

Oh, Saint Shield! It’s really powerful. The Saint Shield is so effective that it’s a problem.
I was speechless at the sight of grown, muscular men tearing up because a little girl yelled at them.

Anyway, it’s confirmed that Diana is a saint… then what am I? I also made myself a cleric, right?

“…S-Status window?”

It appeared!!

【Yurian】 ● Unemployed

▶ Stats
▶ Skills
▶ Traits

A simple and barren status window appeared in front of me.
But why am I unemployed!
…I can’t do this. I’ll leech off Diana. She seems pretty close to me, so if I stick with her and get into the church, I won’t have to worry about starving.

Please, Diana! I don’t want to starve to death in this strange world!

“Saint! Please come with us to the church. We have finished all the preparations to serve you!”
“The church? Am I a saint?”
“Yes! You are the unquestionable, pure representative of God, the Saint.”
“Oh. Yurian, I’m a saint. Yurian said I was a saint earlier, and he was right. You’re amazing.”

Huh? I suddenly felt a sharp gaze.
I felt like my face was being pierced by their suspicious stares.

“Hey. How did you know this person was the Saint?”
“I just knew. She looks like a saint.”
“That’s right! Hmm. He’s a good judge of character.”

These idiots are knights? I’m worried about the future of the church.

“Oh? This kid, I can feel the power of God from you too.”

Feel my ass.
But I didn’t show it and smiled brightly, trying to show the innocence of a child. Sparkling eyes attack! Take me with you too.

“But Yurian. What’s a saint?”

Hmm. Our kid is so dumb, she can’t be without me. Should I try to appeal like that?
Luckily, I didn’t have to. Diana was hugging me tightly and wouldn’t let go.

“If Yurian doesn’t go, I won’t go either!”
“S-Saint. Please don’t. C-Candy! Yes, candy! I’ll give you candy.”

Are you kidding me?

“…How many?”

Is she an idiot? Or is her affection for me only worth candy?

“Then Yurian can come too, right?”

Oh, the sly saint! She’s taking care of it. You have a plan, Diana.

“Of course, of course! This child also has such a strong divine power, we were going to take him from the beginning.”

I’m a little suspicious of the knight’s sincerity, but the result is good, so I guess it doesn’t matter.

And so, escorted by the knights, we crossed the main street of the Holy Nation of Hespolte. Diana was whimpering and hugging me, probably scared by the stares of the people, so I had to endure the knights’ fierce glares, but isn’t this the fate of a popular guy?
I didn’t even try to gain her favor, but she already seems to be at MAX affection.

We arrived at a huge temple.
A pure white space. A vast plaza made of expensive white marble, and a majestic white grand temple stood tall.
It looked grand in the illustrations, but seeing it in person is something else. I stared at the temple for a moment, feeling a different kind of grandeur than the modern city buildings.
This entire open space is paved with white marble. And that huge temple. It looks to be 5-6 stories high, and the width looks bigger than a soccer field. The church must not be struggling for money.

In the game, there were hundreds of people living in that temple, so the scale is definitely different.

“Wow. It’s cool. Right, Yurian.”
“Yeah. We’re going to live here from now on.”
“Really? I like it. I like everything if I live with Yurian.”

Oh, you’re so cute. Yes, keep that heart.
If we get through puberty well, we’ll have a powerful Saint Shield. Thinking that I’ll have a solid background that I didn’t have in real life, I suddenly think that this game life is worth it.
The huge temple was already crowded with people, and thanks to Diana holding my hand tightly, I ended up receiving greetings from the prominent priests along with the saint. Riding on her coattails isn’t bad.

“This is Ian Wright, who will be the guardian to serve the Saint from now on.”

After the old men finished their greetings, a red-haired kid appeared.
A pretty, androgynous kid with fiery, high-saturation red hair that reached her ears and sharp eyes with red pupils. She walked confidently and knelt on one knee in front of Diana.

“It is an honor to meet you, Saint. I am Ian Wright, who will always serve you by your side.”

Her actions and tone were strong, unlike her delicate appearance.
She’s an annoying-looking kid. She’s so pretty like a girl, she looks like she came out of a shoujo manga.

“Wow. Your eyes are pretty. Like jewels.”
“…Y-You’re also p-pretty, Saint.”

Her face flushed red, the same color as her high-saturation red hair. Wow~ Red hair, red eyes, and a red face? A triple threat of red.

It was obvious that she had fallen for Diana at first sight, but I’m not worried. I didn’t recognize her at first, but that distinctive red… and a red-head from the temple, belonging to the ‘Wright’ family, there’s only one.

This red mess is one of the two main heroines of the temple, Irian Wright.
A sassy lesbian heroine. A saint’s lackey, a sycophant, a flatterer. A saint-only yuri expert.
In the game, she was a girl who liked the saint, and it seems like it’s already starting. She’s so small, but she already knows what’s pretty and is eyeing Diana.

Of course, Irian is also classified as a heroine, so she can break free from yuri depending on the protagonist’s choices. But why is that kid glaring at me like that? Her eyes are already sharp, and now she’s glaring at me, her expression is no joke.
You can glare all you want, but you can’t have Diana. No, you can’t. Go away.

Saint Diana
Priest Yurian

At the age of 7, they joined the church.
And 15 years passed.