Chapter 33 – The Incident In The City That Day (2)

Irian’s eyes darted around. Then, as if she’d thought of something, she grinned and started walking towards me. What’s with her?

*Whack!*

With a light flick of her wrist, she suddenly smacked my butt, making a crisp sound.

“…Wha, what the hell was that…?”
“Hmph. I just returned what you did. We’re both guys, so what’s the problem?”
“…Huh.”

What an absurd woman.
I stared blankly at Irian, dumbfounded, and she just wore a smug expression.

…Is she an idiot?

Up until now, I thought she was smart but just hated using her brain. I was wrong. She’s just an idiot.

“Now you know, right? How humiliating it is.”

I was so dumbfounded that I could only let out a hollow laugh. But I couldn’t just let this good opportunity pass. Diana and Carsilla weren’t around, so I decided to give Irian some ‘education’ today.

“Ugh. How could this be so humiliating. Irian, you…”
“Heh. If you understand, be careful in the future… Huh! You dare again?”

Too bad.

I put on a high-level performance, trembling with feigned humiliation to lower her guard, and then quickly swung my hand when she was being smug, but she dodged it like a squirrel.

“I can’t just let this humiliation slide. Irian! Let’s see your back, your back!”
“You impudent fool! You think I’ll just let you?”

I was about to pounce on Irian like a flash, but I stopped abruptly.
…Wait. What did I just say? I’m completely out of it.

“Opening!”

The moment I froze with a brain fart, Irian rushed in and swung her hand with a light *whack*.

*Whack!*

“Cough.”
“Heh. That was satisfying.”

Wha, what the hell is going on?
Irian is definitely a beautiful girl, but why do I feel so dirty…?

As I trembled with self-loathing and humiliation from the depths of my heart, Irian was strutting around with her nose in the air. Damn it.
I quickly swung my hand at her smug, annoying face, but she dodged it again with light movements.

“Tsk tsk. Slow, slow.”

Wow, she’s so annoying.

I could see that she was deliberately dodging just barely, but it also made me think I could actually get her, so I aimed for her butt a few more times, but all I got was Irian’s sneer.

“Hey, Yurian. What good is a guy who’s so weak? Huh?”
“Tsk. You’re too childish, I can’t play with you.”

Damn it. I guess I can’t beat her when it comes to physical stuff.
I turned around, spouting a line of mental victory to piss her off, but then I felt a presence quickly approach and *whack*, my butt was hit, and she moved away.

“……”

That’s infuriating.

The more you react in these situations, the more fun it gets. I glanced at her nonchalantly and started walking, and then her presence got closer again.

This is it.

I activated a buff to enhance my agility, quickly turned around, and swung my hand.

“Cough!?”
“What are you doing?”

Sh, shit, her armor. That really hurt.
Because of Irian’s reflexive movement, I ended up hitting her armor instead. As I was holding my hand and trembling, she naturally came over and patted my butt.

“Give up. It’ll be easier.”

Opening!

“Oh my. You even used a buff.”
“……”

Is this girl actually pretending to be an idiot? Does her intelligence suddenly increase only when she’s teasing me?
I really gave up and started walking. She hit my butt a few more times, but when I didn’t react, she seemed to lose interest and came to my side.

“Did you really give up?”
“The word ‘give up’ doesn’t exist in my dictionary.”
“Oh. That’s kind of cool, that saying.”

Was it originally, ‘impossible’ doesn’t exist in my dictionary? Well, I don’t even know the source, so what does the original matter? It’s said to be something Napoleon said, or maybe it’s a misquote.

Come to think of it, I should have memorized some famous quotes. I could have been remembered as the person who left all sorts of famous sayings in this world. What a waste.

“But isn’t that dictionary defective?”
“Tsk. Don’t nitpick over trivial things.”

Do you think I’d give up that easily? A gentleman’s revenge is never too late, and this is all a build-up for my future revenge. You naive girl.
The city itself wasn’t that big, and as a city that lived off of tourists, all sorts of shops were clustered together in the commercial district. It’s easy to find a clothing store. I went into the store with the most plausible exterior first.

“Welcome! Oh my~ you’re such handsome people.”

Hmm. A plump middle-aged woman.
…Should I go to another store?

“We’re looking for clothes that are good for traveling. Something comfortable, durable, and in dark colors.”
“We have a lot of those. Would you like me to show you some of the things that travelers often look for?”
“Please do.”

The items themselves aren’t bad. While looking around, I subtly asked Irian.

“Your armor isn’t uncomfortable, is it?”
“Hmm? Not at all. I’m used to it, so it’s fine.”
“No, it must be uncomfortable. It might be okay now, but if you travel for a long time, it’ll definitely be uncomfortable. Let’s buy you some comfortable clothes too.”
“No thanks. I won’t wear them.”
“Don’t be like that, why don’t you pick out a few?”
“I’ll buy my own when I want to.”

While we were bickering, I subtly gave a look to the shopkeeper, and like the skilled merchant she was, she quickly went to Irian and started coaxing her. With both of us singing ‘buy it~ buy it~’ next to her, she got annoyed and eventually nodded her head, saying she understood.
At first, I diligently picked out clothes for her. I picked out comfortable clothes for men and told her to try them on, but of course, she refused.

“You’ll need to get it tailored to fit your body. It’ll be a pain to come back later, so try it on.”
“I said no.”
“Ah, come on. Diana’s waiting, are you going to keep doing this?”
“……”

I followed her as she reluctantly took the clothes and headed to the changing room. I knew big stores were good. They even have changing rooms.

