Chapter 37 – 4.9 the Collapse of Faith, And…

Way down.
I move on in a daze.

Without even recognizing whether I was walking, crawling, or rolling.
That’s how I recall the mistakes I made today one by one.

Lunch hour.
I looked into Shinoshino’s panties.
And he even did that to the chairman and Shinoshino.

Break time after 5th period.
I saw most of the female students in the class wearing underwear.
At that time, I pretended to be indifferent, but just by saying the name, each person’s face, body size, and shape and color of underwear were clearly engraved on the retina to the extent that it was automatically associated.

6th period induction time.
I got involved with Akatsuki Hiyori-sensei and did that.
Nanami and Reikawa did the same thing in the bathroom they evacuated along the way.

…… Let’s admit it.
I’m no longer a pure pet.

If I were a pure caterpillar, it would be like bullshit saying that I was a virgin as long as my hymen was intact even if I lost all of my udders.

I got dirty.
Both body and mind became dirty.

“Nives. What’s going on?”
“…… Raddish?”

…… Okay.
This guy is also a problem.
This guy looks at my face as if it’s strange as I walk with my mouth shut.
These days, especially the guy who stirs me up.

Kurosaki Yuuki.
A guy with the same name as my friend, but with a female face.

No. It’s not just the face.
Chest, butt, waist, legs.
Eyes, nose, and mouth.
The chin, neck, shoulders, hands, and feet.
And maybe, there too.
The whole body is female.

“Yes?”

Yuuki tilted her head as I stared at her.
Even one such movement makes you feel feminine.

This child…….
…… Is this bastard really Yuuki?

Is this bastard really Yuuki, who was a man just a few days ago?
Is this bastard really Yuuki, the hero who went through many limbs with me?

“…… Yuuki, you…….”
“Yes? Why?”
“…… Not.”

I was about to say something nonsensical, but I kept my mouth shut.

Everyone has already admitted that this guy is a woman.
The mother, Sana, the younger sister, Hina, and everyone in the class.

…… And even the original Knives in me acknowledged it.

The only thing I don’t acknowledge is my soul.
Only my dirty soul that once dreamed of being pure.

“Are you worried about something?”
“I’m worried…….”

Are you worried
Of course there is. Trouble. A very big trouble.

My soul that wants to be pure.
On the other hand, the body of the original Knives, a harem insect, an inbred insect, and a dung beetle.

I was suffering from the gap between the soul and the body.

“Yuki.”
“Yes?”
“If you…… What will you do when your convictions come to shake?”
“Belief?”

Yuuki laughed at my bottomless question.

“There is no such thing as unshakable conviction. Faith always waves.”
“That…”

That was the answer of Yuuki, who had stronger convictions than anyone else.
As a man with the same beliefs, this was the answer of Yuuki, a hero I recognized.

“Since not everyone’s beliefs can be the same, you have no choice but to run into other people’s beliefs in your life, right? Not only the beliefs of others, but also the beliefs within yourself may collide.”
“Okay? For example?”

Wouldn’t the story Yuuki just said fit my current situation?
Thinking so, I decided to dig a little deeper into Yuuki’s story.

“It was just the other day. ‘I don’t lie’, ‘I protect my family’.”
“Ah.”

It was a false rumor that had been spread before.

‘Kurosaki Yuuki was a woman from the beginning.’

Although she is originally Yuuki who doesn’t like lies, she agrees to spread false rumors about her in order to put down the rumors that are bothering Hina.
The fake information spread through the bodyguards under the president quickly took control of the academy, and the ‘Kurosaki brother’s suspicion of transvestite’ that was bothering Hina was completely put to rest.

“I think beliefs also have priorities. For example, ‘protecting the family’ is something that can never be compromised, but ‘don’t lie’ is relatively acceptable, isn’t it? Of course, you shouldn’t lie at any time, but I think you can’t help it if you want to protect more important beliefs.”
“A more important belief…….”

For me, what is ‘a belief that can never be yielded’?
The first thing Yuuki said was “To protect the family”. No wonder Naiad comes first in my life priorities.

Then what next?

‘Preventing the humiliation event that happens to women around me’.
This is also my belief that I can never give up.

More than 10 years ago, the shock I received in my previous life appears in my dreams even in my present life.
For my sanity, I have to stop it no matter what.

No matter what.
Even if I die, I will stop it.
This alone can never be conceded.

…… If so, what about the problems of pure caterpillars, harem insects, inbred insects, and dung beetles that I am concerned about now?
Is this really a problem that can’t be yielded even if you die?

In the first place, can I be called a pure caterpillar now?

