Chapter 66 – Diana (3)

That look brought back a memory from the past. A few years ago, Diana had worn a similar expression.

“Diana.”

Perhaps it was because of that memory, but my voice came out heavier than I intended. Diana flinched at my cold tone, her face quickly turning pale. Her lips trembled pitifully as she barely managed to speak in a weak voice.

“Yu, Yurian. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yurian. It’s… not that I’m je, jealous… I’m sorry. Okay? Don’t abandon me. You won’t abandon Diana, right?”

…So she hadn’t forgotten that memory. Well, it was an unforgettable one. With a heavy heart, I carefully pulled Diana into a hug and patted her gently.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Diana. Why would I abandon you? I’ll never abandon you, so don’t worry.”
“Re, really? You really won’t abandon Diana? Is Diana the best?”
“Of course. Diana is the best. Always.”

* * *

It was fifteen years ago.
After being possessed into this strange game world, I had joined the Order through the Saintess Diana, who happened to be by my side amidst the chaos. At least, I no longer had to worry about starving to death. It was around the time I had mostly adapted to this world.

I had accepted Diana’s claim that since I was seven, Yurian must also be seven, and I had unintentionally lived as a seven-year-old for a year.

Now eight years old, I was consumed by anxiety.
After the initial panic and worries about survival when I first arrived in this world, confidence had taken their place.

A game world, and I had become the character I had customized. I had poured in all sorts of good perks, creating a character with great traits and overflowing potential. High potential and rapid growth were guaranteed, and I even had a stable and efficient growth environment in the Central Temple, as well as Diana and Irian, the main heroine and top-tier recruitment candidates.

It would be a lie to say I didn’t dream of a rosy future. Of course, there would be hardships and trials, but I believed I could overcome them with my knowledge of the game.

However, a year was enough time for my confidence to fade. Anxiety and loneliness had taken its place.

‘Why? Why are there no quests? When is this damn body going to grow?’

Tiny, adorable hands. A quest window that remained locked and unchanged.
The past year had only shifted from panic to confidence, and then from confidence to anxiety. Nothing had changed. The quest window was still unchanged, and my body was still growing slowly. How was I supposed to clear quests like this? No, the quests themselves were locked, so what was I even supposed to do?

Hardships? Crises?
I would rather face hardships and crises so I could at least steel my resolve, but there were no clues. I was simply adrift in this game world, with no leads.

‘Am I supposed to live here forever? Is this a joke?’

Anxiety and frustration weighed heavily on my chest. As time passed, the weight of my solitary worries, which I couldn’t share with anyone, seemed to crush my entire body.

Was a secret that I couldn’t confide in anyone this suffocating? I wished there was someone, anyone, I could talk to and share my feelings with.

No… If only a quest would appear and tell me what I was supposed to do, what my purpose was in this world, I wouldn’t feel this frustrated. What am I even here for?

I felt like I was going crazy from the frustration of not being able to grasp any leads and being left to suffer alone, like I was adrift in a vast ocean.

“Yurian. What are you doing here?”

A cheerful voice cut through my thoughts as I sat leaning against the wall, clutching my head.
Diana, with her usual bright smile, came running towards me.

The Saintess.
The heroine.
A healer and buffer.
A kind character who got along well with almost any companion.
The top recruitment priority.
Personally, my favorite NPC from the illustrations.

And the first being I saw when I opened my eyes in this game world. Thanks to this little girl, I didn’t have to worry about becoming a beggar and starving to death from the start.

“Ta-da! I found Yurian!”

She had run up to me with her hands behind her back and was now smiling brightly, her face adorable. …That’s how I would have felt normally. But today, my head was pounding. Frustration, anxiety, and loneliness seemed to be crushing me.

“I’m complicated, so go play by yourself today.”
“Complicated? What’s complicated? Ah. Did you get scolded again for not memorizing the scriptures, Yurian?”

She squatted next to me, chattering away, which was irritating. Usually, I found her adorable, but now I was just annoyed. I really didn’t have any room in my heart.

Ha… Right. What would an NPC know? They seemed so alive, talking and acting like real people, but they were just game characters.

What if I told her that this was a game world, and I had been dragged into it? She would probably ask, “Yurian~ What’s a game? What’s a computer? Character, customization, quest…” Blah blah, would I explain all that?

If I didn’t explain, she wouldn’t understand why I was struggling so much. But if I explained everything and then whined about how hard it was, I would just be pathetic. How lonely would I have to be to seek comfort from an NPC by talking about reality and games?

No, would she even believe me in the first place? …I don’t know. It’s something I can’t explain anyway, so I’ll just let her talk. I’m grateful for her help.

Watching her little lips chatter endlessly, I was reminded that I was lucky to have met this little girl first in this game world.

I didn’t know why she was so attached to me, but thanks to her, I didn’t have to worry about begging on the streets and starving to death. I could have these complicated thoughts because I had enough to eat. If I were starving to death, I wouldn’t be thinking about quests or anything else.

It was all thanks to this little girl who insisted on staying with me, and even after being recognized as a Saintess by the Order, she cried and threw a fit to stay with me. That’s how I became a ‘Guardian,’ a nominal position as a close aide to the Saintess. Was she my benefactor in a way?

