Chapter 122 – Craggy Stormy Vacation (4)

0.

Mid-December, the year Pastor and I were sixteen.
Sitting on a bench on a mountain behind the orphanage on a snowy night, I looked down at Pastor, who was looking down at the moonlit neighborhood that was lit like the night sky, and said,

“I will go to the academy when I turn 17.”

It took a lot of courage to say that at the time.
Going to the academy means living in the dormitory that belongs to the academy, and if that happens, Pastor and I won’t see each other for three years until graduation.
No, after that, in order to acquire the vision of the Leight family, he had to train for three more years at the mansion of the head family, so he spent a total of six years without seeing them.
6 years. Enough time for a person to forget a person. It felt even longer to me, who was only sixteen.
The thought of not seeing Pastor for such a long time made his heart quiver uneasy and his stomach ache.
The instinctive rejection caused abnormalities in the body.

“If you go to the academy, you won’t be able to visit the orphanage for three years until you graduate. Can’t get out If anything happens to the children of the famous family, the academy will have to take full responsibility for it, so that’s what I’m afraid of. Especially when it comes to the Leight family’s Scar Leit.”

It wasn’t long before I realized that I was deeply in love with Pastor.
After puberty, when the grown boy began to look like a man, his chest beat with a different feeling than usual.
When she asked her mother for help because she was afraid that she might be sick with the rising emotions and Paster’s face that came to mind even when she closed her eyes, her mother just smiled and told her that it was love.

And a woman who depends on a man will be abandoned, so she added that she should become a woman that a man can depend on.

Her mother’s teachings to hold on to her father in her own convictions left a deep impression on me as a child.
I always wanted to be a woman like my mother, and she wanted to be such a cool woman and make Pastor dependent on me.
That’s why I said I was leaving.
If Pastor was dependent on me, he would definitely react negatively in some way.
Again, I was young then. It was a time when I was much more proud than I am now, and even half-admitted that I was in love with Paster.
To the point where even nonsensical thoughts like ‘If Pastor doesn’t catch me, I’ll just throw it away.’ Came into my head.

Of course, I was able to think that way because I was sure Paster would catch it.
Thinking about it now, it was definitely an unfounded composure that came from conceit, but at the time I firmly believed that it would be.

What if Pastor catches me crying and making a fuss? Should I tell my mother to put pressure on the academy with her family power? Well, if Pastor said he would stay by my side for the rest of my life, I could do that much. Future Husband… Ugh, anyway, I can give someone like that an academy entrance!

Without hearing an answer, assuming that Paster was crying and making a fuss, I was thinking about how to make fun of him. After hearing my words, Pastor’s mouth, which had been closed for a while, opened.

“Okay? Congratulations ska I will also go to work next year.”
“······What?”

The plain words that came out of Pastor’s mouth completely shattered my faith.
Even though I was told I was going to the academy, even though I was told I wouldn’t see him for three years, Pastor seemed unconcerned.
As if I don’t feel any regret from parting with me.
The six years between meeting them when they were 10 and ending when they were 16 were definitely not short.
No, it was enough years to say it was long. Especially since I was young back then.
So, at Pastor’s reply, who seemed to have no feelings for the breakup even though he had lived with me for such a long time, I was taken aback to an unprecedented extent.

If you think about it now, Pastor must have been filled with the thought of leaving the orphanage and going out into society, so he must not have paid attention to my words about going to a place where only children can enter, and the children of the prestigious academy. Because the option of going to school wouldn’t have existed in front of Paster in the first place.

But at the time, I wasn’t thoughtful enough to understand that.
In fact, even a week ago, when I said that I would go back to that time and face the same situation, it was clear that I would go on a rampage and get angry with Pastor.

However, after having virgin virginity exchange sex with Pastor, kissing Bud but anyway, hearing that he would like it from now on, and finding out that Scar was a fairy and taking away the place of a dog, now I am clearly compared to a week ago. Had grown up To the extent that I feel it myself.

If I were to go back to that time, I would have made it my own slowly, hugging Pastor and being considerate of his position and mind.

But there are no ifs in history. The sixteen-year-old me was made up of impulses, instincts, pride, strange love, and anger.
The embarrassment caused by Pastor’s unexpected answer soon turned into a passionate question, “I can’t meet you, so it’s okay?”

“The director has been sighing a lot lately. It’s always been like that, but it seems that the situation in the orphanage is getting dangerous. The world is a difficult world, so the subsidy is gradually decreasing. So, I, the eldest brother, should quickly go out and help.”

Is it just because of that? Are you saying you want to break up with me for such a trivial reason? You can ask me You can rely on it. The situation at the orphanage is difficult, so you can just ask for help. If you depend on me, I can do anything. But why are you making such a foolish choice?

