Chapter 267 – Sometimes

Sometimes.

I think so.

Sixteen months after her girlfriend returned, a question suddenly filled her head.

‘Is it really fun?’

Am I having fun?

A question that popped up just before returning home after the wedding ceremony with her wife alone in August of last year. From this question, thoughts spread like branches.

Are you happy?

This question amplified when I realized that the newlywed life I witnessed was quite different from what I expected… It was quite restrictive and self-centered.

Is this true?

Is this the marriage I want?
Is this the love I wanted?
Is this the… Wife I wanted?

It was strange.

Her wife tried to control everything.

It was like that in the past, but when the relationship matured to some extent after the honeymoon, this obsession and tenacity intensified.

Each time her wife justified her actions.

‘Everything he said for himself.’

Exactly, it was because he didn’t believe me. The love power that continued even after marriage became a rope that tethered me. But still… Still, it wasn’t when I was fully immersed in the situation.

Because I Love You.

There was no room for other emotions to intervene in a relationship that looked beyond 10 years and beyond. I loved her The feelings I had for Seoha weighed more than anyone else thought.

She shouldn’t be without Seoha.

So, I accepted my wife’s request. Because she knows that’s the easiest path, because she knows that Seoha won’t back down, in the end… Because it’s my choice of marriage. Because I am the woman I chose. Because it is the love that I choose, the love that only I choose.

Everything was plentiful.

Seoha was perfect.

There was no woman better than her wife, materially, mentally, or in anything else. The love, the power, the money and the power, the strong bond that connected them to each other was so strong that other women wouldn’t even look at it.

Because i

I was able to dismiss the rope Seo-ha obsessively entangles as love and pass it over. A life filled with everything made me feel good. To be honest, I was happy. But only one.

Only one.

There was something unfulfilled.

“…”

Sexual desire.

Carnality.

Lust.

The ‘mind’ was so bloated that it overflowed because it couldn’t be filled, but on the contrary, the ‘body’ was pitiful because it couldn’t be filled.

The two extremes divided in this way made me feel empty.

There was a void right here that could not be filled no matter what he did. Mentally I was full, but physically I was in an unbalanced state of starvation.

There was no sign of resolving at all.

I seriously consulted with her wife, and I tried to play crude things that I wouldn’t have done in the old days, but I couldn’t fill it. Later, as the size of the company grows and there are many things to do… We are now on the threshold of ‘sex lease’.

We are still newlyweds

It was so fast. Every time I do this… That question follows me.

Is this really the marriage I wanted?

Every time I masturbated in my closet, this question haunted me. It’s okay though.

Love.

Only love was enough. Even though she quit being a knight because of her wife’s own decision… In reality, she became a pillar of her life dependent on her wife…

It’s okay though.

Because I Love You.

He fiddles with the wedding ring on the ring finger of his left hand. Soon it will be time for her wife to return. Simply stretch and tidy up the house. Perhaps it was because I came back after three days, but my heart beat was especially fast.

After briefly tidying up the house, I hear the sound of pressing the door lock at the front door.

“Babe!”

Seoha dives into my arms with a full load of something. My heart thumps at the tight body.

“Have you been well?”

“Yes…♡”

When I hug her and stroke her hair, her wife laughs.

The doubts that had bothered me until just now disappear like snow melting. Seoha, who is completely clinging to my arms, is dragged in the direction I am walking.

“What did you buy so many of?”

“It’s all a gift…♡ I haven’t seen you in three days…”

Seoha puts a gift in my hand.

“Thank you.”

She strokes her hair again and her wife puts on a very happy face.

Also.

Happy.

*

*

*

Since her wife came back… 32 months have passed.

Just two years after she returned from the United States, her wife gave birth to her first child. She doesn’t know how many times she cried then. She was overjoyed… Overjoyed, she loved her first baby so much that she watched it whenever she had a chance while at home.

She is a daughter

Maybe it’s because she inherited only the good things about me and her wife, but just looking at her was so cute that I couldn’t help smiling.

Everything was perfect

Her wife loved everything about me from her toes to her fingertips, and so did I. When my daughter, who was born out of love and gave birth to a human being, said ‘dad’ for the first time, I decided that I would be responsible for this child until the day I died.

