313 – I’ll try to be brave.

‘I know.’

Olivia, sitting by the window, clenched her fists as she watched Mikhail’s back as he left the mansion.

-Crack.

‘I know.’

A wretched personality.

The worst villain in the world.

Olivia knew that she had no right to speak ill of Mikhail. She had realized how wrong it was to force her feelings upon him.

Ricardo had said so. No matter how harshly Mikhail treated her, it was true that she had done wrong.

At first, she denied it, but as time passed, her stubbornness began to wane, and she came to understand that she was in the wrong.

Too late, though.

Having lived so arrogantly in this world, could she really change overnight? It was impossible.

Still, she had tried to muster the courage.

Because she had done nothing right.

For Olivia, not for Ricardo, there was nothing to present to Mikhail.

So, she had thought that if she ever met Mikhail again, she would apologize.

“I’m sorry for tormenting you all this time.”

“I couldn’t apologize to others, but I wanted to be the first to apologize to you.” That was what she wanted to say.

Because it was the right thing to do.

Between the perpetrator and the victim, the ‘dominant’ should be the victim, so she had tried to cast aside her petty pride and bow her head.

-Crack…

There were so many people she needed to apologize to…

Yuria.

Mikhail.

The young ladies she had tormented.

There were so many people she needed to apologize to that she couldn’t count them on ten fingers, and there were countless things she needed to seek forgiveness for.

So, I made up my mind and practiced when I was alone. I know better than anyone how hard it is to bend my stubbornness.

– I… I’m sorry… I was wrong.

– Knock, knock, knock.

– Eek!

My body didn’t cooperate when it came to offering an apology that wouldn’t stick to my lips, and I felt my hands and feet curl up in a flurry of emotions.

I did my best, after all.

I struggled hard in my own way to seize the opportunity that would eventually come.

Yeah… I did.

‘…’

Why am I so angry?

My feelings for Mikhail had long since faded… Ricardo had wanted to ask me. If I still liked Mikhail, that is.

– Miss, do you still…

– Hmm?

– No, never mind. Please have some chocolate.

– Hmm.

The answer was already decided.

That I didn’t like him.

The times I was chased away from the academy.

The tragedies of losing a leg and falling apart.

And after witnessing the countless tragedies shown through the blue window, I sought answers, so that feeling had long since vanished.

Rather than saying, ‘I no longer like him,’ it would be more accurate to say, ‘I didn’t truly understand love.’

I think I had been misunderstanding the emotion of love all this time.

The feelings I had while looking at Mikhail seemed closer to ‘possessiveness’ than love.

It was the first time I had seen something so beautiful in my life.

Something sparkling and pretty.

Gradually, I was realizing that wanting to possess it wasn’t love; in fact, it had been wrong from the very beginning.

And that’s why I was even angrier.

Attachment.

Nostalgia.

The jewel I had coveted so greedily, to the point of losing a leg, turned out to be nothing at all.

‘…’

The first time I saw him, I realized it in an instant. That woman was Mikhail.

I sighed in disbelief.

I was so angry that my head started to hurt.

Inside, I was telling myself that this was my chance to apologize, but the rising fury had silenced me.

So when I faced Mikhail alone, I must have spat out some harsh words.

“Hah…”

I knew I shouldn’t have done that, yet I grabbed him by the collar and unleashed a torrent of vicious words. I can only imagine how absurd he must have felt. I was the one in the wrong.

“Even I think… it’s too selfish.”

I know.

I don’t deserve to act this way.

I hurt Ricardo.

I etched terrible memories into Mikhail. It all stemmed from ‘me.’

Even knowing I had no right, I carelessly let my words fly, and as a result, feelings were hurt.

“Hah…”

It’s selfish.

Truly selfish.

Do I regret it?

No.

I don’t think I’ll ever regret it.

I wanted to say something about the obsession I feigned. Perhaps if I hadn’t said these words to him today… I might have repaid him with an even greater grudge, so I don’t feel regret.

Just one thing…

-Crack

I was simply furious at my selfish self.

Olivia sighed as she watched Ricardo, with a calm expression, saying goodbye in the mansion’s courtyard.

-Next time, you shouldn’t ride in a strange carriage.

-Yes…

-Since I’m sending high-quality personnel, please don’t ask any strange questions.

-Saint! I will ensure your safety…

-…Come back safely.

– Yes!

– Then please be careful.

– Yes… over there!

– Yes.

– We can see each other again, right?

– Isn’t that a given? I have a mountain of things to tell you.

I couldn’t help but frown, thinking about how difficult it must be for Ricardo, caught in between. That soft-hearted fool must be suffering in silence.

“Ugh….”

Mikhail, who had greeted Ricardo, bowed his head slightly in greeting to Olivia, who was sitting by the window.

– I’ll be going.

– Nodded.

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut.

*

Another peaceful morning in Desmunt.

– Air… raid alert…!

The lady’s gloomy air raid alert made me tilt my head in confusion. She didn’t seem to be in a good mood.

Waking up earlier than usual was bad enough, but a lifeless air raid alert was an ominous start to the day.

“Hmm…”

Looking up at the ceiling, I nodded lightly and rolled up my sleeves. As the butler, it was my duty to lift the lady’s spirits.

