Episode 177

I'm going to go crazy.

That was the honest feeling Lucerne felt these days. She really had no choice but to express herself that way.

Elisha's condition was not good. She couldn't remember the words she had said of her, or kept her mouth shut. Even if she did talk, she would even give erratic replies, one tempo later than usual.

Lucerne acted rather forcefully when interrogating Elisha. After making her see the terribly frightening memories over and over again in her dreams, replacing them with something else.

It was a method Lucerne had already used. She used the shadows to burrow into her psyche and erase the hellish memories from her life, like Jacob and Zayn.

If the object of fear is replaced in this way, the fear gradually diminishes, and her mental illness is cured, leaving only a few bad memories of Lucerne.

She has had frequent seizures and nightmares lately. So that was how I came up with it.

However, the interrogation failed and Elisha suffered a seizure along the way. It was the first time Elisha had seen her truly broken. That's what she saw as a shock to Lucerne.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry…….'

After that day, Lucerne felt like she would get burned just by touching Elisha. He couldn't even lay a hand on her.

Moreover, Elisha adamantly refused to call her doctor. At her words to call the doctor, her face turned white and her whole body trembled. But other than that, she was more demure and quiet than usual. She ate when served, and lay down when lying down.

'I tried to kill you because I loved you so much.'

She loves him But what is the problem? Elisha's body and mind were now his. No one in this world can take her away from her.

But Elisha was withering and dying. She seemed to have despaired of something in her, and she seemed to have given up hope now.

He realized that everyday life with Elisha had more meaning than he thought. She no longer burrowed into his arms when she lay in bed with him. She touched his clothes and she didn't even look up at him. Never again would she hold out her hand first.

“I don't know if I might like you.”

Lucerne said.

“What more do you want from me?”

Elisha asked.

“I don't know.”

Lucerne whispered.

“You said you loved me.”

“…… It was.”

“Now is?”

“Is that important?”

“Okay.”

Lucerne answered after a while. He seemed to have realized something between the lines.

Elisha smiled troubledly. It was a very faint smile.

“I don't know if you will believe……. I've known you for a very long time, and I've wanted you. Even before you knew I existed. Very long But you were forever out of reach for me.”

Elisha said calmly. She had been looking at him clearly for the first time in a long time.

“But, now.”

Elisha said softly.

“I realized. It means nothing.”

Elisha pointed to her own heart.

“There was a heart that wanted to kill you in this. But not now.”

“Why? Why can't you love me anymore?”

“I wanted to be equal between you and me. Like normal people, like real couples. I hoped that we would rely on each other and cherish each other. But now that I know it's impossible, I don't expect anything anymore.”

Alicia said she couldn't understand.

“Isn't that good for you, Lucerne? I have no desire to rebel against you any more. I will stay by your side until your heart expires.”

“Then what do you want to do now?”

Even after talking about it, Lucerne thought it was confusing. She said that Elisha was the one who made her unable to do anything. She was the one who took her future and all her hopes. But she's asking her now. No, in fact, the purpose of the question is fixed.

When and how are you going to love yourself again, that's what you're asking. He was now seeing what he had missed.

Elisha stared at him, and she replied calmly.

“It's the same. I should try to look good for you. It's up to you how mildly you treat me when you get tired of it.”

“Disposal?”

“Okay. When Jacob disposed of me, he tried to sell me to the window shop. If you get tired of my body, your attitude will change.”

Lucerne briefly sneered. The thought of Elisha falling from his side made him angry.

“Nonsense. Do you think you would watch another man lay a finger on you?”

Elisha seemed surprised by Lucerne's words. She looked at him for a moment and then averted his eyes with her quivering eyes. Lucerne grabbed Elisha's wrist.

“Seeing you say that, I'm doing great.”

Elisha slowly lowered her grip on her wrist.

“But essentially nothing has changed since I was under Jacob. Anyway, the tattoo on the nape of the neck is the same, and it's the same as being a dog on a leash.”

“…….”

“But this time, I'm grateful because it's a relatively rare pet dog treat.”

Said Elisha. It was then that Lucerne realized for the first time the enormity of her influence over him.

Perhaps she could really drive herself mad, she felt a feeling close to that ominous. Unfortunately, his intuition was always right.

*​ *​ *​

The Grand Pope's conservatory was beautiful. A small waterfall ran at the end of the greenhouse, and in front of it, unique herbs and flowers were in full bloom.

“Elisha! What a long time! I heard you're sick, are you okay?”

The great pope I hadn't seen in a long time, Rosaria, had a slightly haggard face. But her expression was full of life.