My head was full of questions, and Pastor’s mature and eccentric words felt nothing more than irritating folly.

Pastor, even if you go out into society, you’re just an ordinary person from an orphanage with no skills. He was also an incompetent 17-year-old with no career or experience. Who would write such a tease? Even if you write it, how much do you think you will receive?

Pastor’s money was minuscule at best.
At that time, I could never accept that he decided to break up with me because of that kind of petty money.
Just when I was trying to cover up my love affair with Pastor somehow with my pride, thinking, ‘Is that pittance more important than me?’, His last words put a wedge in my feelings.

“From next year, I will go out to society, and Scar, you will go out into the wider world. You said it was 3 years, but in fact, I probably won’t see you again after that. Because you and I are different from the world we live in in the first place.”
“······Uh? Why why?”
“Well, isn’t it normal to enter a guild after graduating from the academy? If it were you, you would immediately enter a huge guild like Extramus and smash through numerous dungeons and gates to be promoted as a hero. It’s a bit strange to meet such a person and me, who is nothing but from an orphanage, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but there are times when we met.”
“Scar, it’s only been six years. We have much more time left than those six years. Thank you for saying that because of me, but I also say it because of you. There’s nothing good about you hanging out with someone like me. There is a saying that egrets should not go where crows play. Originally, people meet each other.”
“…”

There was no hesitation in Pastor’s words and eyes as he talked about the reason he had to break up with me.
He firmly believed that he was right, and the weight of the six years I had with him and the six years he had with me was incomparably different.

“So, Scar, you shouldn’t be attached to a guy like me. It was a relationship that started as a volunteer activity in the first place, right?. The Leight family’s image management is the root of our relationship. Right?”

As Pastor continued to speak, it felt as if his head was getting messed up.
I didn’t want to hear any more. I didn’t want our relationship to be denied by Pastor’s mouth. I just didn’t want to be in a blurry relationship where we only met for 6 years and didn’t really contact each other.

“Scar, I live as I am and you live as you are. I mean, according to each other’s class. Do you have a saying like that? Because a Pastor has a Pastor’s life…”
“I want to go.”
“What?”

I left Paster behind and ran down the back mountain.
As I reflected on his words that our relationship had ended, I had no choice but to fully admit my feelings.
I love pasta You can’t do without pasta. I hate and cannot imagine a life without Pastor by my side. Pastor is already part of my life, and he must feel me as his own.
That much, I love Paster.

“Mother, I have a request. If you don’t listen, I will leave the Leight family.”

Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to open the door to my mother’s room without knocking and say something like a threat.

The next day, Pastor was qualified to take the academy entrance exam and passed the main exam on the same day through special screening.
And a week after Pastor joined the academy, his orphanage was demolished.
Along with a huge reward money that all the orphans can live happily for the rest of their lives.

Of course, all of this was done so that Pastor would not have to go back and not have any regrets.

2.

There is one reason why the events of the day come to mind.
It was because after Pastor was forcibly admitted to the academy, his eyes were still the same, different from when he was in the orphanage.
That night, I didn’t want to hear it, but Pastor’s words and eyes were definitely for me.
Because he thought of me as a precious friend, he was wary of not seeing the light of day by continuing to be with him.
Pastor’s eyes for me were more beautiful than the moon in the night sky, and that’s why he was able to threaten his esteemed mother that day.
However, after being forced into the academy, Pastor’s eyes changed, and his eyes toward me were just cloudy.

When I first saw those eyes, I had a gut feeling. The relationship with Pastor is no longer irreversible.

However, when I was young, my pride was stronger than it is now, and I pretended not to apologize to him.
So the emotional rift in our relationship that I forcibly connected deepened.
And now, it’s so deep and complex that it can’t be resolved with just an apology.

Because he knew that better than anyone else, because he knew better than Pastor, he had an intuition that Paster wouldn’t accept my apology, so he knew he had to apologize, but he gritted his teeth and refused.

“Just be honest. Even if you give an answer that you don’t understand, I’ll try to understand it, and regardless of the content of the answer, I’ll give you a cock. I can even give you love love sex if you want. I can kiss you and fuck you. So······.”

In the end, that too ended today.

“No, I will tell you. I’ll tell you, Paster, moo, stop thinking scary things.”

The words stopped, and I could tell through Paster’s eyes, which instantly became clear.
Pastor has now realized.
The truth about myself that I never wanted to know.

“Because I know that even if I apologize… They won’t accept it. No, because I know you will leave me if I apologize.”

Pastor had no intention of accepting my apology from the start.