303 – Approaching Stage -5-

Memory (記憶)

It means ‘to remember and keep past events in mind.’

Whether it’s something you want to reminisce about.

Or something you want to erase from your mind.

It was also a cruel word that meant to hold and swallow the events of the past in your heart.

Oblivion (忘却) means ‘to forget.’ In another sense, it also meant ‘the disappeared counterpart.’

A cruel yet sweet word.

Not being able to remember meant.

That it would be forgotten in everyone’s memory.

Memory and oblivion could not coexist.

For memory to exist, oblivion must not exist, and conversely, for oblivion to exist, memory must not exist, so memory and oblivion could not become close.

Even in moments when you step on it, memory holds onto that moment and dreams of revenge with the complex emotion of ‘someday…’, while oblivion makes you give up.

Memory.

Can never always be beautiful.

Mikhail was the same.

– Is it delicious?

– …Yes.

– Then eat mine too.

– What about you…?

– I’m not hungry.

If there are happy moments.

– Cough.

—

—

-…Ah…Ahhh..!

-Run away.

Because there are moments that are the worst.

Unforgettable memories sometimes appear as nightmares, and sometimes they whisper that it would have been better if they could be erased from the mind.

Because the burden was too heavy.

Mikhail was not familiar with oblivion.

He remembered all the memories he didn’t want to forget. Even in those moments when he was gasping for breath. Even in that space where he lost the direction of his life.

The memories were breathing fully. While desperately longing for oblivion, he also hated it at the same time.

Mikhail, who was soaking in the bath, looked at the rippling water of the bath and let out a faint sigh.

‘…’

He wondered if the justice he knew was really right.

The reason he had so earnestly sought justice.

Even though he was called a fool, the reason he stubbornly cried out for justice was no longer there.

Ricardo.

A hero who seemed to have come out of a fairy tale.

The justice he desired was different from the justice I practiced.

“…”

To become a better person.

And to show that the life you saved is shining brightly, the justice I practiced… After realizing that it was not what he wanted, I couldn’t figure out which tune to follow.

It was like that at the convent where the value of justice was instilled.

-Mikhail. I heard from the nun. You want to learn the sword?

-Yes.

-Why?

-Because I want to punish bad people.

-…Bad people?

-The person who bullied me. I want to show my mom who abandoned me that I have become strong. And… I want to kill the man who killed my friend whom I liked.

-Mikhail.

-Yes.

-That’s a wrong thought. God loves us and always wants us to forgive. Even when we face unbearable adversity, enduring and forgiving is the right mindset we should have.

-But sister. I can’t forgive that person.

—

—

That day, Mikhail spoke to the nun.

It was also the first time he had defied the nun who had raised him like her own child.

– Can you forgive someone who kills all the children and clergy in the convent?

– If it’s God’s love…

– I lost everything.

– …

– The child who saved me when I was abandoned by my parents… I abandoned the friend who showed me great love just to save me.

– …

– Do you know how… angry I am? …How much!

That day, the nun presented him with two choices.

One choice was a promise.

– Then can you make a promise with me?

…

– Promise not to kill indiscriminately.

– Unless they are bad people.

– No. Understand and try. They must have heartbreaking stories too, so give them time to repent.

– …What if they still don’t become good?

– God is not a cruel person. He will punish them.

The second choice was a card called the sword.

– Instead, I will teach Mikhail the sword.

– You, Sister?

– Yes, there was a time when I was blinded by revenge like Mikhail.

– Did you succeed?

– …

What I learned in the convent was all of that.

The sword and restraint.

Because of that, I was able to instill the power of restraint in myself, who was lost in ambiguous justice, and I became more obsessed with that value by giving weight to justice in my dreams.

The nun’s words were not wrong.

Just.

God’s love was too great.

—

—

“…”

Mikhail, now standing ambiguously at the standard of that justice, hugged his legs and muttered softly.

“…I don’t know.”

He didn’t know which tune to follow.

Nevertheless.

– Anything in moderation is good, Mr. Mikhail.

It was an undeniable fact that his sense of justice was a wrong answer. Foolish and backstabbed.

What is the justice I think of?

He realized that the justice of caring for the weak was no longer so beautiful. And the path of justice he was on had picked the most powerful wrong answer…. What on earth is it?

Mikhail came out of the bath and wiped off the water with a towel. At this moment, wiping his body with a heavy heart, he felt that it wasn’t so pleasant.

The longer the silence, the more anxiety found its way into his mind.

One step.

Two steps.

As he walked back to his room fully dressed, Mikhail bowed his head and soothed his melancholy mood.

And at that moment.

“…”

Mikhail stopped walking.

Mikhail suddenly felt a chill and looked back. Despite being an ordinary hallway, he frowned at the unnecessary chill.

-…

What was scarier than the chill.

-…

Was the eerily quiet silence.

The cold silence allowed the sound of rain blowing in from outside to be heard. In a typical inn, the noise of people talking and moving things would usually drown it out.

– Swoosh…

The external sound was starkly audible.

Mikhail clenched his fist in anxiety. And staring intently at his door ten steps ahead, he swallowed dryly.

Ten steps.

Just ten steps and a sanctuary awaited him, where he could escape this strange feeling.

It might be an unnecessary worry, but.

Definitely…

—

—

This situation was the same as what happened that day.

-Swooosh.

-…Who are you, mister?

-It’s you. The kid with the interesting memories.

-Who… who are you?

Mikhail, recalling the memory that arose in the eerily silent stillness, took a deep breath, counted to three in his mind, and started running.

He knew that running in the hallway at this hour was a nuisance, but his instincts were sounding the alarm.

‘Something’s wrong…!’

Mikhail ran without looking back.

And at that moment.

-Screeeech.

“…”

The doors on both sides of the hallway he was running through began to open as if they had been waiting.

There were various people.

A tall man.

A woman with long hair.

A man with a fierce look.

And a young child.

People he had never seen before were opening the doors of their respective rooms and staring blankly at Mikhail running through the hallway.

Mikhail was startled as he saw their expressions.

“…Their expressions.”

There were no expressions.

Just like the couple he had seen at the entrance of the village, everyone was looking at him with expressionless faces.

With a bang, Mikhail closed the door.

And at that moment.

-Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

The sound of frantic knocking on the door began to be heard.

-Student!

-Sister!

-Miss…!

—

—

Everyone started calling Mikhail in different voices. And they began to knock on the door as if they were trying to bring out the nightmares hidden deep in Mikhail’s chest, spitting out the memories he wanted to forget.

-How could you leave so heartlessly? I was stabbed because of you. Why didn’t you remember me even for a moment?

-It hurts… It hurts…! I was wrong… Die instead of me.

-Ha… Hahaha! I died because of you. You killed me.

Mikhail, with his eyes tightly closed, gritted his teeth as he blocked the door.

Where did it all go wrong?

Who were they and why were they suddenly doing this? Mikhail couldn’t understand.

And at that moment.

The moment their voices, bringing thick anger, disappeared.

“You have to remember.”

A familiar man’s voice flowed in from the hallway.

The man he most wanted to kill.

At the same time, the voice of the man who made him shed tears of blood eerily reached Mikhail’s ears.

“If you forget, who will remember?”

It was terrifying.

“You have to remember, kid.”

That man’s eerie voice.

-Tok… Tok…

The heavy footsteps of the approaching man.

“Kid, do you know how much a person can remember?”

It felt like it was bringing back his powerless self from those days.

“You know nothing. Hah… Hahaha!!!!”

Mikhail was.

-Trembling…

Terrified.