246 – My Name is ‘Misa’ -4-

Rain is falling.

A rain filled with regret over the indelible scars of memory was falling between the two.

-Ssshhh.

Mikhail was looking at me.

With eyes soaked in rain, he stood there silently, gazing at me.

His lips twitched as if he had something to say, but Mikhail clenched his eyes shut and shivered.

“I am…”

What had happened?

Mikhail was trembling like a frightened man. He couldn’t look me in the eye, his quivering gaze unsure where to rest.

What had happened? I couldn’t tell, but I looked into Mikhail’s rain-drenched eyes and smiled faintly.

“Miss Misa.”

Just like it always had been.

*

I can’t say anything.

“Miss Misa.”

I couldn’t respond to his gentle voice. I couldn’t even say a simple ‘yes’ or meet his eyes.

What should I say, how should I start the conversation, Mikhail couldn’t think at all. He dared not open his mouth.

Those two red eyes looking at him.

The fact that the shoulders he had only seen from behind and hated were Mikhail’s made his heart ache.

-Ssshhh.

Ricardo, who was getting wet under the umbrella he held over my head, was smiling at me. He was showing me the smile whose meaning I had always hated.

My heart hurts.

It hurts so much… I can hardly breathe.

“…I am.”

What have I done?

“I am…”

Who did I hate?

“I…I am.”

Why, did I do that?

An overwhelming tide of regret was crashing over me. A regret so undeniable that it painfully gripped my heart.

“Don’t speak carelessly.”

My heart raced as if it was telling me I had no face to show.

“Are you okay?”

Ricardo looked at me with eyes full of concern.

– Are you okay?

– Don’t pretend to worry, it’s disgusting.

– …Seeing you talk like that, you seem fine.

His voice, along with the mistakes of the past, echoed in my ears.

“Miss Misa, you look very pale. It’s raining so hard, and you’re without an umbrella…”

– Are you a training maniac? Why would you train in such rain?

– Don’t mind me. It’s none of your concern.

– Still…

– Don’t you dare cover me with that filthy umbrella…!

The umbrella I had dropped was flickering before my eyes.

Ricardo’s pitiful expression overlapped with the memory of that child. The child who always smiled at me and never spoke harshly, his voice and Ricardo’s smile merged in my mind.

I had finally found the path at the crossroads I had been searching for. Not only had I discovered the child’s survival, but also who he was and the goals he lived for, yet I stood there, unable to utter a word.

Mikhail couldn’t look Ricardo in the eye.

After all, it was I who had expelled him from the academy that promised success upon graduation. I loathed my past self for the cruel words I had hurled at Ricardo.

“Why…”

There was so much I wanted to ask.

Why had someone as radiant as you become Olivia’s butler, why had you, who once showed mercy to a grumpy orphan, turned into someone who torments the weak?

There was so much I wanted to ask, but…

Mikhail couldn’t bring himself to speak.

Perhaps.

“Why did you…”

All of it could have been for me. I dared not speak.

“…”

I knew it was too late to mend the rift of built-up emotions, so I tread carefully.

He wouldn’t know. That’s why he hadn’t revealed his identity to me. Perhaps he didn’t want to be a hindrance or be remembered as someone from the slums. That child could well afford to be so, and more.

Memories of Ricardo’s actions began to surface in my mind.

The time he deliberately lost to me in the ranking match.

– What are you doing…! Fight until the end.

– I thought you suited it better than me.

– Are you insulting me?

The time he smiled brightly at me standing outside during the academy fire.

– Why are you smiling.

– Just relieved, that’s all.

The moment Mikhail realized that all the things he hated were done for his sake, his heart felt as if it was being torn to shreds.

‘I’ve never said a kind word to you.’

‘I told you I didn’t need help from someone like you.’

Despite his own criticism, the fact that he was silently helping him made Mikhail unable to lift his head. His reflection in the rainwater was too hideous.

His fist clenched hand began to tremble.

It felt as if his fingernails were digging into his flesh, but it wasn’t painful. It was his heart that hurt more.

“Just like that…”

Ricardo in front of him was looking at him. Not as ‘Mikhail’, the man, but with a worried gaze for ‘Misa’, the woman.

He couldn’t tell what emotions Ricardo held.

Whether he had positive or negative feelings, he wanted to know but didn’t have the courage to ask.

Ricardo kept looking at him.

Even though his back was soaked from the falling rain, he looked at him with a serene smile.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Because you’ll hate me if you know who I am.