My body, my mind, have already been defiled.
For me to call myself a pure love is an insult to pure love.

It can be said that he is a harem monster when he has feelings for several women at the same time, he is an incestuous person when he is sexually attracted to his older sister by blood, and he is an asshole when he sees Yuuki, who is a TS, as a woman.

It was.
Before talking about my beliefs, I was already corrupted.

“I said it proudly, but in fact, I couldn’t have kept my convictions without Knives’ help. Thanks, knives.”
“Uh? What, is that so?”

It was Yuuki’s wide smile that he hadn’t seen in a long time.
Before judging men and women, Yuuki is my precious friend. Just being able to see Yuuki’s face is enough to say that what I did was worthwhile.

…… Okay. Whether it’s a purebred or a harem, it doesn’t matter.
The important thing is to protect the precious people around me.
To protect my sister, Yuuki, Sana-san and Hina, and everyone in the academy.
And to lead them to a happier ending.

“Thank you, Yuuki. Thank you for clearing my mind a bit.”
“Okay? I guess I didn’t say anything.”

It’s a happy ending for everyone.
…… Is there really such a thing…… ?

* * *

Dark.
I can’t see anything.
I can’t hear anything.

Is it deep sea or outer space?

Tsukimiya Akane was thrown into such a blank space.
No, whether she is thrown out or not.
She was even vague about that.

Her body she felt nothing.
However, there was only consciousness.

I think. Highly exists.
Aren’t you thinking right now?
So, it was clear that she existed.

But Akane wasn’t sure.
Because I couldn’t feel anything in my body her.

──It is quiet. It’s dark.
Only dark silence continued.
She just existed.

Akane thinks.
What kind of place is this what is he
What happened to her, how did she become like this herself.

Perhaps…… Could this be death?

I don’t want to think about it, but that’s why I’ve been ignoring it.
She couldn’t escape the thought.

Akane recalls the last time she felt her senses of her.

The feeling of the cold iron penetrating the chest and heart of her.
Knives’ dry eyes, which he had never seen before.
The fear of the heart slowly stopping without blood.

She wondered if she might be paralyzed herself.
Full body paralysis. A state in which all senses of the body are dead and only the brain is alive and thinking.
That might be the same feeling as Akane right now.

However, Knives’ blade must have pierced Akane’s heart her.
Whether she’s paralyzed or vegetative, there’s no chance she’ll survive a stab in the heart.

…… Then.
If, indeed, this is death.
How long will this darkness, this silence last?

No way…….
Forever like this?

Akane recalled a fiction called “The 500 Million Years Button”.
Instead of giving her money when she presses the button, the famous fiction tells her that she will spend 500 million years alone.

Wouldn’t she have to spend such a long time in a space where there is nothing like this, where she doesn’t feel anything?

…… No.

I hate that…… !

Hate Hate Hate Hate!

Hate Hate Hate Hate——!!

…… Yuu.
Save me, Yuuki.
Sorry. I was wrong. Yuuki.
Save me I hate being alone. Scared.
Take it out, Yuuki.

‘I don’t need it, Akane.’

…… Yuuki?
Why are you looking at me with those eyes?

‘I don’t listen to dirty women like you.’

…… Why.
I like you this much
Why is Yuuki looking at me like that?

With resentful eyes, with disgusting eyes.
Are you looking at me like that?

I can only save you
I made it so that everyone hates you and no one helps.
Why don’t you cling to me?

…… Knives.

You ruined everything
You ruined me You ruined Yuuki.

So I tried to break it. To Yuuki.
I tried to destroy Yuuki’s pride her and everything to lean on.
So when there was no one to pick it up, I tried to pick it up and take care of it.

However.
That was a failure

…… Knives.

You ruined everything
You ruined Yuuki, my Yuuki.
Why, Yuuki, to such an insignificant man…….

…… I’m resentful. Knives.
Knives. I want to kill you, Knives.

However…….
Even if I remain you now…… It will be useless.
I will continue like this…… All the way… Because I’m alone…….

…… Have I committed such a great sin?
I just wanted to get closer to Yuuki.
I like Yuuki so much, I just wanted Yuuki to like me as much.

Was it so wrong that I died like this?
Was it so wrong that he deserved to spend eternity alone in such a lonely hell?
Where did I go wrong?

…… Yuuki.
Sorry.
I will apologize
Help me.
Save me

Yuuki… It’s my fault…….
I hate this.
This is the end

To spend all this time forever…….

I hate this.
I hate being alone.
Lonely. Scared.

Please save me….
Somebody save me…….

-Chapter 4. Intermission complete-