Chapter 55 – 54 – Cross-Dressing, Cross-Dressing (1)

What is life? The reason for living might be less significant than we think.

  Why is it that in history, there are cases like this? Cases where people are respected even after taking their own lives. For example, a commander of a sinking ship who shares his fate with the vessel. Or a commander who fights to the end in a losing battle and takes his own life.

  Those who take their own lives to protect their honor move many people and are praised. So… suicide for honor might not be entirely bad, right?

  ‘…Should I commit suicide?’

  As I stare blankly at the sky, all sorts of thoughts come to mind. Damn it. Damn it.
  I showed Diana, Irian, and Karsilla my nocturnal emission. It’s so… so unfair. This is all because of Lilith! But I can’t exactly say that I was all lovey-dovey with Lilith in my dream and had a wild romp.

  ……Honestly, it’s not all Lilith’s fault. If I think about it, my own stupidity for easily succumbing to temptation is also a problem. Yeah. What excuses can I make? It’s all my fault for being so immoral.

  I told the worried group that I would go wash up and wandered aimlessly until I found this hill. As I climbed the hill and stared blankly at the sky, the phrase ‘the impermanence of life’ came to mind.
  Should I become a Taoist sage in this world? Should I create my own sect with the principles of Wu Wei and the highest good is like water? Who would listen to the words of a nocturnal emission guy?

  ‘Will I die if I bite my tongue?’

  I tried biting it lightly.
  …This doesn’t seem like the way to go.

  Being caught by Diana… well, it’s embarrassing, but it would be okay if only Diana saw it. We’ve been so open with each other since we were little, so I guess I can show her a nocturnal emission.

  Irian? Hmm. Like Diana, we’ve been together since childhood, but… it’s more embarrassing since I had an intimate conversation with him recently. Still, Irian is okay too.

  …But. But to show such a terrible sight to Karsilla! How shocked must that little child have been? I remember Karsilla’s face when I turned around just before leaving the tent.

  Her hair antenna waving around as she kept asking what a nocturnal emission was. ……*sniff*. I’m sorry, Karsilla. Daddy can’t bring himself to say it. I just hope Diana and Irian explained it properly.

  ‘Surely she won’t say she hates Daddy now… right?’

  If my daughter gives me a look of contempt, this father’s heart will… my heart!

  “Yurian. Are you okay?”
  “…Diana? What about Karsilla?”
  “I explained it well. Sir Ian is putting her to sleep, so don’t worry too much.”
  “……Thank you. You’re the only one, Diana.”

  As I said this gloomily, she hugged me tightly. The soft feeling of Diana’s chest made me feel a little better.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yurian.”
  “……? What for?”
  “It’s my fault. I’m sorry.”

  What is she talking about? Why is my nocturnal emission her fault?

  “Th-the… the food…”
  “Food?”
  “U-uh. Yes. The, the food I packed… it seems like it had things that are good for… virility.”
  “Really?”

  That explains it. I’ve been feeling unusually horny lately.
  To blame herself for something like that, Diana really is an angel. Is there anyone as kind as her in the world? She’s even blaming herself for something trivial just to comfort me.

  “It’s okay. It’s just food that’s good for the body.”
  “……Uh-huh. Right?”
  “Of course. Thank you, Diana.”

  She has a hesitant expression. Why is that?
  After Diana comforted me for a while and left, I sat on the hill for a bit, and my mind calmed down. …Well. Our kind Karsilla will understand. Diana and Irian must have explained it well.

  Should I go back now?
  As I dusted off my bottom and tried to get up, I sensed a small presence approaching. When I turned around, I saw Irian hesitantly coming towards me.

  “What is it? I thought you were sleeping?”
  “……I-I came to apologize.”
  “Apologize? To me?”
  “……Yeah. Sorry.”

  What’s going on? Diana too, and now Irian. Why are they apologizing to me?
  Was there something I did that warrants an apology from these two? …No matter how much I think about it, I can’t think of anything.

  Irian’s expression was so serious that I thought about it again, but still, nothing came to mind. If anything, I should be the one apologizing, what does Irian have to apologize to me for?
  He was looking so guilty that he hesitated for a moment before carefully opening his mouth.

  “Th-that… I, I was the only one satisfied… th-that’s why, right? I was the only one who came, and you didn’t. So… is that why? Sorry.”

  ……What the hell is he talking about?
  After listening to Irian’s words and thinking carefully, I realized he was talking about what happened at the temple. So. Irian was very satisfied with my caresses at the temple, but when it was my turn, I didn’t get to come properly, so he thinks I’m frustrated?

  ……Huh? That’s right! Come to think of it, I didn’t come! Irian kept coming, and when I was about to enjoy myself, Diana came, so I was too busy tidying up in a hurry.

  ‘That’s a shame. The atmosphere was good.’

  Thinking back to that time, Irian’s lewd expression overlaps in my mind. He was so cute.
  Well, that’s that. But the fact that it’s mostly my fault for being played by Lilith is still undeniable.

  More than anything, I don’t see any reason for Irian to apologize for what happened back then. It was just bad timing, it wasn’t anyone’s fault.

  “Yurian? I, I said I’m sorry.”

  I was too embarrassed to accept his apology, so I just stood there, and he apologized again with a strangely flushed face. As I stared at his cute face with a blush, it suddenly occurred to me that… I could use this.

