286 – Apostle of Pride -3-

The sound of the powerless sword hitting the ground brought clarity to Lowen’s darkened mind.

“Why…”

The aura that had enveloped him like pitch blackness had long left Hanna’s side. Now, all Lowen saw was Hanna, trembling weakly on her shoulders.

“Why did you do it…”

Hanna, grasping Lowen’s collar, asked him with bloodshot eyes. It was a question she had asked countless times, yet the answer remained elusive.

“I just can’t understand, no matter how much I think about it… Wouldn’t it hurt less if there was a reason!”

“…”

“Is it because of talent…? You’ve seen it…! I awakened the aura earlier than dad did in his youth! Why can’t you understand that!”

Lowen bowed his head to Hanna’s bloodshot questioning. He didn’t know what to say.

Whatever he said seemed like it would be an excuse, and even an apology seemed like it wouldn’t be conveyed.

‘As a father…’

As a father, I’ve disgraced myself before my daughter.

I’ve drawn my sword.

And imbued it with aura.

The thought that I might have hurt her made Rowen dizzy, and he silently offered his sleeve.

Rowen thought to himself,

“I’m disqualified as a father.”

How much uglier could he get? Rowen, now afraid of himself, had yet to grasp the hand that Hanna had first extended.

“…How foolish.”

With no response from her father, Hanna, irritated, roughly grabbed his collar.

“All I wanted was to be acknowledged by you, Father! I wanted to say more, to try harder, so I ran like mad…! Why… were you so cruel!!!”

Hanna’s trembling voice made Rowen’s heart constrict, as if his heart’s breath was narrowing.

“I just wanted to be a daughter you could be proud of, like everyone else. Did you really hate me that much?”

“…Hanna.”

Rowen raised his trembling hand.

He wanted to stroke Hanna’s shoulder, which seemed burdened with heavy loads. Even knowing it was overstepping, he wanted to place his hand on his daughter’s shoulder.

But his strong will wouldn’t allow it.

With a hand that wouldn’t easily move, Rowen clenched his fist and bit his lip. His still arrogant self refused to bend his stubbornness.

Why was he hesitating like this? Rowen hated his hand, which couldn’t find its place, like a fool.

As he pondered how to handle the pouring resentment, Rowen silently watched Hanna, who was gripping his collar.

“Do you hate me that much, Dad?”

“I…”

“Say something!!”

Inexperienced Rowen hung his head and clenched his fist. He had more than enough excuses.

Everything around him was like that.

His father’s education.

His mother’s indifference.

The discrimination of his siblings.

Everything was far from an ideal family.

-“You’re leading Histania and that’s all you can do? Get out of my sight now! No, wait, maybe it’d be faster to just have and raise a new one.”

-“Live up to your father’s expectations, Rowen. That’s what your mother wants. Your father’s words are always right.”

-Hey, feeling like you own the world because Dad favors you? But once the sweetness is gone, there’s little difference between you and me, right? Everyone’s just waiting for you to fall. That way, there’s no trouble when you’re gone.

It was the worst. Every situation was.

The same went for a close friend.

Even he, burdened with the family business of Desmont, was treated harshly by his parents.

-How did you manage to live with such treatment? At least I only ended up facing a fireball.

-Aren’t we the same in the end?

-True. But we belong to the shadows. You’re from Histania.

Maybe I thought such treatment was natural, given the circumstances I was in.

Harsh education was said to be for the child’s own good.

Father wanted his child’s success.

Father knew the way.

He was taught that this would satisfy both the family and the child.

It was inevitable.

I didn’t want to be a father who was merely respected. I wanted to be a better head than my ancestors, a father recognized by his children.

By the world.

By my children.

And by my wife.

I vowed not to become like my predecessors, raising them with as much convenience as I thought possible, but the conclusion I reached was nothing but the worst.

-Hiss…

Only now do I realize that my best was wrong.

-Hisss…

It felt like cracks were forming in my once unshakable resolve.

My wife, whom I couldn’t protect.

And to my love, whom I ultimately hurt due to my own arrogance…

-Crackle…

The thought that all misfortune originated from me made Rowen’s heart tremble. When viewed not as ‘incapable you’ but from the perspective of ‘father.’

Only now does it feel like the broken puzzle pieces are fitting together.

-Rustle…

Until now, I.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t afraid of regret. It was the regret originating from me and returning to me that I feared.

-Rumble…

Rowen’s stubborn pride crumbled along with the ringing in his ears.

