101 – The Destination is Just Ahead

[Skill: Body Modification and Time Stop are Unavailable!]

[Skill: Body Modification and Time Stop are Unavailable!]

[Skill: Body Modification and…]

The barrage of alerts ceased as abruptly as the moment my eyes fluttered open.

Where am I, and who am I?

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I slowly sat up.

Kanya lay collapsed before me.

Her body was pristine.

And mine, likewise, was immaculate.

An almost refreshing cleanliness permeated my being.

‘Clean?’

Something was off.

Shouldn’t I be anything *but* clean?

My last memory was of being beaten senseless by the Followers, losing consciousness. How could I be… immaculate?

Where had all the Followers gone?

Questions spawned upon questions, but for the moment, there seemed no way to answer them.

I stood, intending to lift Kanya into my arms and move, but abruptly stopped, a strange heaviness in my legs.

Body Modification.

Unavailable, it had said.

A sigh escaped my lips.

Slowly, I hoisted Kanya onto my back, grunting with the effort, and began to climb the rocky mountain.

Seeing my abilities vanish one by one, it became clear that the Demon Lords were up to something.

If I were a Demon Lord, I’d be furious.

Which meant, perhaps, that next time they might come down themselves.

Then my soul could be thoroughly shattered.

Dying is awfully difficult.

How much easier it would be to just put a pistol to my head and pull the trigger.

But what can you do? Must try.

I grunted and groaned, Kanya riding my back, as I scaled the rocky mountain, up and up.

The air grew noticeably colder with the altitude, but pressed close as we were, our body heat warded off the worst of the chill.

After what felt like an eternity.

Kanya awoke.

“Jericho?”

“You’re awake?”

“Where are we… the Followers?”

“Gone.”

“How…?”

“I’m not sure myself.”

My memories were completely wiped, leaving me with absolutely nothing to recall.

My best guess was…

Asmodeus.

Asmodeus, the name I’d cried out before losing consciousness – could he be the one responsible for all this?

In the end, I’d summoned Asmodeus.

I had ultimately used a power that should never have been touched.

Fear and dread.

Yet, alongside it all was a feeling of helplessness, of being swept away by something far beyond my control.

What was to become of me?

Asmodeus…

Would he devour enough faith and become a monster in the end?

What should I have done differently?

Someone, please, just tell me.

It was an utterly frustrating feeling, groping through a future I couldn’t even glimpse.

“Jericho. Could we rest for a bit?”

“Rest?”

“My stomach… it’s so empty.”

Kanya said, curling in on herself.

Come to think of it, we hadn’t had a proper meal since leaving that rundown inn.

I nodded.

With Time Stop and Body Modification gone, the inconveniences were piling up, one after another.

After squeezing through a small opening in the rocks, Kanya pulled a few pieces of jerky from a small pouch at her waist and offered them to me.

“Where did you get this?”

“I snagged it during the first battle. My backpack was full of bullets, so this was the only place to keep it.”

Kanya grinned sheepishly as she spoke.

I chuckled softly and took the jerky she offered, putting it in my mouth.

It was hard and chewy, but not bad if you took your time chewing.

A silence fell between us.

Conn was quiet.

Even with the Psychic Amplifier’s lid open, there wasn’t a peep.

I felt a twinge of worry.

He hadn’t actually died, had he?

That would be a problem.

The guy was an excellent support.

He may be a low-life but I would be in trouble without him.

The absence of Conn, who was always saying something, was actually a bit concerning.

I carefully prodded the Psychic Amplifier, but…

Of course, there was no way I could fix it.

Having no choice but to abandon the rocket and chew on my jerky, a fresh wave of dread washed over me.

What, truly, would be the end of this journey?

The Demon Lords were calmly tightening the noose around my neck, systematically so.

My skills were becoming unusable, one by one, or simply failing altogether, and even my followers were facing enemies prepared with perfect counters to my abilities.

Kondo was asleep, for who knows how long.

But what about me?

My objective was vague, my means uncertain.

Just a fool with an outsized sense of justice, starting things he couldn’t finish.

Could I really…

Could I accomplish my purpose?

Could I save Kanya and face the end I deserved, death?

I must have been unconsciously tearing at my hair, lost in worry.

I felt Kanya gently take my hand.

“Jericho.”

“Yes, Kanya.”

“You said you were trying to save me according to the will of God, didn’t you?”

That’s how I’d answered her, back at the inn, when she persistently asked why I was trying to save her.

The will of God.

That’s all she needed to understand, I’d said.

“That’s right. I did.”

“Who is this God that you believe in?”

Her question left me feeling awkward.

For someone called a Saint, I lacked any faith.

I don’t believe in God.

That hasn’t changed, not even now.

Not in Korea, and not here.

God has always turned a blind eye to me.

If it were Korea, I could at least understand.

It was a normal world, without divine power or holy words.

But this place, even though God undeniably exists, it was the same.

The Pantheon had never given me a real answer.

They only ever threatened me, persecuted me.

I hate them.

I hate Lilia, who said she would cast me into hell, and I hate Roupiel, who prophesied that I would die by the hands of those I love.