“Please don’t look at me like that.”

Knowing all the things I’ve done to you, how I’ve been harsh, dismissive, insulting, and abusive. Why do you look at me with those eyes? Mikhail bit his lip and clenched his fist.

It felt like his heart was crumbling.

His wildly beating heart seemed to refuse to beat under the weight of guilt. ‘You don’t deserve it. Think about what you’ve said.’ It felt like he was being kicked.

‘Right. I know.’

If Ricardo had said it.

If he had let out his anger uncontrollably.

Then there wouldn’t even be this chance.

Seeing that face.

Wearing such a smile.

Having no chance to hear his voice.

Mikhail, donning the mask of Misa, gazed at Ricardo. For the man known as Mikhail was nothing but a nightmare to Ricardo.

Now. This is my true form, yet despite longing to meet him as I am, I confront Ricardo wearing a mask of lies.

I fear how he would treat me if he knew I was Mikhail. Honestly, I’m scared.

How should I face him?

“Why have you suddenly become so kind?”

How should I see him?

“Just act normal. Get lost. I don’t need someone like you,” he would say.

I feared being hurt by his cold demeanor, even though what I’ve done is far worse.

I know these thoughts are just pitiful excuses, but the fear of being hated by him made Mikhail choose to wear the mask of deceit.

Ricardo, looking into Mikhail’s trembling eyes, finally spoke.

“Did you ask why I look at you that way?”

With a small ‘pfft,’ a smile, and shielding Mikhail’s head from the rain with his umbrella, Ricardo spoke in a soft voice.

“How could I just walk by and see a beauty suffering in the rain? I simply can’t do that.”

“…”

Ricardo, hesitating to speak, smiled gently at Mikhail and said,

“You said you were learning fencing, didn’t you?”

“…Ugh”

“I’m not often in the capital… If you come down to Hamel, I’ll teach you.”

“…”

“But don’t come to our mansion. Make sure to leave a letter. ‘Please make time for when and where I’ll be coming.'”

Ricardo looked around playfully and said in a teasing tone,

“There’s a terrifying monster living in our mansion… If you get caught, you die.”

Mikhail nodded.

Tears brimming in his eyes.

Embracing the chasm of emotions filled with regret, he nodded with a heavy heart.

Just having a means to talk to him was enough. Since approaching him as Mikhail was unthinkable, wearing a mask to get close was all he could do.

He knew it wasn’t the best way, and perhaps it was the worst choice, but Mikhail couldn’t let go of this opportunity.

“I…”

“Yes.”

“Can I really do that?”

“Hmm…”

Ricardo handed Mikhail the umbrella with a smile.

“A token of sincerity will make it possible.”

Hidden by the umbrella, Mikhail bowed his head as Ricardo nodded and bid farewell.

“You’ll catch a cold.”

“…”

“And don’t cry.”

‘Ah…’

For a moment, Ricardo’s face overlapped with the face of the boy in his memories.

Just like the day when the boy had handed him the box he was wearing on his head in the rain.

-You’ll look ugly if you cry. Don’t cry.

“Don’t cry, or you’ll look ugly.”

It was the same.

After Ricardo’s figure disappeared from the street.

-Thud.

Mikhail collapsed to the ground and cried endlessly.

Dropping the umbrella on the street, without any pretense.

“Sob… Ahhh. I…”

“Now… Stop… Ahh…”

“Ah… What do I do now…”

He pounded on his chest endlessly, bursting into tears.

***

Today, too, was peaceful at the Darbav mansion.

“Abby.”

“…It’s okay. Abby will take care of everything.”

“Brother agrees.”

“Mom will allow it too.”

Seated on the floor, Olivia was picking her nose, burdened with the expectations of her family.

“Hmm.”

Olivia shook her head and spoke calmly.

“No, what if it fails again.”

“Demotion is all that’s left. Father values the present more than such things.”

“It’s fine. I’ve sent all the servants home. I’ve laid double, triple barriers, and if anyone enters, they’ll leave this world without a sound or trace.”

“Mother will help too.”

I stopped the lady’s hand, which was bringing a finger to her mouth, and smiled.

“That’s not for eating.”

“…It’s not?”

“Yes.”

“…”

The lady grinned bashfully and nodded.

“Then, shall we give it a try?”

The Desmont family was filled with anticipation. Watching the lady rolling up her sleeves.

“Eeeek!!!!”

Little Olivia was being awaited.