“Why are you following me?”
“It’s hard to take off your armor. I’m here to help.”
“I’ll do it myself.”
“No, no. It’s no trouble at all, so don’t worry. Come on, let’s take off your armor~”
“I said I’ll do it myself! Why are you being like this when I said I’ll do it myself!”
“Hey. Diana’s waiting if you dawdle. Let’s hurry.”

Heh.

It’s going according to plan. I grinned like a god of a new world, and Irian was shocked and pushed me away.

“Get out! I said I’ll do it myself!”

…Damn it. I couldn’t resist her strength.
I heard the sound of ‘clanking’ from inside for a while, and then she came out, having changed into the clothes she had just received.
Tsk, divine magic is so annoying today. If it weren’t for magic, it would have been hard to put on and take off that armor by herself.

But my aim isn’t just this much. I need to move on to the next stage.

“It looks like you can just wear it like that?”
“Where?”

I pretended to check her out and touched her body, and Irian’s face turned the same color as her hair. Red hair, red eyes, and a red face. She’s not a communist.

“Okay. I feel bad, so stay away.”
“Do you think I feel good? Stay still. We need to tailor the clothes to fit Diana.”
“Why are you doing it to me!”
“You’re the closest in height. I’m too big. You’re smaller than Diana, but your body shape is similar. Ah, but your chest is completely different.”
“……”

Oh, she’s gritting her teeth? So, even though she’s a girl, she’s still bothered by having a small chest. Don’t worry, Irian. I know your chest is great.
I saw it in the illustrations. And I confirmed it enough when I touched her last time when I was helping her.

“Was Diana this size? Hmm. It’s difficult. Diana is taller~ and slimmer~ and her chest is muuuuch~ bigger.”
“Can you just shut up and do it?”
“Yes, yes.”

I deliberately looked at Irian from a distance, drew lines with my hands, and tried to imitate what I saw at a fashion show. I have no idea.
Of course, I know our Diana’s body shape well without doing this. I can picture it with my eyes closed. This is just an excuse to touch Irian. I pretended to be a designer I saw on TV and approached her.
Then, I touched Irian’s body, which was flushed red, starting from her extremities. Her hands, wrists, arms, shoulders, and then her face.
Our faces were close, and our eyes met.

Her breath was quick. Irian, who quickly turned her flushed face away, was definitely cute. Is this really a disguise? With this level of cuteness, isn’t she obviously a girl?
It’s not like covering your eyes and pretending you don’t see, should I just reveal that I know she’s a girl? Diana, the saintess, is keeping her purity, but Irian doesn’t have anything like that… Ahem.
As I was trying to suppress my dark inner desires, Irian shouted.

“Qu, quickly finish!”
“Wait. It’s Diana’s clothes, so I have to make sure they fit perfectly.”

Not yet, Irian. Give up.
I moved my hands, which were rubbing her shoulders, to her arms again. Judging by her expression, if I moved to a more sensitive area, she wouldn’t be able to hold back and would run away.

She’s already so embarrassed, I should take it slow, right?
Of course, taking it slow doesn’t mean just touching her hands. I slightly lifted her arm and touched her upper arm.
Surprisingly, this area is quite sensitive and embarrassing. As I was touching her soft upper arm, I noticed her armpit.
Her fair and white skin. Her armpit, clean without a single hair like a heroine, was slightly sweaty, probably due to the tension.

‘……Haa, haa.’

I can’t resist this.
I pretended to accidentally touch her armpit, and she flinched. Her reaction is fun.

“Why, why do you keep touching my arm! It’s done now!”
“Hey. Not yet. The arm is done. Now, the body.”
“Kya!”

The moment I touched her slender stomach, she reacted like a cat having a seizure and ran away. What a shame.

“Irian. If you run away, Diana’s clothes might not fit.”
“I’ll come back to get them tailored again! Just buy them!”

You won’t need to come back. I know our Diana and Carsilla’s body shapes perfectly. I’ve been touching them every day when I bathe them, I’m not so dense that I wouldn’t know.

“This side of the clothes, tailor it to this size. And this side to this size. Where do you sell underwear?”
“That’s over there~ to the side. You can go while we’re tailoring.”

Since I was buying, I bought some for myself and Carsilla too. I told the shopkeeper the sizes for each of us and said I’d look around other stores while they were being tailored, and then Irian started yelling.

“Hey, hey! Wait! I need to put my armor back on!”
“Just come. Let’s go comfortably.”

I stopped her from putting on her armor, but she ended up carrying it on her back.

“It’s enchanted so you won’t lose it, why are you so insistent on carrying it? You could have left it here and picked it up when you get your clothes.”
“Armor is like a knight’s other self.”
“Isn’t that a weapon?”
“Armor too.”

Hmm.
Looking at Irian, who was answering confidently, was a sight to behold.
In front of her was a large bundle she had just bought from the store. It was bulging with her armor, and she was stubbornly holding it. And on her back was a large backpack.

…Is this an opportunity?

I approached her, pretending to help, and touched Irian’s butt.

“Yo, you crazy bastard! What are you doing in front of people!”
“Ooh, nice and firm.”
“Le, let go!”

It’s cute how she’s struggling with the bundle of armor in her hands. Then, she ended up hitting me with the bundle of armor. Wow, I almost flew away.

“Isn’t that too much? What are you doing swinging that hard thing around?”
“It’s your fault.”

We bickered and entered the underwear store, and then I saw some familiar-looking panties.

“Hey, hey. Those are the same as the ones you used to wear.”
“……”

Her blush, which had calmed down a bit, suddenly rose, and Irian’s face turned red as if it would explode. I ignored it and picked out underwear for Diana and Carsilla, and then I looked at the men’s underwear and asked Irian.

“Irian. You’re going to buy underwear too, right?”
“…I’ll buy my own.”

She’s so wary, she’s like a cat.