“Lucerne. She sent a letter of her regards to Elisha, but she didn't answer, so she was very worried.”

“I'm sorry, Lady Rosaria. I was very sick after visiting the duke's house, so I didn't have the energy to write a letter for a while.”

Said Elisha. She looked lethargic, but she took care of the situation well, even though she laughed helplessly. Lucerne stared at her with her burning eyes. Soon, his eyes moved away from her.

“Still, I am well enough to go out.”

“Ah, it's only natural to get hurt in a place like the duchy. I'm glad you're safe. Elisha. That Carola woman is a very nasty woman.”

Externally, the incident that happened in the duke's family was that Carola went crazy and had an affair with a man, and because of that, she was sentenced to a pension and committed suicide.

And as Elisha went through those events, she became sick in her heart due to her shock, and was treated as being in confinement and recuperating. Lucerne stared at the two indifferently.

“Wait a moment……. May I speak with Lady Rosaria?”

Elisha looked at her and asked. Lucerne nodded her head. It wouldn't change anything if Elisha cried out to Rosa Ria and revealed that she was imprisoned anyway.

The crush of those in power is always a crush. No matter how much Rosa Ria loves Elisha, she will not pretend to be with Lucerne, who put her in that position.

'Besides, she's not stupid enough to do such a thing, that woman.'

Lucerne had her head pounding. Lately, it was unclear where her relationship with Elisha was going. She really had it with the mindset that it wouldn't matter if it broke.

But she felt like she would go crazy even if the cracks were on her fingertips. He realized many things only when he saw the small cracks in Elisha appearing in her.

Elisha exchanged a few words with Rosaria from a few steps away. Then, her eyes became moist.

It was as if they were receiving some kind of comfort in a really short conversation. It was a lively expression after a long time.

*​ *​ *​

“What did you talk about?”

“I didn't say much. I just asked about her current situation and said that Rosaria-sama's decision was amazing.”

Elisha said quietly.

“What decision?”

“I read the newspaper in order, too. The fact that Saint Undine's coffin was to be unveiled to the public for the first time today.”

Lucerne briefly nodded his head.

The moment her saintess dies, tremendous holy power is condensed in her corpse. In her temple, the body of her saint is well preserved and placed in a special coffin woven with her magic stone. The coffin keeps the saint's corpse incorrupt for several years. If you open the coffin after that, great holy power comes out.

That holy power was the energy of blessing. When she receives holy power at close range, she is said to be with divine protection. The magical power of the magician becomes stronger, the healing power of the sick body increases, and things that cannot be measured. For example, it is said that good luck follows.

So, the opening ceremony of the coffin of a saint is a transaction item that is bid for a huge amount. In order to participate in the opening ceremony, nobles generously paid for the temple. And only the few who win at the end can observe the coffin opening ceremony.

So Rosaria's decision to open the coffin to the public free of charge must be a big one.

“Is there really such a thing as holy power dwelling in the body of a saintess?”

“I have.”

Lucerne spoke briefly.

“The injured are healed too.”

“Indeed, her saintly life continues to be money. I am very grateful that we can sit in the front row and watch the coffin opening ceremony.”

There was no logic in the imperial people's belief in the saintess. It was clear to her that those who sat in the front row would receive the most intense holy power. In the front row, only the highest-ranking dignitaries in the empire were gathered.

“Lady Rosaria said she invited the head of the household, but she hasn't arrived yet.”

“I will come.”

Lucerne spoke briefly. Elisha nodded her head. She said nonchalantly.

“Don't worry, I'll take good care of the head of household. Of course, you wouldn't even care if I were imprisoned.”

Elisha thought Lucerne was strange. He was still, looking at her behind the small waterfall in her greenhouse.

“Why?”

Lucerne was embarrassed that he felt joy. It's been a long time since she talked at length and said her words first……. It was good.

Lucerne had the idea that she might have to let her out at least once a month. Even if she didn't want to, she couldn't help it. Because she's in the best condition I've seen lately.

“How should I make you smile?”

Elisha blinked her eyes. She looked like she had been asked a really stupid question.

“You have to listen to what I want.”

“Most of your wishes are unpleasant to me.”

Lucerne spoke briefly.

“Right. What I want……. My lifelong wish is for the tattoo on the nape of my neck to disappear.”

Elisha said calmly and looked around the greenhouse.

“You have no reason to do that.”

Lucerne felt a fiery urge. She had the urge to hold her hand and look into her eyes.

“Why the hell are you like that?”

Elisha was staring blankly at him.

“What more can I do?”