I might hate them, but they were never the object of my faith.

“I don’t really know either, Kanya. I’m not doing this because I want to. Even so…”

And so, I answered her like that.

It was the truth.

I don’t really know.

How did I end up like this?

Why am I in this state?

Still, one thing was certain.

“I want you to be happy, Kanya.”

This was the truth.

I will replace Kanya in the vision I saw.

I will die.

And Kanya can live a normal life without her soul being torn apart.

That’s what I desire.

It was a heinously selfish, calculating act, but Kanya didn’t seem to take my words that way.

“You could die. It’s not just that your body will be destroyed and your soul will depart. Your soul itself could be destroyed and permanently annihilated. The Demon Lords are beings capable enough of doing that.”

I laughed at those words.

A normal person would tremble at those words and take time to think it over.

But not me.

That’s exactly what I want.

“It doesn’t matter, Kanya.”

At my words, Kanya stopped chewing the jerky in her mouth.

She stared intently at me.

“You’re a very strange person, you know that? You’re like someone who has given up on life itself, yet at the same time, you have a terribly worldly feel. It’s like you believe in the Gods more devoutly than anyone else, but that can’t be.”

Accurate.

Kanya started to open her mouth toward me, then stopped.

“I won’t ask who you are. I won’t ask why you’re helping me. I don’t know who you are or why you’re doing it, but you’ve already shown me enough through your actions that you want to help me. However, I’ll say this one thing, Jericho.”

Kanya firmly grasped my hand.

“The Goddess of War always repays. I will too. As much as you’ve sacrificed for me, I’ll sacrifice for you.”

At Kanya’s resolute expression, a smile involuntarily appeared on my face.

Perhaps because Kanya was hunched over, she had a rather small stature.

A woman with thin limbs and a tiny height, starving for food, saying such things with a determined voice made me think she was adorable.

I stroked her head.

“You’ve suffered enough, Kanya. I’m helping you because of me. You don’t need to feel burdened. It’s enough for me if you can live happily and well.”

Kanya kept her head down for a long time at my words.

Suddenly, I felt something hot falling on the back of my hand, and when I turned my head, Kanya was crying.

When I looked at her in a panic, she wiped away her tears and chuckled.

“I’m scared, Jericho. My life has never gone the way I wanted. The closer we get to the Rocky Mountains, the more scared I become. It feels like a sweet hope will come right before my eyes and then be crushed.”

Kanya buried her face in her knees and started to cry.

The crying that started with a few tears soon turned into a sob.

“It’s not like I accepted Lady Bellia willingly. I never… I never wanted this kind of life. But because Lady Bellia was forced into my soul, I am…”

Why is it?

Her sobbing felt strangely similar to mine.

Me too, Kanya.

I never wanted this kind of life.

Asmodeus never asked to enter my soul, nor did I ever imagine I’d wander, a broken spirit, ready to die.

It was unbearable.

I held her close, her shoulders shaking.

“I wish my limbs were whole. Jericho. I wish my back wasn’t hunched. Just once, I want to be beautiful. I wish people wouldn’t look at me with such disgust. I want to live without fearing tomorrow. Jericho…”

Kanya rattled off her desires, one after the other.

“I wish the people I loved were still with me. They’re all dead! All of them! I… I didn’t do anything… I… I… I hate Belia! I understand Belia more than anyone, but at the same time, I hate her! I wish she’d never entered me at all!”

My shirt began to soak with her tears.

Kanya clung to me, weeping and weeping for what felt like forever.

Wordlessly, I stroked her hair, over and over.

“It’s healthy to hate, you know. Kanya. A true understander isn’t just someone who feels good things. There’s the shitty stuff too, and being able to understand and embrace that, that’s what makes a true understander. Don’t you think?”

My curse word drew a laugh from Kanya.

“I didn’t think you’d say something like that.”

“I know plenty. So, Kanya, accept that hating Belia, and liking her, are both parts of yourself. That’s all. And try to focus on the good, not the bad. Okay?”

I offered her my back.

We’d finished the jerky a long time ago.

Kanya climbed on.

Slowly, I began to walk towards the rocky mountain.

“Let’s say you became beautiful. Kanya. What would you want to do then?”

Kanya didn’t answer for a long time.

Then,

She tightened her grip on my clothes, a shy gesture.

“I want to eat delicious food all day long.”

“Sounds good. You will. And then?”

“I want to wear pretty clothes. I want to dance in pretty clothes.”

“That’s possible too. And then?”

Kanya was silent again.

“I want to fall in love with a man who knows both my ugly self and my beautiful self. A love so wonderful it makes me cry.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

If Kohn were conscious, the virginity part of her mind, body, and spirit would have been freaking out hearing that.

“You will. Kanya. There’s definitely a man like that out there. So don’t worry. Okay?”

Kanya didn’t answer.

The conversation continued for a while.

We were brainstorming what food to eat.

Then Kanya slumped against my back and fell fast asleep.

I carried her silently, climbing the mountain, step after step.

It was around nightfall that our destination began to come into view.