I hurriedly prepared breakfast on a tray and smiled at the lavish spread laid out before me.

This morning, it was the lady’s favorite: rice with beans and grilled bacon…

‘This is a problem.’

I trembled at the sight of the unexpectedly meager breakfast. This wouldn’t be enough to lift the lady’s gloomy mood.

I took out some chocolate from the shelf to raise her blood sugar and smiled wryly.

‘Eating chocolate in the morning is a no-no.’

With my eyes squeezed shut, I slipped the chocolate into my pocket. No matter how important health was, my survival was more crucial.

Thus, I arrived at the lady’s room.

“Ugh…”

Blinded by the bright sunlight, the lady turned her head sharply away upon seeing me approaching with the tray.

“Hmph!”

“???”

“…Hmph.”

“Oh…”

A sense of foreboding washes over me.

A foreboding that feels like sulking.

I cautiously approached the young lady, who had turned her head toward the window, and asked,

“Miss.”

“…”

“Are you sulking?”

“Mm.”

I nodded heavily at her candid expression, typical of a noble lady. It would have been troublesome if she insisted otherwise.

With a heavy nod, I carefully presented a bribe to the young lady. Originally, I had planned to give it to her after finishing my meal, but given the atmosphere, it seemed that wouldn’t do.

“Miss, this…”

-Swish…

“Eeeek!”

“It’s nothing special, but I wanted to offer it.”

The young lady pouted, but soon shook her head solemnly.

“I’m not eating.”

“Pardon?”

“I’m not going to eat it.”

A young lady refusing chocolate…

I gazed at the rising morning sun, a wistful smile creeping onto my face as I thought, ‘Perhaps the world will end tomorrow.’

I scooped a generous spoonful of rice and, with a serious look, said to the young lady.

Sulking is sulking.

But there were things that needed to be done.

“The airplane is taking off.”

The young lady glared at me with a serious expression before finally opening her mouth.

“Ah… Open!”

No matter how sulky she was, she didn’t want to go hungry.

As I fed her the rice, I pondered deeply. What could be the reason for her sulking?

Was it because I didn’t entertain the young lady after falling into the tunnel yesterday, or was it because I was alone with another woman in the tunnel?

If the reason for my personal sulk was the latter, I would feel somewhat pleased, but I thought the broad-minded young lady wouldn’t refuse chocolate over such trivial matters. To her, chocolate was like a divine presence.

Then…

-Clatter.

“Huh?”

As I lost myself in thought and moved the spoon, I realized that the rice I had placed on the plate was gone.

I stared blankly at the empty plate that was making the clattering sound and forced a bitter smile.

“I’ve eaten it all.”

“Hmph.”

“…Should I bring more?”

“No, I’m going to eat chocolate.”

“…?”

With chocolate in her mouth, the young lady gazed out the window for a long while before finally speaking heavily.

“Ricardo.”

“Yes.”

“Am I a bad person?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You’re a naughty person.”

“Eeeek!”

The young lady dropped her slumped shoulders and spoke cautiously.

“I’m not angry because of you, Ricardo.”

“Is that so?”

“I’m angry because of myself.”

“Hmm…”

She murmured softly while looking out the window.

“Selfish and just angry.”

The young lady seemed gloomy, as if she were asking me to say otherwise.

“While being tidy, I’m filthy.”

“…”

“Her personality is really terrible, but she wants to be praised.”

“You know her well.”

“…Ugh.”

I patted the young lady’s head and looked out the window together.

“So isn’t that a good thing?”

The flustered young lady turned her head and stared at me intently, as if to say, what good has come from anything I’ve said so far?

“Uh…?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at her expression.

“Yes, that’s why I think you’re great.”

“…”

“You’re silly and foolish.”

“I’m not foolish.”

“Of course you are.”

“…And?”

“You get angry often, but you can admit when you’re wrong, and if you’re sulking, you tell me you’re sulking.”

“And…?”

“Also… you’re the prettiest in the world. That’s all that matters.”

“…Hehe, that’s true.”

The young lady, smiling brightly, looked out the window and spoke to me in a soft voice.

“You know, Ricardo.”

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

I felt a bit shy at her sudden expression of gratitude. No matter how you look at it, such words were a little embarrassing.

The young lady opened her mouth once more.

This time, it was about a somewhat sensitive topic.

“What if I…?”

“Yes.”

“What if I were to meet Mikhail?”

“…”

I swallowed my dry saliva and focused on the young lady’s lips. However, she uttered words I never expected, as if lightly brushing aside my anxious anticipation.

“I’m going to apologize.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I will apologize.”

At her unexpected response, I flinched and nodded my head.

“Is that so…?”

“Yeah. But it seems like I’m not quite ready in my heart yet.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah.”

“In what way?”

“If I say it now, I feel like I would get really angry and hate you. I’d probably question why you did that and all. But….”

The young lady clenched her fist and said,

“This time, I’m going to apologize properly. I’m going to say I don’t like you anymore… and that I’m sorry.”

I looked out the window, nodding as I spoke.

“You’ve grown up, young lady.”

“Yeah.”

Gathering her courage, the young lady rested her head on my shoulder.

“Give me more chocolate.”

“No.”

“Ha ha ha…! Okay, okay. I got it.”