  “Really? You’re saying sorry, so whatever.”
  “……I’m really sorry! What can I do to make you feel better!”
  “I’m fine.”
  “Oh, come on! What do you want me to do!”

  Hmm hmm. He should realize it himself by now, he’s so dense.
  I deliberately kept a sulky expression and just stared at Irian, and his face, which had been looking frustrated, started to change little by little.

  “……I-I’ll, I’ll do it.”
  “Do what?”
  “I, I’ll take care of it!”
  “Hmm. How?”

  His face was bright red. His tightly clenched fists were trembling, whether from anger or embarrassment.

  “I-I’ll, I’ll take it out!!”
  “Okay.”
  “……!?”
  “I’d like that.”
  “Y-you weren’t… angry?”
  “I said I wasn’t, why do you keep asking?”

  When I gave him a smirk, his red face turned pale in an instant.

  “Not right now, but please take care of me next time?”
  “…….”
  “Surely Sir Irian wouldn’t go back on his word. No way, right? Right~?”
  “O-of course not. I’ll… I’ll do it.”
  “Of course, secretly from Diana. You know?”
  “……Yeah.”

  I took Irian, who was following me with a gloomy expression, back to the tent, and it seemed like Karsilla had fallen asleep. …That’s a relief.

  “Did you two come together?”
  “Yeah. We met in front.”
  “Hmph. Go to sleep quickly.”

  When I opened my eyes in the morning, I was the only one in the tent. I wondered where everyone had gone, but they had all woken up early and were preparing breakfast. …Why are they so diligent?

  Irian was the type who barely slept, so that was understandable. But Karsilla, who I had to wake up every time and would get caught sleeping in my room, and Diana, the lazybones who wouldn’t get out of bed until I woke her up and washed her every morning.

  I wish they were like this at the temple. Since we started traveling, the sleepyheads Diana and Karsilla have become strangely diligent.

  “Good morning.”

  After greeting Diana and Irian, I couldn’t see Karsilla. Where did she go?
  As I was looking around, I saw Karsilla running towards me. But what is that in her hand? Karsilla, who had run right up to me, looked around and suddenly handed me something.

  “Huh? What’s this? Are you giving it to Daddy?”
  “Yeah!”
  “Thank you even though I don’t know wha… K-Karsilla. What is this?”
  “Shhh. Panties.”
  “……N-no, I know that, but why…?”

  I was frustrated as I looked at Karsilla’s eyes, which seemed to be asking why I was asking when I already knew. What did they teach her?

  “Ah. This too.”
  “…What’s this now?”
  “My panties.”
  “I don’t need them!”

  * * *

  It was the last night we were camping before reaching the city.
  Should I contact Cha Hyewon after a long time and brag about what I got?

  ▶ Dungeon cleared
  ▷ Did you get anything good?
  ▶ Yeah, of course
  ▷ What is it?

  I told her about the items I got to make her jealous, but the translucent cursor in front of me just blinked and didn’t move. Is she speechless with envy?

  ▷ But you’re in big trouble

  Look at her changing the subject. She still has a long way to go.

  ▶ Why? Did you get better items than me?
  ▷ No, seriously
  ▷ The temple is looking for your group
  ▶ ?? Bullshit
  ▷ It’s true lol. They’re in an uproar because the Saintess disappeared
  ▷ I just got an urgent message, so the news probably hasn’t reached you yet
  ▷ Be careful
  ▶ Thanks, thanks

  Ah. That’s possible.
  I was supposed to go to the Empire with the magistrate Cha Hyewon’s group to remove my ‘Undead Archduke’ debuff, but I disappeared halfway, so the temple must be in an uproar about where the Saintess went.

  But to issue a wanted notice. That’s unexpected?
  Considering the temple’s network that’s spread all over, this is not something to take lightly. Especially since our group has such distinct features, it would be easy to recognize us.

  ▶ I’m tired. Make some IDs for me and my kids
  ▷ Okay
  ▷ I’ll make them when we meet
  ▶ Can’t you do it now?
  ▷ Of course not, I need your IDs
  ▶ Sigh… Okay. See you at the Magic Tower
  ▷ How long will it take?
  ▶ About two weeks?
  ▷ Got it

  After finishing the whisper, I realized that this wasn’t the time for this. Instead of lazing around in the tent, I should quickly tell the kids and get them to disguise themselves. …What should I say?

  If I suddenly tell them to disguise themselves, they won’t agree. But if I tell them that the temple has issued a wanted notice, they’ll ask how I know, and I won’t have an answer. Still, I can’t enter the city like this.

  Once our location is identified, the temple’s fierce pursuit will follow, and it will be very, very tiring to avoid them. It’s not like it’s dangerous if we get caught… but I’ll probably be dragged to that boring and tedious place. I have quests to do, I can’t just stay there.

  “Hey guys. Gather around for a moment.”

  The four of us were crammed into the small tent, it was so cramped. Even when we slept, Karsilla, who was still a child, would end up half on top of me.

  “How long has it been since we left Grampo?”
  “About a week…?”

  It’s been a week, just like Diana said as she tilted her head. Considering the transportation and communication of the Middle Ages, the temple group that left Grampo wouldn’t have arrived in Hespote yet, but considering magic, the information that the Saintess went with the Empire’s magistrate group must have already been delivered.