As he pondered why he couldn’t have been more nurturing, Rowen struggled to move his hand that had been stilled by obstinacy.

With his daughter’s sorrow weighing on his heart, Rowen spoke in a choked voice.

“…No.”

Hanna’s shoulder, barely touched, felt incredibly small. So fragile and delicate, it worried him whether she was eating properly. It was laughable to think fatherly thoughts only now, but still.

‘…I’ve realized too late.’

At this moment, no thoughts came to mind.

Not the dark magic he used.

Not Hanna’s altered form.

No, perhaps even the monstrous future he might have created for Hanna. Her tender, delicate shoulders blocked everything else out. Why did he only realize now?

Rowen hugged Hanna tightly and bowed his head. Then, he whispered his heart into Hanna’s ear cautiously.

“It’s not… because of that.”

It might not reach her.

Perhaps Hanna might not accept his words, but Rowen whispered to her, embedding his last bit of pride.

“I am…”

“What are you doing…”

“I am… not angry with you.”

“Do you think I would believe that…?!”

Rowen closed his eyes tightly against Hanna’s aggressive question and broke his own stubbornness to answer.

“Perhaps.”

“It’s because I’m not a good father.”

Surprised by Rowen’s response in the long silence, Hanna lifted her head.

“What… did you say…?”

Rowen hugged Hanna’s shoulder and swallowed hard.

“I never thought the path I’ve walked was wrong.”

“You never change, Dad…!”

“No, until now, I thought so.”

Rowen hugged Hanna fiercely and continued his words. At this moment, he pleaded with all his heart for her to listen to his feeble excuses.

“Since the invitation, I never thought I was wrong to elevate our family’s honor…”

“…”

“So… I suppose that’s why I was so stubborn.”

Rowen drew in a pained breath.

“I wanted you to be like me. To become a better head of the family than I was, to lead Histania and become a star that shines brighter than now.”

“…”

“But… at the same time, I had this thought.”

Rowen revealed a small pain deep within him to Hannah. Words he couldn’t easily say to others, words he feared would wound him if he let them out.

He spoke with sorrow in his voice.

“I wondered if you needed to go through the pain I had endured.”

“…”

“Brothers thrusting knives at each other’s throats. A father sending them off to war. I didn’t want to give you such experiences. For me, those times were not fond memories.”

“So what? You want me to understand? No. I can’t.”

Rowen endured Hannah’s pounding anger with an awkward smile.

“It’s not understanding I seek. It’s confessing my foolishness to you.”

“…”

“I’m sorry that this is all I’ve learned.”

Rowen said to Hannah with a bitter sigh.

“It seems the strongest thing for a sword master is not power, but stubbornness. It hasn’t dulled over time.”

Rowen spoke to Hannah with a heavy voice.

“I am still a very inadequate father.”

“…”

“I’ve only given you sorrow, having grown up seeing nothing but my flaws.”

“Excuses.”

“Yes. Excuses.”

Rowen couldn’t deny Hannah’s words. Even now, his stubbornness writhed within him. After all, the stubbornness built up over a long time isn’t something that changes in an instant.

“That’s why I’m telling you this.”

And so, Rowen spoke to Hannah, suppressing his fear.

With a voice more fearful than any battle he had ever faced, he said to Hannah,

“My pitiful excuses are just beginning.”

“…”

“Even if you don’t listen.”

“…”

“Even if you can’t understand.”

“…”

“Even if you never call me father, I still intend to continue this pitiful excuse.”

Rowen said to Hannah with a trembling voice.

“Until I can be a father you can be proud of… for a lifetime.”

Hannah’s pounding on her chest subsided. Now, she just shook her delicate shoulders and let the tears fall.

Rowen expressed his gratitude to his daughter, who had given him far too many chances despite his shortcomings.

“I’m sorry. And thank you for coming to me.”

“…”

“I’m truly sorry… that my best has brought you unhappiness.”

Rowen held Hannah tightly.

Thinking he would never let go again.

He whispered his true feelings into Hannah’s ear.

“I’m truly sorry for being such a poor father.”

“…”

“Now, I will really… try to change.”

[Listen to Histania Rowen’s sincere apology. (0/1)]

.

.

.

-Ding.

[0/1 ＞ 1/1]

-The quest has been completed.

Holding Hannah, Rowen said,

“Your judgment was not wrong.”

“…”

Rowen’s atonement began to take its first belated steps.