“—Are you listening? Geez, Yurian is always spacing out. So, I’ll tell you. I memorized it all because I’m smart! Aren’t you grateful?”
“Yeah, I’m grateful.”
“Hehe. Then let’s go study. I’ll help you so it won’t be hard for you, Yurian.”
“I’m grateful for the thought, but go by yourself. I need to think.”
“Huh? What are you thinking about? Tell me too, Diana.”
“Later. Go play by yourself today.”
“Aww~ No! I want to play with Yurian.”

Why was she so clingy? It was annoying.
I couldn’t bring myself to get angry at the little girl who was staring at me with her bright eyes, so I just ignored her. I was already so complicated, and her constant chatter was driving me crazy.

“But Yurian needs to study. You can’t memorize the scriptures. Should I read them for you?”

What? Scriptures? What scriptures? What kind of scriptures would a program made of 0s and 1s have? NPCs created by human hands talking about the creation of the world and gods. It was ridiculous. If there really was a god, would they feel this way when looking at humans? I could only scoff at the absurdity.

“Huh? You don’t like studying the scriptures? Hmm~ Then I’ll play with you in a fun way.”
“Later.”
“Yuriaaan~ Diana is bored. Let’s do that thing we did last time. Okay?”
“Go away. Don’t bother me.”
“Aww~ Diana is bored~”

…Annoying. She should know when to stop clinging. Was she really that oblivious? But she was the most important shield here, so I couldn’t just curse at her. Ha, damn it. I was reduced to having to read the room of a mere NPC. Can’t I just start a new game?

“Be quiet and go away. Okay? Stop bothering me.”

I snapped at her, and she immediately quieted down. I wondered if I had been too harsh, but then I thought, would she even be hurt by something like that? But then I worried that she might be hurt since she was still a child. …Ah, why do I have to care so much about this little girl?

This game world, and the fact that I had to read the room of a little girl who was just an NPC, was annoying. I was frustrated and annoyed to the point of going crazy.

“…Yurian too. Will you abandon Diana?”
“What?”

I thought she had quieted down, but what was this nonsense now? I glanced at the little girl squatting next to me, and she was just staring at the ground. Usually, she would be desperate to make eye contact, like a puppy trying to catch its owner’s attention.

Was she angry because I kept ignoring her? Or was she hurt by what I said earlier?
…Who cares? What could she do even if she was sulking? She would get over it.

“You don’t like Diana anymore, right? Yurian will abandon Diana too, right?”

Her voice was low, unlike a child’s. Yurian too? What was with this little girl acting like a tragic heroine? If she were a little older, I would have thought she was a woman who had been dumped.

“Diana… Will you abandon me?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, really. What’s wrong with you?”

I was already so troubled, and now she was acting like this. I was sick of playing babysitter. I had been treating her well, thinking of her illustration, but after living here for a year, I realized something. It would take another 10 years for this little girl to grow up like her illustration.

Ten years.
Ten years was a long time. Was I supposed to stay here for 10 years? Was I supposed to live here for 10 years without knowing why or what my purpose was?

I didn’t need a heroine or anything else. I just wanted to get out of this damn world. How long was I supposed to be trapped here? Why was the quest window locked? Why wasn’t anything appearing? What was I, the player, supposed to do?

“Like my mom and dad… Yurian will abandon Diana too.”

Huh? Did she have memories of her parents?
I thought she didn’t have any memories of her parents since she was an orphan. But then again, just because someone was an orphan didn’t mean they didn’t have memories of their parents. Judging by her words… was she abandoned?

“I won’t abandon you.”
“Liar. My mom and dad said that too, and then they abandoned Diana.”

Tsk, annoying. I couldn’t snap at a kid who had been abandoned by her parents. I was sick of playing babysitter.

“It seems like you weren’t their top priority.”
“Top priority?”
“Yeah. It seems like they had something more important than you.”
“Then what about Yurian?”
“You’re the most important to me, so I won’t abandon you. Okay?”
“……Okay. If Diana is the top priority, then you won’t abandon me.”

She was talking nonsense. It was annoying, but I felt sorry for her, so I gave her the answer she wanted. It was amazing how quickly kids’ moods changed. She was depressed one moment and cheerful the next.

“Is Diana the best for Yurian?”
“Yeah. You’re the best.”
“I see. Then you won’t abandon me, right?”
“That’s right. Stop asking. I won’t abandon you. I’ll never abandon you.”
“Hehe. Okay.”

She was subtly clinging to me, and I was about to tell her to move away, but I just let it go. Ah, it was hot. Why was she sitting so close? Wasn’t she hot? My shoulders and arms were getting sweaty.

“Okay. Yurian won’t abandon Diana. Hehe.”

She was drawing on the dirt with a pebble, muttering to herself. It was a little sad. How bored must she be to play like that? …Ha, my head hurts. It was a problem with no answer anyway. I felt sorry, so should I just play with her?

“Hey. Let’s go play.”
“Huh? With Diana?”
“Well, who else would it be?”
“Yay~ I like Yurian so much.”
“Ah, okay, so move away. I’m dying of heat.”