“…”

Maybe it’s because her work has decreased, except for going to work once a day, and her time with her wife has returned to normal. I just stay at home and idle… Even when I try to work, her wife is forcing me to play and eat, saying, ‘I’m earning, so relax.’

Because of that, I’m helping with the housework. Because if you don’t do anything, you have nothing to worry about.

Other than that, free time was always given.

It’s not that her wife has stopped being wary of women, but since she’s also a ‘married man’, her boundaries are minimal, and while Seo-ha isn’t around, she can do virtually anything.

We fought several times.

Most of it was because of restraint. There were times when I was so vigilant that I didn’t say anything and stayed stuck at home. In severe cases, there was a time when her hands and feet were tied to the bed all day, and she was really angry at that time.

It was the first time my wife was so flustered.

There was a reason why the arresting appearance disappeared every time and became docile. Because her wife cared about my opinion as much as she loved me. The result is this. We found the middle.

“…”

Happy.

There has never been a time when happiness left me with a child.

I don’t know how many times I took pictures with my cell phone whenever our little Younha, as small as a thumb, slept soundly in the crib. It’s because I’ve already cleared one album and filled up the second album.

Really, I was so happy.

At the same time.

…Was empty.

I enjoyed a thousand blessings in the marriage life I hoped for, but, of course, it was not enough. I was not satisfied. As time passed, I became numb to this feeling, but I couldn’t forget it.

The pleasure of that time.

I can’t forget.

Sex with my wife was dry.

I climaxed quickly, fainted quickly, and quit immediately. Given that she had given birth to a daughter, it was only natural that even the frequency would decrease. I understood her wife. There was nothing I could do.

“…”

Indeed.

Is there really no

Stop petting her daughter and open my door. When I open the bottom compartment of the drawer… A messy cell phone comes out with a broken screen. Heart beat quickens

Is there really no

Indeed.

“…”

With trembling hands, I put the phone back into the drawer. That moment felt like an eternity. A series of actions amplifies dangerous thoughts.

Still.

If only sometimes

Confusing. My head hurt. Even as I laid down on the bed and organized my thoughts, the elation did not disappear easily. Sometimes, the question that comes to mind stings my heart. Most of the questions have been resolved. I was satisfied with the changed married life.

There is only one part that is insufficient. A very small part compared to the happiness now. But.

It was empty.

My gaze keeps reaching for the drawer.

I am…

But i…

*

*

*

Summer in the month of August.

Today is our wedding anniversary.

When thirty-two and four more months had passed, I had a hunch. That it can no longer be repeated. That the void cannot be filled.

I get out of bed and type a number I thought I would never call again.

‘Because we’re ready… Come visit us anytime if you need it.’

The forgotten conversation remains in my mouth and mumbles. A familiar voice is transmitted to me beyond the tone of the call.

“…”

The call was brief.

Dress simply and put on a hat.

He covers Seo-ha, who is sleeping soundly next to the bed, with a blanket.

Remove the wedding ring from the ring finger of your left hand and put it in the drawer.

A warm wind blows through the early morning streets. It was warm but cold. At least I felt that way.

Maybe… I don’t know if I missed it from some moment. In this crazy situation.

When I go outside at dawn, a cold wind blows over me.

“You’re here.”

She slowly raises her head and looks at the woman in front of her.

“Did you wait?”

A woman looks at me, parting her lips.

“…No.”

Ah, this familiar feeling.

“I knew you would come.”

Han Ye-rin looks at me and smiles.

… I still love her wife.

Mentally, I ‘love’ everything under that will. But.

It was lacking.

This is just the body.

Just because I can’t force myself to have sex with Seoha…

I’m sorry… I’m doing it.

So… It’s okay…

This is just

Body.

Because only

Because her heart is still looking at Seoha…

If only the body…

Are you okay.

“…Come to the mansion. Everyone is waiting for you.”

The two figures holding hands side by side slowly walk past the tree-lined road. In the early morning after dusk, the starlight gradually fades.

Two people holding hands while walking down a tree-lined street.

Yet.

Disappear into complete darkness.

Forever.

No.

Sometimes.